I came out at sunset into the streets of Salem Village where I met my beautiful wife, Faith. At the sight of her I could tell that my presence would please her more then to see me part. As we met, we kissed while the wind played with pink ribbons on her cap, enhancing her beauty which only made the tensions of my departure grow.
“Dearest heart” she whispered, softly and rather sadly, “pr’ythee, put off your journey until sunrise, and sleep in your own bed to-night”. As much as I would rather be with the loving comfort of my wife I most continue on my journey. Continuing she said “A lone woman is troubled with such dreams and such thoughts, that she’s afeard of herself, sometimes. Pray, tarry with me this night, dear husband, of all nights in the year!”
Little did she know how much she did move me, but the call of duty was upon me as I was dedicated to answer and to see what awaited. “My Love and my Faith” Trying my best to bring forth the trust and love she had for me to the surface, “My journey, as thou callest it, forth and back again, must needs be done ‘twixt now and sunrise. What, my sweet, pretty wife, dost thou doubt me already, and we but three months married!”
I stared as she gazed into my eyes, as if she was searching for the hidden truths behind my words. An overwhelming swallow came upon me “Then God bless you!”- I shook suddenly- “and may you find all well, when you come back!” she said.
I smiled uncontrollable at the furry hidden in such a gentle woman that was wrapped with patients and understanding. Faith, as one may call it. “Amen!” I cried. Maybe trying to startle her just the same, but unsuccessfully. “Say thy prayers, dear faith, and go to bed at dusk, and no harm will come to thee” and we parted.
I was now on my way through the forest which was torture at its purest definition. I once had the privilege of company along my journey but I caused my own loneliness. Goody Cloyse and her companion guided me through majority of the woods when suddenly I stopped abruptly and gave in to my own fears to continue on. Driven by fear but once again, going back to this unforeseen location saturated with terror I somehow seem to fly away from the diamonds that had took chase.
Suddenly I came upon what can only be described as a towns meeting but of unusual characteristics. The dammed mingling with the priests, the righteous with the witches and all commanded by a figure ahead. The figure- surrounded by giant burning trees that resembled giant touches- commanded authority and received as the crowd sang in harmony. I was baffled.
“Bring forth the converts!” I froze. Then despite my fears my body moved as if my soul was being taken to what can only be described as an altar ahead, I gave in. As I walked I can see my dead father- I am sure it is- and he calls, beckoning me to advance. “Mother?!” “Is that my mother too” I said softly. Looking ahead I watched this familiar figure that only showed despair, throw out her hand to warm me back but It was far too late for me to heed mother’s warnings. I continued without rethink or even trying to find the will.
The minister and good old Deacon Gookin took hold of my arms and led me to the blazing rock. Then appeared the pious teacher of the catechism, my old teacher, along with Martha Carrier, a woman that was known to have accepted the devil’s ring itself. Something was starting that I could not fully comprehend. Confusions took hold of me as I felt the presence of evil. Skimming through the faces at last I found Faith!. “Welcome, my children,” said the dark figure, “to the communion of your race! Ye have found, thus young, your nature and your destiny. My children, look!” A large wind took hold and the crowd turned.
Flashing forth, as it were, in a sheet of flame, the fiend-worshippers were seen; the smile of welcome gleamed darkly on every visage.
The figure in font spoke once again “There are all whom ye have reverenced from youth. Ye deemed them holier than yourselves, and shrank from your own sin, contrasting it with their lives of righteousness, and prayerful aspirations heavenward. Yet, here are they all, in my worshipping assembly! This night it shall be granted you to know their secret deeds” I was only amazed at what was to come. My thoughts were broken as the figure somehow continued to expose the horrors of the towns’ people’s past, only to convince us of our obvious joined evil’s revealing the horrors which would make the righteous scorn.
The silence of my mind was interrupted as the figure announced. “Far more than this! It shall be yours to penetrate, in every bosom, the deep mystery of sin, the fountain of all wicket arts, and which inexhaustibly supplies more evil impulses then human power – than my power, at its utmost! – can make manifest in deeds. And now, my children, look upon each other”
But Faith! Where is Faith? My pale face took sight of my wife the voice said once more “ Lo! There stand, my children!” In one motion, the shape of Evil dipped his hands in liquid that strongly resembled blood to continue laying the mark of baptism upon us. As the hand laid rest, and as my last conscious thoughts vanished I managed to manifest “Faith!, Faith!” I cried, “Look up to Heaven, and resist the Wicked One!”…
As bizarre as it may be, I have never dreamed so vividly that my own faith struggles to hold on to my soul. Like a bewildered man I stumbled into town only regaining full awareness as I saw familiar objects and faces. The memories of the event flashed back continuously, tormenting me.
“how can I find my ‘faith’ now!?” I asked unsuccessfully, with only the wind as my reply
Minutes turns into hours, hours into years; life continues. My wife was subject to my own scrutiny where I could not fully explain its origins. I labeled the town as pure hypocrites for matters that were never disclosed. As for myself, I was a vast field where gloom flourished continuously and thrived; Life continued and so did I, everyday making me a bit more weary.
From reading your rewrite of Young Goodman Brown, it was being told in the first person narration (autodegetic narration). I got to see how Mr. Brown was feeling and his perspective in the demonic scene. I like how you protrayed Mr. Brown’s feeling s when he was leaving his wife to go into the woods and I also like how you continue to stick to with the language of the story. You did an excellent job in not veering off to modern day language. However, I have a few suggestions and questions for improvement on your work.
You stated “An overwhelming swallow came upon me “Then God bless you!”- I shook suddenly- “and may you find all well, when you come back!” she said.” All I did was laugh when I read this section, What did you mean by this? Why didn’t you state when Mr. Brown first encountered Goody Cloyse? In the end of the story, it sounds as if Mr. Brown really witnessed these demonic rituals/practics in the forest, is this what you were trying to portray? Because in the real story, Mr. Brown wakes up from a dream. Also, you state “My wife was subject to scrutiny where I could not fully explain its origins.” What are you implying when you state this? Lastly, you have some grammar faults, some words are spelled incorrectly such as “rapped” (wrapped) and “bazar” (bizarre). Overall good work, I just need these questions to be clarified.
Thanks in advance for the feed back and the questions, I’ll make the adjustments. As for “An overwhelming swallow came upon me “Then God bless you!”- I shook suddenly- “and may you find all well, when you come back!” she said.” was used to give faith a dominant characteristic. “An overwhelming swallow’ refers to that feeling you have when you’re faced with a tough situation which usually elicits a loud gulp. This was added to state that he was nervous due to the authority he wife held in their marriage or can be shown as how much he loved her and did not want to lose her. Going into the question “Why didn’t you state when Mr. Brown first encountered Goody Cloyse?”; that section was cut out due to the length of the story, i wanted to keep it short and simple while focusing on two main events which were the departure from his wife and the devilish dream. For the last portion of the story I see now that I have not developed his thoughts in the proper manner to explain what i was trying to portray. “My wife was subject to scrutiny where I could not fully explain its origins.” refers to his confusion where he could not separate fact from fiction. It was meant to show that even though he could not tell if the dream took place or not, he still judged the town and his own wife for acts he could not prove. Thanks again for the feedback, it was highly appreciated.
I can see that you shifted the third person limited point of view into a first person auto diegetic point of view. In doing this, you have given us access to Goodman Brown’s thoughts. This allows us to know what he’s thinking and feeling. As Stephanie mentioned, I too admire how you remained with the same type of dialogue as the original story. It gives the reader a sense of when the story is taking place. After reading your story, I understand the feelings and thoughts of Goodman Brown during the events that take place. I have one concern about the ending. Does Goodman Brown actually witness the demonic meeting? Other than that, this was a great story to read. Great job!
I appreciate the feedback, Thank You. At the end of the story I wanted the reader to truly believe that the event took place which I feel puts you more into the head of Goodman. In the portion of the rewrite that states “As bizarre as it may be, I have never hallucinated that insanely where reality and fiction broke its boarders. Like a bewildered man I stumbled back into town only regaining full consciousness as I saw familiar objects and faces. The memories tormented me “how can I find my faith now?” I asked unsuccessfully, with only the wind as my reply.” I left it open to the readers to imagine where exactly did he come from. By not stating that he came out of his own bed or from the wilderness, left room for the reader to be a little confused which puts you in his shoes at that very moment. This was also meant to elicit wonder in regards to the question, was it really a dream?, or, did the story portray magic to be real and merely caused the event to seem dream like?.
As for this sentence “The memories tormented me “how can I find my faith now?” I asked unsuccessfully, with only the wind as my reply.” I tweaked it a little to give it a better flow. I instead wrote “The memories of the event flashed back continuously, tormenting me… “how can I find my ‘faith’ now!?” I asked unsuccessfully, with only the wind as my reply”. This was done merely to add a little more clarity. Thanks again for the feed back, it was highly appreciated.
I enjoyed reading your retelling, and the exchange you’ve had with your commenting classmates. I think it’s fine to choose to lean more toward an interpretation of the experience having happened rather than it being a dream, but you don’t want to eliminate the possibility entirely. What have you included that gives the sense that it could have been a dream?
Occasionally you don’t capitalize Faith’s name, and it makes it confusing, as though you mean the concept rather than the person. In the story, the use of the name Faith is allegorical–she’s meant to represent the concept of faith–but it is never literalized. I mean, Young Goodman Brown doesn’t think his wife is the concept of faith, so be careful to capitalize and not conflate Faith with faith.
Goody is the community’s name for a woman, so you might change the reference from his to her.
I agree with your classmates that it was great how you used the dialect and some of the language from the story. Around some of the quotations, though, you leave out some punctuation or indications of who is speaking, so I got a little confused.
Near the end of the retelling, you write “As bizarre as it may be, I have never hallucinated that insanely where reality and fiction broke its boarders.” I think the language–hallucinated, reality and fiction–are 20th century ideas, and not in character for Youn Goodman Brown. What language might he use to convey the extreme nature of the evening? He’s not so interested in fiction vs reality–what is he concerned with?
What are some of the points of comparison you draw on for Part 2? Definitely in the autodiegetic narration, you can’t include his dying at the end. Will this be important in your comparison? Or will it have more to do with how his feelings for his wife and his reaction to the experience in the woods are expressed differently in the 3rd person limited and autodiegetic narrations?