Essay 1 Revision

After going over my peer’s work at home and fully understanding the concept of the paper I knew I had some work to do once i received mine. I had too much of the text and not enough of me or my argument. I believed that by using pieces of the texts I agreed with, I was going in the right direction. But the text was supposed to support me not me support the text. I had to make my argument bolder and incorporate some experiences to bring my idea out in the open. I read my paper over and over to see if I catch any mistakes my partner may not have noticed and made side notes for myself to look back at. My thesis statement was kind of general and I made changes there as well. I found a way to make it less vague and more specific. I also spoke in second person throughout the paper instead of third so I had to adjust that. Thinking that by saying “you” I was engaging the readers or making them feel involved I was actually making it general and not engaging at all.

When thinking of an experience to add in it took me a while because I wasn’t thinking of my personal life, I was just planning on using the texts. I didn’t even think about how my life could relate but I found one that fit perfectly into my idea about how experiences hold a stronger place than material things. After making those revisions I feel more secure with my paper, not saying that it’s ready or i’m completely confident about it but I think it’s more focused than the first draft. I learned that by just making my argument stronger I wouldn’t need to support my claim so much. I plan on making my paper stronger all around, by making sure my points are clear and the paper flows. I want to make my point without coming across as biased or too opinionated because the paper is supposed to be approachable and argumentative. The readers are supposed to see your point without feeling forced to believe the same which is complicated to do. I hope that through the different revision sessions my paper improves and that my changes are successful. Now that I know how my peer feels about my paper I’m also interested in how the professor views it.

Although the process of it was tedious going through each paper paragraph by paragraph, it was very helpful for both me and my peers. Upon hearing the assignment I was thinking, how can I help someone when I’m not fully aware myself? But it helped me understand more actually, I saw different views and experiences. It made me see things in a different light because no two papers are exactly the same. It was also helpful because I got helpful feedback that made me want to really alter my paper. I hope I did the same for my partner.