Every year as our children get older and we do our best to provide for them and nourish their abilities, I wonder if we get too consumed with the cost of life instead of its riches. We as tend to get lost in how much car payments and tuition cost instead of reaping the benefits of the little things. When was the last time you woke up on a weekday morning and didn’t calculate the amount of time you had to get out the door, the amount left in your bank account after your bills get paid. We’re so quick to calculate but we forget to stop and appreciate those little moments that are so rich.

I watch Ava walk home from school on Fridays, skipping, bouncing and prancing along and of course the mom instinct is to tell her to be careful and not fall but the afterthought is that she prances along because life is one big wondrous dance for her. For Ava, Monday might be the start of another week but a week filled with laughter with friends and new adventures. Ava doesn’t know the adult checklist ritual, the phone-keys-wallet poem we sing to ourselves before we leave the house each day. She doesn’t know the money dance that I make my bank account do so all my expenses, especially hers, get covered. I am envious of her bliss sometimes but grateful that I am able to preserve it for her as best I can. I am thankful I don’t have to explain to her why she can’t have or do certain things, I’m glad I can provide her with a strong educational background and a family that loves her unconditionally. Though Ava and I can’t jet set off to islands or 5 star hotels, we can take trips to Disney with my family and we can have Mother- Daughter lunch dates. Those things to me mean more because they’re more personal, they’re filled with more love and laughter and they’re something she looks forward to. Sometimes when I come home early on a Friday Ava and I will walk to Starbucks for a hot chocolate and a cake pop, though it’s not much her excitement for it is real, her being able to order it herself and have a Starbucks cup like mommy does is something that makes her happy, for that I’m glad.

Eventually Ava will grow up and she probably won’t jump for joy when I say let’s go get some hot chocolate but I hope that she remembers the times she did and she remembers the fun we had doing it. The little things sometimes mean more than expensive toys, clothes or gadgets because those things come and go, they hold no significance in photos, and they don’t bring back feelings. So my advice to all moms, to all parents, is to take the little things and run with them. Take a trip to central park, to the Staten Island Ferry, to the local ice cream shop and just surprise your little one with something outside of the routine. I promise they’ll thank you endlessly for it and they will be so genuinely happy that they got to do something new that day and you will have that memory of that little grin in your head the next time you feel guilty about working late. Know that those little things make them smile when they are missing you too and that in the big scheme of things … everything will be alright.

Ava,

They say a daughter is a best friend for life, someone you will always have. While this is true and you’re the best thing life could have ever given me, remember before I am your friend, I am your mother. As your mother, there will be times that you think I’m being unreasonable, unfair or controlling but understand these choices come from a place of love. My biggest fear is that you might endure harm or hurt as a result of something that was my job to protect you from. You view the world through unbiased and pure eyes and I want to preserve that as long as I possibly can, but sadly the world in which we live can be dangerous and disheartening. So when I say no you can’t go over to so and so’s house it’s not because I don’t want you to have friends, it’s because I don’t know that person’s house, their family or who you may encounter there. The world you’re growing up in is far different from the world I grew up in and an entirely new world from the one that your grandparents remember, people are not always who they appear to be and sometimes innocence is viewed as a weakness. I will always fiercely protect you and that starts with knowing who and what crosses your path.

There are times, even now at seven years old, that you think I’m being unfair or asking too much of you but I assure you it’s only because I know you are capable. Last week you came home with both a math and spelling test with a grade in the 60 percent range, the week before you scored 102% on your spelling test. I was upset with the scores and as a result you lost 15 minutes on your bedtime for an entire week much to your dismay. You complained and groaned while telling me you didn’t know the material, but I know you did and I know when you’ve stopped trying or never started. You see my lovely daughter you are a part of me, you carry traits that I myself have or have had and I know your moves before you make them. It’s funny (well, not really) that when I sit at parent teacher conferences and the teacher tells me “Ava could do so much better if she applied herself” I am reminded of the days when I was in your seat and your grandma was in mine. I know what it’s like to just generally loathe a subject or task and do it reluctantly because it is required of you that is why when it comes to math, I just ask that you do your best and bring home at least a 75%. In other subjects, ones that you’re more than capable in, I expect an 80 or better and you know this, in fact you’re able to tell me when you think you’re getting less than that. I know you’re talented, smart and more than able in most all subjects and I only push you to do better because you can, because I want you to recognize your abilities. I don’t push you because I like to memorize 20 spelling words a weeks or because I enjoy calculating peculiar common core math problems. I do it because I want you to take pride in your intelligence.

You might view me as the “bad cop” for now or until you’re out of your teenage rebellion phase, and I’m okay with that. It took me many years to realize my own mother was not Cruella Deville but a mother trying to guide her daughter on the right path of life. I disagreed, defied, ignored and drove my mother insane from ages 16-22 because I was too wound up in the rhythm of my own drum to realize I wasn’t playing a song, just making noise. Now that I’m older I see that she was right about most things and that because I was mad at the messenger I wasn’t listening to the message. At the age of 25, I have accomplished most of the things I had set out to do when I was 20 but my own blinders slowed me down. I anticipate that because you’re so strong willed and outgoing, and because you’re my child, that you will experience similar phases and anger towards me and my guidance, in fact I’m preparing for it. Just know that even when I seem crazy that there is a method to my madness and that madness is driven by my fierce and powerful love for you and no matter how old you get I will always have “bad cop” moments.

Mom