The first thought that came to my head when I heard Prof Belli say give your essay to the people in your group was oh my god they are going to laugh at my essay and it’s all wrong I don’t even want to hear the feedback. In high school we didn’t really focus on writing argumentative essays it was mostly just focusing on the regents and what is on there. So it was a bit difficult for me to do my essay because I didn’t know how to start it off or how to make my introduction good with a reasonable thesis that made sense. I read the readings that were on the schedule and sort of got an understanding on how to go about it. When I got my essay back with all the revision done and with the feedback from the people in my group, I was surprised at their comments saying that I did a good job on presenting the thesis and giving details to back up my body paragraphs. I honestly wasn’t expecting to hear anything good but hey i doubted myself a little too much. They pointed out that I didn’t have a title and that was hard for me because I didn’t want the title to say happiness and state the obvious. Also another thing I left out was the work cited page mainly because I was focused on just getting the argumentative essay done and making sure it was the right thing. What I have to work on when I revise my essay for the final draft that’s due on tuesday is just to make sure my ideas are flowing and getting rid of any unnecessary information and changing my conclusion. Another thing I have to fix is my body paragraphs, I was told that I had two of the same ideas in different places and when I read my essay over I realized they were correct so it’s something I have to fix. I need to make sure that the grammar is correct and that i don’t have any run on sentences because I do tend to do that when i’m just focused on writing and not paying attention to my work.

I was really nervous to give in my essay for peer revision only because I feel my essays are never good. Surprisingly my peers didn’t give me as much negative feedback as I was expecting. They even said they enjoyed it and it has a good flow, that they knew what I was talking about and there was no confusion. Some things that need to be fixed is my topic sentence in my introduction, it needs to be stronger because it’s a typical statement. I have some statements that are unnecessary and need to be taken out. Overall I definitely need to make my essay longer because more information can be added to make it a stronger essay. This peer revision was very helpful, I never doubted it wouldn’t be helpful because I used to do them all the time in high school. It was helpful to hear other people’s thoughts on my essay, it was very helpful.

After reading my own essay, what my peers said was clear. My essay is very short. I feel my point is clear but there is definitely way more that can be added. I definitely need to use more examples from the articles I’m using. I also don’t have any personal experiences in my essay and that is needed. I saw I had one sentence but I need to elaborate on that. I believe when I do that my essay will become more stronger and make my point more clear.

The process of this essay has been difficult for me. When i wrote my first draft I felt very worried. I didn’t know if i was rambling or not saying enough, if my draft was clear and concise. I wanted to say a lot but i also knew that overloading the reader with information wasn’t going to benefit anybody. I tried to follow the guidelines. I also wanted my argument to be clear. I tried to back it up with claims that supported it the best. After the first workshop i felt like i already knew some of my faults like starting my essay off with too many general statements and not having strong enough topic sentences. So i was curious what my peers would add on or say about it .
After meeting with my partner for peer review i realized this step was necessary and very helpful. Most of the time when we look for feedback we only think of our professors. We think that because they are the ones giving us our grades that only their input matters. At first i was skeptical in having my peers look at my essay, but after Tuesday I realized that this was only to help me and improve my essay. After engaging in a discussion about our work on Tuesday we were able to touch on key points relevant to our essay, such as arguments, topic sentences and structures. My partner helped me realize that my argument needed some tweaking, that my own experiences were something that should be mentioned and that I needed to do some clarification in my essay. There were some ideas that weren’t fully developed and explained.
I took my partners comments and critiques in mind when peer reviewing my own. I went over my essay as if I didn’t know anything, would someone who wasn’t in this class be able to understand my essay and take something away from it ? I realized i need to work on the flow of my essay and not just have information and citations included. My input also needs to be included. Also fix things like the title. My partner had suggested that my title seemed too general and not specific enough. I want to try and come up with another one that will represent my essay best. My next steps for essay 1 are another draft. I am going to try and fix my argument and include my own personal experience. I think that peer reviewing is also a good thing so after I finish my next draft i am going to have someone else look at it and let me know what they think. And once i do corrections after i am going to try and do another draft before my final piece.
But for starters I know that my topic sentence could use improvement. One of them is “In order to achieve happiness a person must have experiences” would it sound better if it said “ Experiences are the foundation every person needs to be happy” or is that the same ? I want to emphasize that experiences are a big part of what makes a person happy. It is what my paragraph is all about. Another sentence is “Actions are a very big part of happiness” I think it’s too short and could also use work would a better sentence be “What we do, the choices we make , affect how happy we are” In this paragraph I talk about what we do with our money, how we use it to create our happiness. Looking forward to receiving feedback.

After reading my peers reflection , I learned that my idea was clear but making my points wasn’t clear enough because instead I was summarizing the article rather than discussing my point and explaining what I think happiness is. Also I rushed my draft because I thought it was due at mid-night and I get home late from work, therefore  I can say I did rush my draft and it wasn’t my best as I wanted it to be, but I do know what I need to work on , which the way I worded my sentences I need to make it clearer on what I am trying to say, I need to use my own thoughts that can relate to the authors, and  I needed to use more of my ideas and not the author point of view.

I used more of the authors idea and summarized it more rather than giving my ideas and making my thesis clear of what I am trying to say meaning, I think that happiness cannot be measured because I think its based doing whats best for you and not no one else. My next steps are discussing my points and not giving so much of the authors ideas and give my ideas to make my thesis and essay stronger.

Something I can say I did well at was getting my readers attention, at times I was unclear but as they read along they understood what I meant or what I was talking about. I want my reader to be engaged and into my essay to where they can say they relate to it and like my ideas I used. Also for my next draft I am revising everything in my essay because I know what needs to be fixed, removed, and replaced because I  did it fast to where I couldn’t  actually sit and think to get all my ideas, thoughts together. I knew what I wanted to talk about,but I worded it wrong and needed it to be clear for my reader to understand my main idea of my essay and get the point of it, instead of having all of my ideas in multiple places and leading my reader off track to where they dont know what I am talking about. I think my thesis is good, but could be better instead of a general statement as everyone did to get to the point of my essay with claims, details  and being specific with what I am talking about.

Lastly after I revise my draft I hope to get better feedback and my readers understand my main point instead of having questions to what  I am talking about, instead of having a lot of ideas in one paragraph to have them but explain them with details and make sure that what I am writing is connecting to my thesis.  Also my reader said my conclusion is strong, I have to work on my body paragraphs and to get to the main point.

The drafting process of this essay has been really hard for me. This is because my ideas about the topic of happiness are complex. Therefore, what I needed most help with is how to structure and combine those ideas into one argument that will be discussed in my essay. After revising my peer’s essays I feel like I now have an idea of how to go back to my essay and check for my main argument. I have noticed what is it that I am writing most about in my essay, however I still need to look for a way to write it and make it clear to the readers.

When my peers gave me feedback about my essay they suggested to explain what is the paradox that I am referring to in my introduction. Also, to not get off track from the point I am trying to make in each paragraph. I understand what they mean because I noticed that I was getting to my point of the paragraph until the last sentence. However, I need to change that because the topic sentence is the one that needs to point out what the main idea of the paragraph is. My peers also gave me feedback on some minor grammatical errors and format details. Details such as quoting the articles and not changing the font, have a one-inch margin, and my last name and page number at the top of each page of my essay. The group feedback was very helpful because I had the chance to see others essay’s and have an outside view of how the assignment should and should not be done.

The meeting I had with Professor Belli has also helped me to think what are the changes that I need in my essay. I am going to re-read my essay, identify my main ideas in each paragraph and re- do my thesis. Also, I am going to take out a paragraph that may not be of good use for my argument. I am also going to try to re-phrase my last sentence of each paragraph and place it as topic sentences. Moreover, I need to stop summarizing an article and put more of my analysis. For the other use of an article in my essay, I need to include more evidence from the article in order to make my point in the paragraph.

Once I finish revising my essay and fixing the things I just mentioned, I am going to give my essay to a college friend of mine so he could tell me what he thinks and if he knows what my argument is in the whole essay. Hopefully he will also point out any other error I may have. I will also check if my essay follows the required format that has been assigned to this and further essays. Last but not least, I am going to make a bibliography because I didn’t do one due to a misunderstanding I had previously. Hopefully, my final essay meets all the requirements of the assignment.

Since I have never written an argumentative essay this process was hard for me. It was difficult trying to think of a good way to begin my introduction and make a thesis. While I read the other two essays of my peers one I knew right away what she was talking about and how she backed up what she argued. I saw the way she did this by giving examples and giving her opinion on it. The other essay I read was a little more difficult to understand because it didn’t pick a side really so I got to see how the things he said made him seem like he was picking both sides of whether buying happiness or suffering really makes you happy. So these essays both gave me and different view of how you can tell more of the side you pick.

The feedback I got on my essay so far was some commas I need to add also to add more opinion to my essay and experience. Even if it’s not my own experience but like that I can show how I’m arguing more for one side. While I read the other people’s essay I had to look for if they spoke in first, second or third person and whether it was in present tense or past tense. When I was in class I noticed I was making those mistakes as well and was speaking in second person. I feel that the way my paragraphs were organized that the next paragraph build on the one before. I do need to fix my topic sentences to be able to give the main idea but as well the significance. I feel that my topic sentences were to straightforward or didn’t really sum up anything from the paragraph. In class I would like to look at my introduction and conclusion.

My introduction “Is happiness a factor of how we really should be or how society thinks people should be and act? Happiness is not only brought through your experiences but the experience of other people as well. When you give to other people you share experiences with them and yourself. But also with happiness comes suffering as was stated in the article “What Suffering Does” by David Brook he states that “Often, physical or social suffering can give people an outsider’s perspective, an attuned awareness of what other outsiders are enduring”. Through suffering you get to reveal more and more stuff about yourself. Happiness is really brought by sharing with others in your experiences and relating to others to share that happiness and well-being and doing this through suffering.”

My conclusion “Suffering can bring more than just pain with suffering comes happiness and relief. You become relieved to know that you have done something better that you learn more about yourself. That your well-being is going to be good because although through the suffering there was a lot to deal with you still manage to try and make things better for yourself. You start to become more aware of how you should go about things. Suffering brings you to get more involved in your surroundings. Without suffering there wouldn’t be stability in life because everyone would just follow what they think should be right. They would follow how society thinks people should be.”

I feel I made my point clear that through suffering you can get happiness. I feel you can get my point of what I’m trying to say. You can get my argument that i’m trying to make. To revise for my final essay I will be rereading my topic sentences to see if it makes sense and makes my point for each paragraph. I will reread my essay out loud to see if anything sounds weird. And I will get someone to read my essay over.

Writing the first draft was the most difficult. It was hard to pick an argument and then to find claims to support the argument. After I was done with my first draft I knew that I needed help revising it and feedback on it. The peer review that we were assigned to do were every helpful. The peer review worksheet was very helpful. It helped me look at each part of the essay and analyze if it was correct or could be better. All the questions in the worksheet went step by step asking specific questions that I would have probably not asked myself. As I was editing my two classmate’s essays and giving them back feedback I will also realize that I had done the same mistakes.

In class we got into groups and discus what we had found in each other’s essay and how it could be better. My peers mentioned what I could do to make my essay better and my argument stronger. In my essay I only achieved one transitional sentence from one paragraph to the next. I have to go back and add transitional sentences to the rest of my paragraphs for it could flow smoothly. I also have to work on achieving topic sentences for my body paragraph. I finally understand what a topic sentence is and what it consist of. At first I just thought it was the main idea. Therefore, I always just stated the claim which was incorrect because it should be a very detailed main idea plus an explanation of how it supports the thesis. I also had sentences that were general and made my peers ask “so what?” I thought I had explained it clearly but I was wrong. I have to go back and either take that sentence out or explain it more and connect it to my argument better.

My essay doesn’t have noticeable opposing viewpoints. I have to counter claim my argument in order to make it stronger. It is hard to include counter claims because they have to be mentioned but cannot be stronger then my argument.

As my example I used famous people to explain and show how sometimes having excessive amount of money can be negative. I was told that for my example I have to be more specific and more detailed on how money can be negative. To make it more specific I am going to use a certain celebrity and explain how it affected them.

I also had a bit of trouble in my conclusion. I was a little difficult to sum up the whole essay in one small paragraph without being repetitive. I have to work on how to restate my thesis and claims in different words.

After I reread my own essay I realized that I could be more specific and analyze more on how it affects an individual’s happiness. I also noticed some grammar mistakes and typos that I have done. Rereading my essay after a week gap really made me see it differently and notice a lot of things that could be changed. Just like the handout on editing and proofreading mention to get some distance between the text because if you read it right after you wrote it the text will be too familiar. Making it hard to identify mistakes.