It was a nice beautiful afternoon, when my sister’s friend Richard came over to my house and told me about the news of my sister’s husband Brently had died in a railroad accident. “How could this have happen,” I said with a sadden voice. “Have you told Louise about this yet?” Richard just stood there and finally said “How could I break this news to her without breaking her heart.” “I was hoping you can tell your sister about her husband,” Richard had said with a troubled face.
We went to Louise’s house to tell her about the tragic news about her husband. On the way to her house we had discussed about how we should break the news about her husband and that we had to take caution on the effect that this will have on Louise. As we approached Louise’s house tears started to come down from my eyes, as I was afraid that this would be too much of a burden that Louise can handle. After calming down and the tears have stopped, we rang the bell on Louise’s house.
The door opens and Louise greets us with a smile, “Hello there Josephine and Richard.” When we go inside we went into the living room and Louise brings us a cup of tea. As I was sitting there with Louise, I started to feel tears coming down again when I think about breaking this news to Louise. I resolved myself to tell Louise the news as I was drinking the tea. When I finished the cup of tea Louise brought, she asked if I wanted more tea. “Louise, you have to listen to me carefully now,” as Louise listens with a calm face “ Your……Husband……..Brently………he was in a railroad accident today.” “Richard found out the news today when he was at the newspaper office and Brently’s name was on the list of those that have been killed.”
Louise calm face suddenly turned pale and she was just sitting in the chair with no expression. Then she started crying like she was a newborn baby and I held her in my arms. Louise cried in my arms for a while and when she stopped crying she slowly went upstairs to her room. As I was following her up to the room, she closed the door and locked it before I can go inside of it.
I waited outside of Louise room, but I did not hear any noise from inside the room and I started to worry about Louise’s health. I started to bang on the door and yell “Louise, are you ok?” “Please open the door.” There was no response from Louise so I looked through the keyhole of the door and I can briefly see Louise sitting on a chair near the window. Louise seemed to be lifeless as she did not move at all. My worry started to increase, as I called for Richard.
“Richard……Richard,” as I yelled the loudest I could. Richard came running up the stairs wondering what was going on. “Louise is just sitting on the chair near the window, I’m worried that her heart is giving her troubles.” As I told this to Richard I asked if he can call the doctor over and find a way to open the door. When Richard went downstairs to call the doctor, I suddenly hear a faint noise from the room and I put my ear closer to the door. “Free! Body and soul free!” I can faintly hear Louise saying this.
I started to panic and wondering what this message can mean so I kneed down and put my mouth by the key hole and started to beg Louise to open the door. “Louise, open the door! I beg; open the door—you will make yourself ill. What are you doing, Louise? For heaven’s sake open the door.” Louise yells back answering my cry for her to open the door “Go away. I am not making myself ill.” I started to worry more and kept wondering what she was doing inside that room. I yell for Richard “Richard have you found a way to open the door yet?” Suddenly the door opens and Louise comes out of the room. “Louise,” I yelled with a worried face but she seem to not notice my cry for her.
As Louise came out of the room, she did not have a face of one that just lost her husband. Louise looked like she came out of a fight with the devil himself and had the face of a goddess that won the battle with the devil. Louise helped me off my knees and held me by the waist.
“Let’s go downstairs,” she said to me with happy face. As we went down the stairs, Richard was waiting for us and said “Louise, are you ok?”
As we walked down the stairs the door suddenly opened and a familiar body figure was at the door.
“Brently!” I yelled as loud as I could. I turned around to look at Louise, but her face turned pale as seen a ghost. Richard tried to block Brently from Louise’s view, but it was too late. Brently stood there with a confused look on his face, as he had no clue on what was
happening.
Then a thud sound could be heard and Louise had fallen to the floor. “Louise!” I cried. Louise showed no sign of breathing. “Richard where is the doctor?” I asked while panicking. A few minutes later the doctor shows up and claimed that Louise had died of a heart disease.
Your homodiegetic narration tells the story of Louise Mallard learning of her husband’s death from the point of view of her sister, Josephine. In your version, you delve into Josephine’s feelings, enhancing what the original story included with the addition of Josephine’s struggle to deal with Brently’s death. Re-read your version and check on the tense of the verbs. Sometimes you shift into the present tense, but it seems that you mean to tell it all as past tense.
What comparisons do you see as the basis for Part 2? You might find it interesting to think about what’s known on either side of the door in the middle of the story, and what the keyhole view offers Josephine, who can’t get into the room with her sister.