After revising my peers essays over the weekend and discussing them in class I’ve realized I have a lot of revising to do on my own. While I was reading them I gathered a lot of new ideas to use  on my own essay and the understanding of what I need to improve in my own essay. I had many structure issues I have to correct as well as including personal and real life experiences. My introduction needs major tweaking. It is longer than I intended it to be and has good examples I should use throughout the actual body rather than in the intro.  It’s also somewhat vague and my thesis isn’t quite clear. I was told my thesis wasn’t clear till the end of the essay. I’m going to attempt revising the body and conclusion before writing the introduction itself. I’ve also noticed how difficult it is to use the 3rd person. Throughout my whole essay I switch from 2nd to 1st person without even realizing my errors.

When it comes to my personal/ real life experience I’m not exactly sure on what to use. I don’t want to use anything that doesn’t support my claims/ points. The essays my peers wrote we filled with good experiences that connected well to their claims. While writing  my first draft I made an outline that I didn’t end up following. This time around I’m going to make my outline more specific and actually follow it. I’ve realized that if my outline is well thought out and specific enough all I have to really do is input words to fill up my essay. I think that is also the reason I had structure issues. I was missing a lot of the requirements like properly citing my work. When I was using the texts we’ve used in class I was trying to use them to prove my claims rather than to prove the points the author used. So throughout that process I ended up not paying too much attention to the structure of my work.

Now that I’ve taken a look at what my peers thought of my work and discussed it I have a better understanding of what my essay needs to be better. Some techniques I’ll attempt to use this time around will be writing the introduction last and developing a clear and well thought out thesis with three main clams. While trying to support my claims my citations will be properly stated and will refer to my work rather than the author’s. I’ll also write multiple drafts before handing the final draft in next Thursday and do my best to stop by the writing center. The comments my peers made on my work were extremely helpful and I will take everything they suggested into account while writing my next draft. I’ve realized that peer review not only helps identify issues you’ve had while writing but also to realize that other people might have the same problems as you and that you can relate and help them better their work with the comments you’ve made.

After going over my peer’s work at home and fully understanding the concept of the paper I knew I had some work to do once i received mine. I had too much of the text and not enough of me or my argument. I believed that by using pieces of the texts I agreed with, I was going in the right direction. But the text was supposed to support me not me support the text. I had to make my argument bolder and incorporate some experiences to bring my idea out in the open. I read my paper over and over to see if I catch any mistakes my partner may not have noticed and made side notes for myself to look back at. My thesis statement was kind of general and I made changes there as well. I found a way to make it less vague and more specific. I also spoke in second person throughout the paper instead of third so I had to adjust that. Thinking that by saying “you” I was engaging the readers or making them feel involved I was actually making it general and not engaging at all.

When thinking of an experience to add in it took me a while because I wasn’t thinking of my personal life, I was just planning on using the texts. I didn’t even think about how my life could relate but I found one that fit perfectly into my idea about how experiences hold a stronger place than material things. After making those revisions I feel more secure with my paper, not saying that it’s ready or i’m completely confident about it but I think it’s more focused than the first draft. I learned that by just making my argument stronger I wouldn’t need to support my claim so much. I plan on making my paper stronger all around, by making sure my points are clear and the paper flows. I want to make my point without coming across as biased or too opinionated because the paper is supposed to be approachable and argumentative. The readers are supposed to see your point without feeling forced to believe the same which is complicated to do. I hope that through the different revision sessions my paper improves and that my changes are successful. Now that I know how my peer feels about my paper I’m also interested in how the professor views it.

Although the process of it was tedious going through each paper paragraph by paragraph, it was very helpful for both me and my peers. Upon hearing the assignment I was thinking, how can I help someone when I’m not fully aware myself? But it helped me understand more actually, I saw different views and experiences. It made me see things in a different light because no two papers are exactly the same. It was also helpful because I got helpful feedback that made me want to really alter my paper. I hope I did the same for my partner.