Let me start by saying, all things considered I believe myself to be relatively close to the loop, or what it represents but not totally there-yet. A few years ago, though I was so far from the loop it was semi embarrassing, I hadn’t earned any degrees yet, I was working an aimless retail job and just began supporting my kid. In 2014 I started to get my shit together, well the most important parts of it anyway, education, career and all that fun stuff like bills, car insurance and so on. So needless to say, socializing and dating took a backseat, so even when I tried to dive back into dating, I was somewhat taken back by the dating scene, and I still don’t know if it’s me or if my generation is just a mess.
If my generation is just a mess, I won’t feel so bad but I find myself grappling with the same issues every time I date, granted not all at once but the same themes recur. Now I’m not trying to nit-pick or bash anyone or anything I’m just sharing my qualms with the dating world as a 20-something year old single mom.
Let me start with the nice guy, who’s also painfully lazy, this guy is dynamite he’s friendly, social and patient but he lacks motivation. He either just has a HS diploma, some or no college and is totally complacent with it. Back tracking for a second, some people do just fine with only a HS diploma because they get into a trade, union job or open their own business, the kind of guy I’m talking about is okay with his 15$ an hour, he doesn’t want more. That’s totally fine, but not for me, I worked too hard to be complacent and I worked too hard to share the fruits of my labor with someone who doesn’t share the drive I have. I’ve gone on dates with really nice guys that I just can’t bring home because they have nothing to bring to the table other than their charm.
The next guy on this list is the too over bearing guy, he’s got it all together he has a career a portfolio he’s established, but he has no social receptors at all. I went on a couple of dates with a guy a little older than myself who on the third date started talking about marriage, buying houses and so on. Absolutely not. That’s just too much, because not only am I sharing my life I am sharing my daughters and that kind of zooming relationship isn’t going to work for me as a mother.
The last kind of guy, or theme, I seem to find in the dating field is the “I’m working on it” guy, which wouldn’t be an issue if he was working. I don’t mind too much when a guy doesn’t drive, because after all its NYC, you don’t HAVE to have a car, but it just shows a little added responsibility and a sense of mutualism in a potential relationship (I won’t always be picking up and dropping off). But, when you’ve been in the same place for years and don’t seem to know how to bring it all together I can’t stick around, while I’ve had my fair share of struggles but I also knew when it was time to kick it into gear.
All in all, I want an equal I want someone who might be a work in progress but the progress is real, it’s tangible and we’re both able to grow. I don’t want to ever be the “bread winner” I want to be a teammate, someone who I can hustle with, in careers, in education, in life and in experiences and I’ve yet to find it. Some have one but not the other, some I’ve tried to stick it out while they figure it out, but the short of the long is I don’t have all that time to spare. It kind of feels like I’m missing something, is there some dating power card I didn’t pick up along the way or was oblivious too. I see my peers with these great relationships or flawless ability to date and I’m like“what gives?” Maybe that’s the next part of my life I’ll figure out, and I just have to be patient or maybe life is telling me to wait I have much more growing to do.