ENG 1101 Essay #1 Extension: Final Draft Due NEXT Tuesday (10/28)

Hi folks:

I hope that you had good weekends. I’m just writing with some “happy” news for you: I have decided to extend the due date for Essay #1, to give you another week to work on your revisions (by now you should all have either met with me or receive your comments back via e-mail … if you didn’t, please make sure to check your e-mail again). The final draft is now due next Tuesday (10/28), instead of tomorrow.

You will be doing important in-class work this week, so please make sure to come to class and have a wonderful time with each other and the professors who will be covering classes. I’m heading up to Canada (for my two conferences) this morning, and will return in time for next Tuesday’s class.

Remember, you should be using this deadline extension to re-think your argument (many of you need to re-read the texts and analyze/think more critically through them), revise, edit, and proofread your essay, and you can also visit the City Tech Learning Center to get more one-on-one help with revising your essay. Just a friendly reminder that your updated Reflection Cover Letter for the final draft should take all of this work (including peer review and individual conferences with me, if you had one) into account.

Please “reply” here to let me know you read/understood this message, and have a great week. Happy revising!

Professor Belli

Good Peer Review

After days and hours spent on my essay I was proud of the outcome. I really thought my essay was really good. I was a little nervous in giving my essays to my peers because even though I was proud of my essay, I new it was not going to be good enough. I am not the best essay writer, but then again who is (?). The important thing was that I tried my best and its only a first draft. The fact that I was going to have feedback and have my essay reviewed actually calmed me down. Even being proud of my essay I am open to my peers comments and thoughts.

When I got my essay back I was ready to see all the mistakes I had done. After my peers explained their comments and revision, I noticed my essay can be better. They showed me simple mistakes I did like typos. They showed me that I did not introduce my quotes from the texts and articles. My peers also showed me that I had a few ideas in one paragraph. Another helpful tip my peers showed me was their opinions on the structure of my paragraphs. My peers, Meena and Jocelyn, showed me ideas on how they think my essay would sound better. They showed me that I could switch up some sentences so my paragraph can run smoother. Overall my peers liked my essay and the main idea, they just pointed out plenty of things I should fix in order to make the best out of this argumentative essay.

After this experience of talking to my peers about my essay, I felt good. I liked the experience because I had the opinion of two other people who are willing to help me better my essay. I also like the experience because my peers helped me look and point out the mistakes I did not notice even after rereading my essay. I liked this peer review and would look forward to it again. I think peer review is a good way to make a very good and interesting argumentative essay.

For my essay 1 revision, my next steps are as follows. I will reread a few times over my peers corrections and revisions. Then I will start making an outline or draft including my peers editing. I will do this in a manner were I get all the ideas out on paper. This will help me to figure out which way I like better including my peers ideas and revisions. After I get everything out and organized I will type up my essay and have my boyfriend read it. I will also reread it again myself to feel satisfied with it. Finally I will print it out after I feel satisfied.

Essay Revisions

The first thought that came to my head when I heard Prof Belli say give your essay to the people in your group was oh my god they are going to laugh at my essay and it’s all wrong I don’t even want to hear the feedback. In high school we didn’t really focus on writing argumentative essays it was mostly just focusing on the regents and what is on there. So it was a bit difficult for me to do my essay because I didn’t know how to start it off or how to make my introduction good with a reasonable thesis that made sense. I read the readings that were on the schedule and sort of got an understanding on how to go about it. When I got my essay back with all the revision done and with the feedback from the people in my group, I was surprised at their comments saying that I did a good job on presenting the thesis and giving details to back up my body paragraphs. I honestly wasn’t expecting to hear anything good but hey i doubted myself a little too much. They pointed out that I didn’t have a title and that was hard for me because I didn’t want the title to say happiness and state the obvious. Also another thing I left out was the work cited page mainly because I was focused on just getting the argumentative essay done and making sure it was the right thing. What I have to work on when I revise my essay for the final draft that’s due on tuesday is just to make sure my ideas are flowing and getting rid of any unnecessary information and changing my conclusion. Another thing I have to fix is my body paragraphs, I was told that I had two of the same ideas in different places and when I read my essay over I realized they were correct so it’s something I have to fix. I need to make sure that the grammar is correct and that i don’t have any run on sentences because I do tend to do that when i’m just focused on writing and not paying attention to my work.

I was really nervous to give in my essay for peer revision only because I feel my essays are never good. Surprisingly my peers didn’t give me as much negative feedback as I was expecting. They even said they enjoyed it and it has a good flow, that they knew what I was talking about and there was no confusion. Some things that need to be fixed is my topic sentence in my introduction, it needs to be stronger because it’s a typical statement. I have some statements that are unnecessary and need to be taken out. Overall I definitely need to make my essay longer because more information can be added to make it a stronger essay. This peer revision was very helpful, I never doubted it wouldn’t be helpful because I used to do them all the time in high school. It was helpful to hear other people’s thoughts on my essay, it was very helpful.

After reading my own essay, what my peers said was clear. My essay is very short. I feel my point is clear but there is definitely way more that can be added. I definitely need to use more examples from the articles I’m using. I also don’t have any personal experiences in my essay and that is needed. I saw I had one sentence but I need to elaborate on that. I believe when I do that my essay will become more stronger and make my point more clear.



Thoughts and Steps To Improvement

As I walked into class on Tuesday I became nervous because Professor Belli explained to the class last week Thursday that the follow class would be strictly peer review. When it comes to situations like this i doubt myself a bit and my work. Professor Belli gave instructions and told us to find our groups almost half the class wasn’t there but in my head I’m like ” no, I’m not ready just yet”. Dulce wasn’t present yet so it was me and Natasha so i decided to relax, Dulce and Natasha are cool so i knew i’ll receive good feedback and they wouldn’t talk down about my work or not give me enough(not to say my fellow peers wouldn’t do the same). Although, that’s what my initially thoughts were. Peer review started I decided to do Natasha First hen she would start my peer review but Dulce walked in so i was the last do go and the girls didn’t have enough time to fully peer review me. Although, I just had a little less then 15 minutes what i got out of it was good enough for me even though i thought the girls would say my essay was bad and have me change a lot of thing they didn’t. Natasha gave a few suggestions on how to fix things and explain quotes a little more the note she left me was great and very helpful as well as Dulce did. I came into class nervous and left out happy and satisfied the essay wasn’t bad after all just need to be spruced up bit like fixing quotes explaining more and fixing a topic sentence in my third or second body and adding more sentences into my intro. I took ll their advise into consideration and quickly went home to work on it. Excited for the next peer review being able to help others a well as them help me we’re all striving to become better writers.

Feedbacks To a Better Essay

Writing the first essay of college can be really difficult. It’d required many revisions and many thinking. In class, I had received a few suggestion to make the essay better. However, I felt a little down after receiving both my peers and professor intake on my essay. I was shocked, I though my first daft was pretty good. I didn’t stop. I just relaxed for one hour and before I know it, I start working on my essay again. I deleted many sentences I don’t need. I then started to write on paper what I can do to make the thesis more stand out. I wrote down the thesis three times with different wording. I then started to write down my argument points. I then type my argument points and looking over the article to find quotes that relates to what I saying. I didn’t do everything in one day. The next morning (today) I worked on it more. Since a class was canceled I had time to work on it fully without rushing. This is when I got my 2nd daft. I plan to basically edit my 2nd daft for my final daft. One big struggle I have are grammar problems. I hope I can work on that before the I have to hand in my final daft.

In the middle of my revision, I just can’t think of any more to add to my essay. I still need like 1/4 of the page left to be filled. I was so blocked out. So, I started writing my cover letter, just to make me type something rather then just sitting there looking at the 1/4 of the page that is blank. At a point I was thinking, this is how I’m going to hand it in like that. Its was 6pm and I am still in the school lunchroom, typing my essay while my friends eat onion rings. I then finally had my thoughts and I put them in the essay.

I learn that sometimes in writing, not just in an essay, but in writing a novel too that a writer’s block can occur, but it’s only for a while. I would eventually know what I want to put in, and continue with writing. I also learn that writing ideas in points can help me translate those ideas into paragraphs and lastly into a full essay. Lastly but not least, I also learn that you might think your writing a perfectly done, but in other eyes, they might not understand your arguement/thesis clearly enough, or they might think that there are some things that they feel like they can be taken out, but I don’t want too. It’s sometimes hard to use the “backspace” button when it comes to writing.

Since, I learn a lot from the process for this essay, I plan to write my next essay the same way. Writing down points, points about the points and then develop it into an essay.  I actually really proud of my 2nd daft. I hope to revise and edit it one last time before Tuesday.



Peer review reflection

So we finally got to do our first session of peer review and I got to say I really liked it . Yes I felt like I was being roast but it was a  really good experience and hearing what my fellow group members had to say really helped me a lot in my essay. They noticed things I would have never seen which thanks to them will benefit my final piece  of writing . Also I liked hearing there own ideas on what can be incorporated to make my essay flow better . Which was really appreciated

Thoughts on Revision

The process of this essay has been difficult for me. When i wrote my first draft I felt very worried. I didn’t know if i was rambling or not saying enough, if my draft was clear and concise. I wanted to say a lot but i also knew that overloading the reader with information wasn’t going to benefit anybody. I tried to follow the guidelines. I also wanted my argument to be clear. I tried to back it up with claims that supported it the best. After the first workshop i felt like i already knew some of my faults like starting my essay off with too many general statements and not having strong enough topic sentences. So i was curious what my peers would add on or say about it .
After meeting with my partner for peer review i realized this step was necessary and very helpful. Most of the time when we look for feedback we only think of our professors. We think that because they are the ones giving us our grades that only their input matters. At first i was skeptical in having my peers look at my essay, but after Tuesday I realized that this was only to help me and improve my essay. After engaging in a discussion about our work on Tuesday we were able to touch on key points relevant to our essay, such as arguments, topic sentences and structures. My partner helped me realize that my argument needed some tweaking, that my own experiences were something that should be mentioned and that I needed to do some clarification in my essay. There were some ideas that weren’t fully developed and explained.
I took my partners comments and critiques in mind when peer reviewing my own. I went over my essay as if I didn’t know anything, would someone who wasn’t in this class be able to understand my essay and take something away from it ? I realized i need to work on the flow of my essay and not just have information and citations included. My input also needs to be included. Also fix things like the title. My partner had suggested that my title seemed too general and not specific enough. I want to try and come up with another one that will represent my essay best. My next steps for essay 1 are another draft. I am going to try and fix my argument and include my own personal experience. I think that peer reviewing is also a good thing so after I finish my next draft i am going to have someone else look at it and let me know what they think. And once i do corrections after i am going to try and do another draft before my final piece.
But for starters I know that my topic sentence could use improvement. One of them is “In order to achieve happiness a person must have experiences” would it sound better if it said “ Experiences are the foundation every person needs to be happy” or is that the same ? I want to emphasize that experiences are a big part of what makes a person happy. It is what my paragraph is all about. Another sentence is “Actions are a very big part of happiness” I think it’s too short and could also use work would a better sentence be “What we do, the choices we make , affect how happy we are” In this paragraph I talk about what we do with our money, how we use it to create our happiness. Looking forward to receiving feedback.


Honestly at first I thought the whole part about taking each other’s papers home and revising them was a waste of time. I thought that I wouldn’t get good feedback. When ended up happening was I did get good feedback. I learned that my thesis needed to be better explained becuase it was kind of conflicting with what I was saying. After reading through my peer review sheet I noticed that some sentences were taking up space and should be their, I also realized that my thesis needed to be the last sentence of my introduction. I made a good argument, but some paragraphs were talking about more then one topic. When I’m writing my final draft I will be sure to read over everything more carefully to make sure thag the first sentence states what the paragraph will be about and most importantly that the paragraph is about one thing.

It was said that my essay was to personal at some point so I will adjust my personal experience so that it’s no longer to personal. In class I changed my thesis with the help of a peer who peer reviewed my draft, and together I feel we made up a more appropriate thesis for my essay. While I’m writing my final draft I will take into consideration on the comments and feedback I got on my essay from my peer. Making sure that I actually make changes to what is being said and not just change a few words around. In my review paper my peer wrote that I came off a little to strong so when writing my final draft I will be sure to change my wording in certain paragraphs and sentences so I don’t come off as strong as I did in my pre draft

Revision Reflection

After reading my peers reflection , I learned that my idea was clear but making my points wasn’t clear enough because instead I was summarizing the article rather than discussing my point and explaining what I think happiness is. Also I rushed my draft because I thought it was due at mid-night and I get home late from work, therefore  I can say I did rush my draft and it wasn’t my best as I wanted it to be, but I do know what I need to work on , which the way I worded my sentences I need to make it clearer on what I am trying to say, I need to use my own thoughts that can relate to the authors, and  I needed to use more of my ideas and not the author point of view.

I used more of the authors idea and summarized it more rather than giving my ideas and making my thesis clear of what I am trying to say meaning, I think that happiness cannot be measured because I think its based doing whats best for you and not no one else. My next steps are discussing my points and not giving so much of the authors ideas and give my ideas to make my thesis and essay stronger.

Something I can say I did well at was getting my readers attention, at times I was unclear but as they read along they understood what I meant or what I was talking about. I want my reader to be engaged and into my essay to where they can say they relate to it and like my ideas I used. Also for my next draft I am revising everything in my essay because I know what needs to be fixed, removed, and replaced because I  did it fast to where I couldn’t  actually sit and think to get all my ideas, thoughts together. I knew what I wanted to talk about,but I worded it wrong and needed it to be clear for my reader to understand my main idea of my essay and get the point of it, instead of having all of my ideas in multiple places and leading my reader off track to where they dont know what I am talking about. I think my thesis is good, but could be better instead of a general statement as everyone did to get to the point of my essay with claims, details  and being specific with what I am talking about.

Lastly after I revise my draft I hope to get better feedback and my readers understand my main point instead of having questions to what  I am talking about, instead of having a lot of ideas in one paragraph to have them but explain them with details and make sure that what I am writing is connecting to my thesis.  Also my reader said my conclusion is strong, I have to work on my body paragraphs and to get to the main point.