project #3 revised pitch

When people go for a walk there are different things people would like to see or do on that walk. Everyone has there own preferences of what type of what they like to go on. For example, some people may like a nice quiet and peaceful walk, another person may like an exciting more beautiful walk with lots of sites to see and take in. Also the walk people take can relate to things they like and relate to their personality. Like for me I love to have fun, relax and enjoy the sights, and I also love food so I like to go places with different verities of food restaurants to dine at, either places I’ve never tried before or places I love like chipotle, and I also always want to be sure I have a way to get home from where I am at.


On the walk I chose to do has all the aspect I like and look for when I go for a walk. It has a place for transportation that is why it the walk starts by the A train on Jay St, the walk continues on to the metro tech area where there is a chipotle my favorite fast food restaurant and next to it is Five Guys: burgers and fries which is one of my favorite places to get a burger and free peanuts. There is a spot in the metro tech area that you can sit and relax and enjoy a book, eat your food, and just sit there and take in some fresh air. The end of this walk ends at the McLaughlin Park which has very nice basketball courts and I love to play basketball it is my favorite sport. When I think about taking this walk I get excited because all of the things I could do on this walk there is a little bit of everything beauty, fun, and relaxation.


This walk isn’t jus one type of walk it’s a walk that has all different types of things to do. It has beauty, relaxation, and health benefits because it is a walk. It also satisfies your senses like your sense of smell and sense of site. I’m not saying you have to go into chipotle or five guys and buy anything and spend money but jus taking in those smells is just amazing because it just smells so good. Then after getting those smells and you had enough of that you can go sit in the small area and just relax for a little while and then when you’re looking for some excitement you walk to the park and go and have some fun.



Having a nice walk can have a lot of benefits to it. For example one of the benefits is having better health. Going for a walk is a great way too get daily exercise its nothing crazy but it will keep you active and there are many places to walk in this big city of New York. According to “Walking is a wonderful form of exercise and a great activity for maintaining both physical and mental health.” Having this daily exercise of walking can keep a person fit and healthy for the rest of there life and also can open people up to new things like locations, people, and different things to do to make he walk have an even better outcome.


A walk can also be relaxing depending on the things you do on the walk or the places you go. On the walk that the app takes you on there’s a spot with a beautiful view of trees and in the fall it looks even more nice with all of the leaves falling and the thanksgiving and Christmas decorations going up for the holidays put a better sense of beauty too it. It’s a beautiful spot to get some fresh air and being relaxed can also improve a person’s health. According too Sarah Klein in the Huffington post “…while it feels good to conquer the day, in the end, it just simply feels better — and is more beneficial to your health — to relax.” When a day is stressful like a full day of work or a long day at school it helps just to close everything out and just relax.


Beauty is a great thing, either you are the beauty or your looking at something beautiful, and anything and anyone can be beautiful just depends on the way you look at something or someone. Looking at something beautiful can change a person’s mood you can go from sad to happy. According to the Huffington post “Beauty is not just a nice add-on — it has a function and purpose, and it plays a real role in the quality of your life and mental state…we are naturally drawn to spaces that please our senses.” And by senses that can also include beautiful smells as well anything that you find that smells pleasantly.


1 thought on “project #3 revised pitch”

  1. Your argument about beauty comes out as you write, but it should be more prominent in the first paragraph to make the persuasive argument that beauty should dictate where you walk. The examples you provide are not all about beauty, though–having a clear theme and argument about that theme in the beginning of your project will allow you to eliminate what doesn’t fit and include what does.

    Remember also that your goal is to provide a persuasive argument about why someone should add time to their route to experience what you highlight–this is not a personal essay about your preferences specifically. Also, app users would walk the route, not take the time to go to into any of the locations or sit there for any length of time. How does that factor into your location choices or your description of what to notice? is not an appropriate way to include material in the sentence–it doesn’t give any indication of what the source is, since it doesn’t seem to produce its own content–I couldn’t find any there. The other sources sound more developed, so perhaps move in that direction instead. Remember to include a works cited list at the end of your post.

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