Reflection on First Draft

Since I have never written an argumentative essay this process was hard for me. It was difficult trying to think of a good way to begin my introduction and make a thesis. While I read the other two essays of my peers one I knew right away what she was talking about and how she backed up what she argued. I saw the way she did this by giving examples and giving her opinion on it. The other essay I read was a little more difficult to understand because it didn’t pick a side really so I got to see how the things he said made him seem like he was picking both sides of whether buying happiness or suffering really makes you happy. So these essays both gave me and different view of how you can tell more of the side you pick.

The feedback I got on my essay so far was some commas I need to add also to add more opinion to my essay and experience. Even if it’s not my own experience but like that I can show how I’m arguing more for one side. While I read the other people’s essay I had to look for if they spoke in first, second or third person and whether it was in present tense or past tense. When I was in class I noticed I was making those mistakes as well and was speaking in second person. I feel that the way my paragraphs were organized that the next paragraph build on the one before. I do need to fix my topic sentences to be able to give the main idea but as well the significance. I feel that my topic sentences were to straightforward or didn’t really sum up anything from the paragraph. In class I would like to look at my introduction and conclusion.

My introduction “Is happiness a factor of how we really should be or how society thinks people should be and act? Happiness is not only brought through your experiences but the experience of other people as well. When you give to other people you share experiences with them and yourself. But also with happiness comes suffering as was stated in the article “What Suffering Does” by David Brook he states that “Often, physical or social suffering can give people an outsider’s perspective, an attuned awareness of what other outsiders are enduring”. Through suffering you get to reveal more and more stuff about yourself. Happiness is really brought by sharing with others in your experiences and relating to others to share that happiness and well-being and doing this through suffering.”

My conclusion “Suffering can bring more than just pain with suffering comes happiness and relief. You become relieved to know that you have done something better that you learn more about yourself. That your well-being is going to be good because although through the suffering there was a lot to deal with you still manage to try and make things better for yourself. You start to become more aware of how you should go about things. Suffering brings you to get more involved in your surroundings. Without suffering there wouldn’t be stability in life because everyone would just follow what they think should be right. They would follow how society thinks people should be.”

I feel I made my point clear that through suffering you can get happiness. I feel you can get my point of what I’m trying to say. You can get my argument that i’m trying to make. To revise for my final essay I will be rereading my topic sentences to see if it makes sense and makes my point for each paragraph. I will reread my essay out loud to see if anything sounds weird. And I will get someone to read my essay over.