Monthly Archives: October 2017

Virtues from Motherhood: A college mom dilemma

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Decades ago, going to college was a rite of passage; a time to spread your wings, and probably your first time out on your own. Often times a “student” fit into one mold; 18-23, single, no kids and no exterior responsibilities. Fast forward to the current college model, where the average age of a college student is 27 and you’ll see a dramatic shift in the student body. In New York City, most colleges are urban commuter colleges with limited space for an actual campus; and students who fit college into their lives outside of their jobs and families.

In this commuter college model you’ll find more and more moms, some single moms and some not, but all trying to better their lives for the sake of their child(ren). It is an enormous feat for a young mom to obtain any type of college degree before she is thirty. This is even more difficult when she has to find childcare and be able to afford it, so when a program fits her needs financially, it should also give her peace of mind.

A few weeks ago a classmate of mine, Candice, approached me about a dilemma she was having with her three year old son. Candice wanted to voice the issue but wasn’t sure where to do so; when she heard about my Virtues from Motherhood blog she asked for my help. Candice was concerned that the little ones from the child care center no longer had access to an elevator, because the ones in the general building have been out of service all semester. When she drops her son off at the start of her day he then troops through campus up and down flights of stairs to get to his classroom on the third floor. “It’s just not fair you know, they’re students too” she said to me when I met with her in the campus bookstore cafe. Candice had gone to SGA and voiced her concerns and was told the elevators were under contract and slated to be fixed; but when? Candice is taking 19 credits this semester, a busy schedule indeed, and she’s crossed paths with her son and his class while moving from one room to another. This means that these little City Tech students are mingling with students of the general population, in elevators and on stairs, which presents a potential hazard for them. This is troubling for Candice as she worries that he’ll slip, trip, or fall when moving around the staircases of a busy college campus.

Candice’s worries are not the only ones college moms face. With the elevators out of service other moms, some pregnant, have to lug their child and their strollers up the stairs. Why? Because campus policy forbids them from leaving them in the lobby of the general building. Even moms-to-be have their fair share of worries too. Alexander, an expecting mom, constantly has to protect her belly in the crowded elevators and common spaces. She tried to get permission to use the disability elevators if she provided a note from her obstetrician, but was denied.

Candice and Alexander’s stories made me think back to my college journey which started in 2008. I got pregnant with my daughter, Ava, during my first semester and when I got placed on bed rest in spring 2009 the college would not accept my medical leave and I failed my courses, ultimately getting me academically dismissed. When I did go back to school I was unable to access the child care because of silly technicalities, and my advisor even told me to drop my courses and come back when my daughter was older.

All of these issues we face might seem insignificant to the average student; but to a student who is also a mom, it weighs on us. While there have been great advances in making college accessible to parents, we still have a ways to go with creating an environment that is accepting of moms and not just tolerant.

Julie Andrews

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Many people look to the likes of Maya Angelou, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Alice Walker or Shirley Chisholm as their feminist heroes. But as a young girl, I never knew of these women or their heroic roles in America. Most of them I only know little of; mainly a brief knowledge of their largest achievements and nothing more.

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American poet, memoirist, and civil rights activist.

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American politician.

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Late former First Lady of the United States.

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American novelist, writer, poet, and activist.

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American politician, educator, author and the first black woman to be elected to the US Congress.

 

As a young girl, the strong women in my life were my grandmothers, my mother, my aunts and… Julie Andrews.

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Dane Julia Elizabeth Andrews:
Born October 1, 1935.
English actress, singer, and dancer.

Dane Julie Andrews is, well,  the  BOMB.  

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She was Queen Clarisse Rinaldi, Mary Poppins, Maria Von Trapp and basically just the most magical woman– Nay! HUMAN– to exist in my lifetime. I watched The Sound of Music and wanted to be as reckless and filled with the life that Andrews’ Maria was and is. I wanted to be as in control as Mary Poppins and just as straight up fire as the queen she portrayed in The Princess Diaries.

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Her fictional roles, however, pale in comparison to a woman who has had a career that spans over seven decades and a multitude of awards. Julie Andrews may have lost some of her range vocally, but she continues as a cultural icon. She perseveres and remains one of my favorite of my role models.

As I continue to discover myself as a woman, I will, of course, find new heroes and new goals. However, Julie Andrews was one of the first public women I ever looked up to and I still admire her as such.

All artwork by Pebbles.

(Happy belated birthday, Dane Julie Andrews!)

 

A Slice of Pie

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two holiday inspired pies

Image by: Cynthia Classen

As autumn settles in and summer has come to an end, it becomes time for the colder weather to take hold…for the holidays to roll around…for the winter clothes to be taken out of storage…for the beauty of Indian summer to overcome nature. I love autumn as well as the winter…I find that it is the most beautiful time of year. Around this particular time of year, everyone gets so crazy about pumpkin spice everything…it’s in fragrances, car air fresheners, lattes, et cetera. But I hardly get interested in this trendy nonsense instead this season brings on other memories. No matter who you are or the life that you lived, we all have that one person…that one important person in our lives who always made us feel special, cared for, and loved. That person could be a family member or a close friend but someone who has always stuck by you despite life’s difficulties. And as the holidays are coming soon, I found myself thinking of all the people that I appreciate in my life…every single person who has made my life better.

When I was younger, my grandmother would always purchase gifts for me and my sisters on her way home from work. It could’ve be the most inexpensive thing but it meant the world to me…just to have her think about getting me something special…something that she knew I’d appreciate. We weren’t exactly the most financially stable family so there was no Christmas tree or any gifts…and we weren’t even ones to really celebrate the holidays altogether. Still, my grandmother would try her very best to shower us with as many gifts as she could…fulfilling this traditional role of a grandparent and trying to spoil us as much as possible.

My grandmother really fought for us…even as her grandchildren, she did everything in her power to keep us happy and to ensure that we had a good childhood. There is one gift that for some reason topped the rest…it has always held a greater value for me. Being a writer, I always had an interest in books and because I was the middle child…I always wanted to be like my older sister. I was so quick to things, I wanted to learn my alphabet and then to read. My grandmother had purchased this children’s book for me and my sisters titled, “Sweet Potato Pie” by Anne Rockwell. It was a short book that describes how a family was so busy…they each had their own jobs, tasks, and responsibilities but the grandmother always had a way of getting the family together by way of her homemade sweet potato pie. I still love this book just the same and it is by far the best thirty-two pages that I have ever read. This book has held such a great impact in my life and every time that autumn comes around…as the holiday season slowly approaches; I am captivated by the thought of sweet potato pie. Much like the book, my grandmother is a phenomenal baker and has made plenty of pies for the holidays especially sweet potato pies. My grandmother holds such a matriarch title in our family that she unites us as one multi-generational family by way of both her baking and her peaceful spirit. And to quote the most pivotal line of this children’s book, “Everybody’s happy. Why, oh, why? Grandma’s baking…sweet potato pie! That’s why!” (A. Rockwell, Sweet Potato Pie, Feb. 1996).

Deno’s Wonder Wheel

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If anyone would ask eight year old Sabrina what was the scariest amusement park ride she could possibly think of, she would have replied with a very unoriginal kid-type of answer, any crazy roller coaster with all types of loops and anti-gravity. If someone were to propose the same question now, I would answer with The Wonder Wheel or any other Ferris wheel similar to this childhood joy. Something about being flimsily locked into a cage and being rotated and swung, about one hundred fifty feet in the air makes me a bit queasy.

The first stop in the history of Deno’s Wonder Wheel is placed in Atlantic City, New Jersey in 1891 when a carpenter by the name of William Somers placed a file patenting a structure he called a “Roundabout.” He was mass making these Roundabouts for local amusement parks in Atlantic City, Asbury, and Coney Island. His structure was made of wood and lifted its riders fifty feet in the air. Somers wanted to publicize his invention and was the first to patent this idea. With the help of Google Patents which transcribes patents to viewable versions for the internet, I was able to find Somer’s Patent, US489238. It includes his structural drawings to concisely prove the concept of his invention. This is the first patent regarding the Roundabout and all of its successors.

Structural drawing to prove the concept as viable for patent.

Image Credit: Google Patent

According to Smithsonian.com In 1890 architect and urban planner, Daniel Burnham (whom I’ve mentioned in a past post for creating the Flatiron Building), was commissioned to be the Director of Works for the World’s fair of 1893 in Chicago. The city hoped to have him present America with its own version of the beautiful Eiffel Tower. Desperate for an answer to the city’s need, Burnham held his own contest with engineers to invent something that would be the show-stopping piece for the fair. As a response to Burnham’s request, George Washington Gale Ferris Jr., a thirty-three year old engineer native to Pittsburgh, came up with an idea for a pleasure wheel much akin to Somer’s Roundabout although his would be illuminated and made of steel which increased the diameter of fifty feet to two hundred fifty feet. It would be delicate and tensile, Ferris thought it was perfect for the program but Burnham shot down his idea since he felt that it was too fragile to safely carry passengers at that height. Instead of giving up on his dream, Ferris commissioned the project by himself with twenty-five thousand dollars. On June 21, 1893 he debuted his structure as the Eiffel Tower of the fair; it was a success. From then on, Somers was forgotten in the public eye and we now refer to Roundabouts as Ferris Wheels.

On Memorial Day of 1920 Charles Herman, engineer, opened a Ferris wheel to the public. Its conception took about nineteen months with the help of the Eccentric Ferris Wheel Company. it was one hundred fifty feet in diameter and could have as many as one hundred forty-four passengers at maximum capacity. This two hundred ton beauty had a total of twenty-four cars (sixteen stationary cars which are on the outer circle of the wheel and eight cars that rock for the real thrill-seekers which are in the center) all of which could hold up to six people. Herman named the wheel “Dip-the-Dip” and it remained in his service and care for the next years until his death. His son Fred Garms took over the legacy and took care of the ride while making his own additions, like the “Spook-a-rama”. In 1983, Garms sold the rides to a Greek born immigrant by the name of Constantinos Dionysios “Deno” Vourderis for two hundred fifty thousand dollars.

Image Credit: Atlas Obscura

This is where the name that we all grew up with, comes into light, “Deno’s Wonder Wheel Amusement Park”. In 1948, Deno had proposed to his wife in front of the Wonder Wheel; in addition to promising to love and stand by her for the rest of his life, he also promised to buy the Wonder Wheel, one day, and buy her a ring she deserved; he kept those promises. In 1994, Deno passed away leaving his sons to take on his legacy just as Herman and his son.

To this day, The Wonder Wheel has a perfect safety record after ninety-seven years in business and is the best example of care for an amusement park ride. It is also deemed the most romantic ride since it’s seen many proposals. The public loved the ride so much that there are two known replicas in California and Japan.

Shown in this image is the Greek flag which is to represent Deno’s heritage.

From family to family the Wonder Wheel was passed and every owner deeply cared for it; having this remarkable desire to keep everyone safe by maintaining the wheel’s health.

Silence is killer.

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Ever heard the phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger“? Well that can go two ways. Ladies and gentlemen today I’d like to bring light to the topic of cyberbullying. Many people say that words can’t hurt someone, but that’s a lie, words hurt people and it can cause mental pain. We live in the era of technology where unfortunately this has become all too common but what people don’t realize is how words can be deadly. The term deadly, I use it because words cause suicide, I won’t sugar coat it, I will be blunt, words can drive people off the edge. Did you know In just high school alone, over 14 percent of students have considered suicide from cyberbullying and the percentage of students who’ve attempted it? 7 percent. These numbers may not seem all that much but when you consider the amount of students and the amount of schools, it’s pretty scary, yeah reality check guys. Today I chose to speak of something outside of my usual topics because this has a deep meaning  to me. This month is the month where we bring awareness to this dimmed down topic, a topic people just brush away, but this will not go unnoticed.

Created by: Gennessy Palma

I talk today to bring both concern, to this topic and comfort. To anyone who feels out of place, to anyone who is or has been bullied, stand up, stand tall know YOU are not alone! Take a stand and fight for yourself don’t allow anyone to make you feel less than anything in life, I come in peace and today; I want to remind everyone and anyone who is reading this, know you mean something, know you are of value, know that you are beautiful, handsome, a rare jewel. Don’t allow yourself to be brought down by people who know NOTHING about you. There is always help but it begins with you, reach out be strong don’t hold your tongue, and if you’re not being bullied, but you see it, don’t be a bystander! Cyberbullying comes in many forms and can even lead to physical issues, don’t let it reach that far, make a difference and defend someone when they can’t defend themselves. If you suspect that your friend, or family member has been bullied and is considering suicide, take a look at the warning signs. Together, we can conquer anything; and with that being said, I hope you leave with this in consideration, always be careful with what you say, your words can be responsible for a life.

Beware of Fake Friends

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It all started when I reached the stage of maturity, that was when my life changed forever. My outlook on life, as well as my cognitive processing transformed completely. My mind was developing, and I could feel myself seeing life through a different perspective. I was evolving mentally, physically, and internally. When I entered this new environment, the possibilities of where my life could be were endless. I realized that new opportunities were being presented to me, and I decided to break out my shell and go for them. I decided that I would find ways to experience life, just like all of my other “friends” did. In doing so I awakened a part of myself that I never knew was hidden within me. Through every painful experience that occurred in my life, I drew deeper within myself, and another person was forced out. At times when I looked in the mirror, I no longer saw that sweet, outgoing, extremely intelligent person that once stared back at me. However, I did see a strong young woman, who was going down the wrong path, dealing with the wrong people, and putting herself in the wrong positions.

Let’s just jump right into the first downfall in my life which was the group of people I surrounded myself with. I prefer to name them by their “outstanding” characteristics than their actual names for now. The two kinds of young women that caused the most turmoil in my life were the Alpha, and the Mime. Each one of these characters were a stepping stone to me finding the other side of me. Individually these people, at one time or another were ranked as high priority in my life. However, after spending enough time with them, I realized that I was more beneficial to them, than they were to me. I tried out various combinations of these sorts of people, until I realized that these people just didn’t work for me.
Let’s begin with the Alpha, because they usually appear to be the leaders of the group. I have encountered more than one Alpha in my life, but no matter how different they may seem, I’ve seen similarities in them all. This female or male may be known to seek power over others even though they themselves are being used by people more powerful than them. The Alpha can be manipulative, and knows how to get what he or she wants. However they expose themselves in various areas of their lives which makes them vulnerable to the ones closest to them. Just like a bully, in actuality the Alpha is sometimes the weakest person, because they need other people to validate their strength. If the Alpha is not idolized, they face adversity which they are not equipped to handle, and they crack under pressure.

The Mime is the person in the group who has not yet discovered their identity. They are a follower who picks up traits from other people and uses these characteristics to build themselves up. This person is, for a lack of better words, a follower. At times you will see traces of your own personality within them. At some points you’ll wonder, when did this person become so much like me? When did we start dressing alike? When did we start speaking alike? If you have to ask yourself these questions then more than likely you should re-evaluate your friendship immediately. The Mime in this group of friends is able to adapt multiple personalities at once. In some ways they may seem like a super friend. However when the fog starts to clear, you’ll start to see cracks, and flaws in their perfection.

Both of these people entered my life at a time when I was open to new friends, but I wasn’t aware that not everyone has good intentions. I allowed them into my space and I allowed them to alter my life. I decided to tell you about these two kinds of people because having them in my life didn’t benefit me, and if you notice that people in your life have the same characteristics, you should steer clear of them. Life is short and relationships can be even shorter. However, if you use the characteristics I listed above you’ll be able to sift out people who will impact your lives negatively. Now I’m not saying that this description is completely accurate, but I am telling you to watch out who you let into your life. People can be toxic, and you should watch out how quick you are to befriend them because they can turn your life upside down. In retrospect, now that I think about it, the only way I could find out what kind of friends worked for me and who didn’t, was to try things out for size. I gave each of these kinds of people a distinct role in my life for a trial period. Some of them were disappointments, some helped me learn valuable lessons, and others were a complete waste of time. All in all, from each situation I encountered, I gained new and useful knowledge. This particular knowledge helps guide me into the right direction till this day, while also preventing me from involving myself with toxic people. My message to anyone reading this blog is: Don’t waste your time, and watch out for who you may be calling your friend.

Happy Birthday Queen Bee!

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Today is a special day hunny! I introduced you to this phenomenal woman a few weeks back, my mom Rachel, and today is her 56th birthday! Right now her and I are having a poolside pina colada (yes at 9 am, it IS her birthday lol). I decided to dedicate this post to her, I’m absolutely obsessed with her, and so happy to be sharing another birthday with this chica.

I think one of the greatest blessings in this world is a mother. A mother’s love is a lifelong, selfless, forgiving, giving, unique love that you can only know if you are a mother. I am not yet a mother but if I could be only a fraction of the mother she is one day, I know I will be great. I actually strive to be twice the mother she is, so my unborn children are in for some RIDICULOUS lovin’!

One thing I know about my mom is she has dedicated her life to her 5 children and 3 grand children. I have seen her give her last, time and time again for any of us. Her love for us kept her from home from work for our stomachaches and headaches (the real AND the fake ones), pregnancy nausea, or just playing hooky every once in awhile. Her love put us first always and set the highest examples for us.

One of my favorite childhood memories with my mom was writing poetry together. I probably only contributed a few words or some grammatical adjustments, but she always put my initials in her signature. I want to share with you my mother’s own words that reflects her motherhood, a poem entitled “Children”, written by her back in 2000. Enjoy 🙂

“Children”- Rachel Noel Pg 1

“Children”- Rachel Noel Pg 2

“Children”- Rachel Noel Pg 3

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

The Right to Speak Up

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“I am speechless, but I can’t keep quiet
And I am wordless, but I can’t stay silent”

-Lauren Daigle, “Wordless” on her album How Can It Be

Have you ever been so overcome with emotion that you were completely speechless?

We often put ourselves in others’ shoes, imagining what we would do if we were in their situation; but when it happens to us, somewhere between the realm of the hypothetical and reality, we lose our thoroughly-thought-out, immaculately articulated responses.

There will be times when, frankly, life will shut you up. Something so shocking, painful, or nerve-wracking will leave your lips locked and your tongue tied. Choosing to speak up will not be the easy, automatic thing to do, but you will know that it is the right thing to do.

Two weeks ago, in my blog post The Right to Remain Silent, I talked about how silence can be a constructive form of communication. On the flip side, there are times when keeping quiet hinders more than it helps. It is imperative to know when to break the silence. 

a broken brick wall exposing a partly cloudy sky

Getty Images (Vkyryl)

Speak Up against Injustice

Victims of injustice often have a hard time seeking justice on their own. The stigma, pain, and residual feelings of weakness stifle their attempts, and they remain silent because it seems to be the only reasonable option. This is especially the case for victims of sexual assault, violence, and harassment. Nevertheless, whether you are the victim or you know one personally, speaking up about it might be uncomfortable, but it is the only way to initiate change.

City Tech has taken a stand against crimes of that nature by providing mandatory When Yes Means Yes… Sexual Assault Training for Students and  Title IX Training for Employees. The goal is to make more people aware so that the excuse “I didn’t know” evaporates. Bringing the issue to the light affirms the victims, exposes the perpetrators, warns potential offenders and calls the bystanders to action.

Speak Up about Secret Struggles

If you are anything like me, the worse a problem gets, the less willing you are to tell people about it, especially if it is an internal problem. By internal I mean something going on inside of your mind, a struggle in which you are battling your own thoughts, emotions, or habits.

a man with his arms crossed in a pool of dark ink, refusing to receive help from the many hands reaching out to him

Art by Katherine Choi (NY Times)

To give one example, I am guilty of being too much of a perfectionist at times. If I am running late to school, I would much rather it be due to delays and packed subway cars, rather than my oversleeping or not being able to find my glasses. I end up red-faced and teary-eyed on the train platform, angry at myself for making the same mistake over and over, angry that I did not get to bed early enough so that I could wake up comfortably and early this morning, angry that the reason I stayed up is because it took me hours to complete an assignment that other people could do in just one… Next thing you know I’m angry at myself for being angry and making such a big deal over nothing.

It can be a simple character flaw or a clinically diagnosed disorder, but whatever inner struggles you are facing, I encourage you to speak about it. If you were able to handle things yourself, then you wouldn’t be battling yourself. So what will keeping it to yourself do, except make things worse? Reach out to counselors at school, a trusted friend, a professional, a spiritual leader, family member–any confidant can make all the difference. Sometimes you need to hear a voice other than your own, but first, someone has to hear yours. (Please check out my fellow blogger Samantha’s post on a similar topic, Virtues from Motherhood: Needing Help Will Never Make You Weak.)

Speak Up and Get “Greased”

Have you ever heard the saying, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease”? This means that if you have a need, you should make it known. As a college student, and especially a transfer student, I have often felt lost in a sea of demands. I have had to fill out dozens of applications, and I did not always know if I was doing so correctly.

It can be very nerve-wracking to have to go to an office and ask questions, especially if you don’t even know where to start, or if the clerks appear to have a bad attitude. Even so, there are countless resources at your disposal, both on and off campus, to help you with whatever you might need (if you are a City Tech student, see our academics site and student services site). And all of those intimidating officers and professors, guess what? They are paid to help you. When I was at NYU and facing plenty of financial conflicts, one particularly helpful bursar officer gave me his card after an appointment, and repeatedly encouraged me to come back and ask more questions because that was why he was there in the first place. So please take my advice; as the song says, “For / no one can fill / those of your needs / that you won’t let show” (“Lean On Me” by Bill Withers).

Speak Up and Be Yourself

one red game chip among dozens of blue game chips

istockphoto.com

On a lighter note, it’s not always a matter of being in need. It is important to speak up just because you have the natural born right to do so. We are all entitled to have our own opinions and to express them freely (and respectfully).

We live in a time where the lines between fact and opinion are often blurred. Sometimes opinions are given even more importance than facts. People will think you’re crazier for saying “I think Trump makes a good president” rather than “the moon is not real, it’s man-made.”

What’s more, everyone goes around saying “be yourself,” but the fine print under that statement reads, “as long as ‘yourself’ fits into this mold, or is popular, or is politically correct.” You might feel pressured to keep quiet because you are afraid that people will disagree or look down on you. My response, in short, is so what?

As a reserved Christian, my opinion is almost always in the minority, but “minority” does not mean “negligible” or “does not exist.” If you think a certain way and have taken a firm stance on something, no one has the right to silence you.

I encourage you, reader, to do something different today. You can even start small, and work your way up. Raise your hand in class if you don’t understand what the professor just said, rather than nodding absentmindedly. If you think that the person next to you is wearing an awesome shirt, tell him so. Tell your sister that she really hurt your feelings, because she might have been totally oblivious. I dare you to break the silence, because you are most definitely worth hearing.

a microphone pointed at the reader

Shutterstock image

Virtues from Motherhood: Parents aren’t perfect

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A few weeks ago, in one of my psychology classes the professor had us fill out this survey of icebreaker questions. One of those questions was “who are your heroes?” and I couldn’t help but remember answering this question in third or fourth grade and naming my parents or grandparents. That still may be the case for some of us today, but for different reasons, because as a kid we thought our parents had all the answers, they had life figured out. As we’ve aged though I think some, if not all, of us have figured out that are parents aren’t perfect because they’re human too.

Growing up I thought my parents were a well-oiled machine, my dad went to work and my mom stayed home and took care of us and there was always a hot meal and a clean house to come home to. My mom always had a solution to every problem and nothing seemed too big to tackle, and if it was I never knew about it. After becoming a parent myself, I’ve learned that this skill is more about being able to conceal chaos rather than there being none at all. Still though, being able to remain cool calm and collected no matter what was going on is a skill, and it made my childhood carefree and unperturbed.

Now an adult myself, I’ve come to realize that my parents are people too, they have their bad days and weak moments just like I do. Some days this makes me sad, to realize that the “perfection illusion” from childhood is gone but mostly it makes me feel better about myself and the days where I’m just not 100%. It’s okay to have an off day, it doesn’t mean everything falls apart; it just means you work a little harder tomorrow.

I wish I had that skill to the degree my mom possesses but I don’t, still I try and keep it altogether for Ava and I think I do a pretty good job. As I get older I learn more and more it’s about all the little pieces coming together, not a continuous flow of perfection and most of all that not every day will be perfect, and that’s okay too. The sun will still rise tomorrow.