I finish my meal and walk towards the kitchen, when I hear the doorbell ring. I slowly walk to the door. Due to my heart trouble, I try not to overwork myself. When I open the door, it was my sister Josephine and my husbandâs friend, Richards. I invite them in, but they both have a gloomy look on their faces. My sister starts to talk, âLouise, Richards was at the newspaper office when he heard of the railroad disaster.â I nod, wondering what does this have to do with me. She seems to be speaking in broken sentences, and I can hear grief in her voice. As she continues, her voice gets high pitched and cracks, âAmong the names of those killed, was Brently.â
What? The immeasurable pain struck me like a lightning bolt. I immediately scream at the news and threw myself into Josephineâs arms crying. I canât believe it. My poor husband has been killed. I continue to cry until the grief eased up. Â I walked to my room, having no one follow me.
When I go into my room, I quickly locked the door behind me and proceeded to the window. I stood at the open window, and sank into the comfortable armchair behind me. My exhaustion troubled me. I observe the landscape outside the window. The tops of the trees are shaking; it must be the new spring life. I take a deep breath and sense the rain in the air. Below in the street, is a peddler. Above, the blue sky is showing in patches due to the clouds that piled up together.
I throw my head back on the cushion of the chair, and remain motionless, except for a sob that came up from my throat and caused me to shake. Why? Why did this have to happen to him? To me?
I thought to myself. Iâm a young woman, for my face is clear and calm, the lines on my face show a sign of strength.
Then, I started to feel something come to me. I donât know what it was, but I feel it creeping up towards me through the sounds, scents, and colors that filled the air.
Now that my husband is gone, I have no one to limit me on my actions. I rise from the chair, and fall back down. I begin to feel empowerment, excitement even. Most women that I know would never feel such a way after their husbandâs death. âFree, free, free!â I begin to whisper. My pulses start to race. The terror which had overwhelmed me has dissolved.
I had loved Brently sometimes, though I often did not. I tried to shake that thought out of my head because it doesnât matter anymore. I knew that once I see my husband at the funeral, in his coffin just lying there, I would grieve once again, but subsequently, the years that I have left will belong to me and no one else. I welcome the time I will have. That power that my husband had that bended my own is now gone. Love is an unresolved mystery, which canât count for the possession of self-assertion that I have just been given access to.
I started to whisper again,â Free! Body and soul free!â
Josephine was behind the door shouting,â Louise, open the door! You will make yourself ill!â I ignore her warning. I am not making myself ill. My husband was who made me ill. âGo away! I am not making myself ill!â I shout in reply.
I think of the days to come, spring and summer days, and all types. All of these days will be my own. I took a deep breath, praying that life may be long.
I finally get up from the chair, and open the door to my sister. I grab her waist and walked down the stairs with her. My newly found freedom has filled me with life. Richards was still here waiting at the bottom.
Then, as we reached the bottom stair, someone opened the front door with a key. My terror returned at the sight of the figure that entered. It was Brently. My heart begins to race and I feel a horrible pain in my chest. I grab my chest and fall, then just pure darkness.
Great rewrite. From how it sounds this is written in the first person point of view where Mrs. Mallard was the protagonist. For example the story was written in way in which the reader was given full access to her thoughts and her opinions which was also used to give a better and more speedily description of the more important events. The style of writing was executed properly. Be advised there are a few grammar mistakes to be aware of which can easily be fix- nothing major- but for the most part, great re-write and keep up the good work.
I agree that writing in first person point of view allowed us access to Mrs. Mallard’s thoughts, and it helps to clear up some questions we may have had reading the original. Thank you, and thanks for point out the mistakes. I’ll continue to revise.
This is a good rewrite. It gives us a from what could be said from Mrs.Mallard point of view and how she is responding to the death of her husband. I also did a retelling of this story and i did it from the point of view of Mrs.Mallard sister Josephine and i think this can help compare how the two view the death of Mrs.Mallard husband and how they react to her actions differently. It also shows the different thought process that is going on when Mrs.Mallard learns about the death of her husband to when she see her husband at the end.
I can understand how Mrs. Mallard and her sister would have two different views from the death of Brently. Josephine would think the obvious, that her sister is devastated, but her sister was actually relieved. I also agree that our two stories can actually show those difference between the two woman. Thanks!!
I really like your retelling. Rewriting in autodiegetic first-person narrative allowed me to have more thoughts about Louiseâs feeling after her husbandâs death. Especially when she was told about her husbandâs death by her sister, Louise had no idea why Josephine brought up the news about the railroad accident. But later she spoke in broken sentences that âAmong the names of those killed, was Brently,â and Louise got shocked then. I was able to picture the scene clearer in your story than in the original story.
I saw some limitation of rewriting in first-person point of view as well. For example, Josephine was kneeling before the closed door when she was begging for Louise to open the door. But in Louiseâs point of view, she cannot see Josephine was kneeling down. Also she wouldnât be able to know that doctors said she âdied of heart disease â of the joy that kills,â because she is already dead.
I see what you mean about the limitations. When I was rewriting this, I had a problem with the ending. I wasn’t too sure on how to depict Mrs. Mallard’s death. It’s basically impossible to narrate your own death. Thank you for your opinions!
Your classmates have guided you well. The ending is the most striking difference to me–and you’re right, it’s one of the hardest parts of the autodiegetic narration. How could you express the idea of the horror returning, or the idea that her heart trouble becomes an issue? I hope that you’ll address this aspect of the retelling in your comparative essay. Autodiegetic narration removes that extra layer of reflection, so we don’t get to know what other people think when the protagonist doesn’t know.