Watching Seeds Blossom Into Flowers

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As a child growing up in Brooklyn, I’ve always been very loving and willing to open up to others unconditionally. As I got older and my life evolved I’ve tried to hold on to the people I held dear to me as much as possible. I know that anything could happen in the blink of any eye, and I do not want any regrets. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into years, and I began to see all the people around me grow. As they grew, I noticed how much their progress in life resembled flowers, and how beautiful their success looked to me.

Each time that I spoke with someone who was doing well for themselves, I felt overwhelmed with joy. To see people work diligently towards a goal, and try their hardest to make their dreams come true makes me feel warm inside. This warmth that I feel is genuine happiness to see other people in my life aspire to be great, and do what’s necessary to achieve greatness.

Often times people go through life with the “crabs in a barrel” mindset. For those of you who may not be familiar with this phrase, it basically means that people will try to  hinder the success of others attempting to get ahead, in order to better themselves, or if they aren’t talented enough to attain the same goals as others. If this definition doesn’t resonate with you think of a time where you visited the seafood section of a grocery store. Do you remember seeing the live crabs in a wooden barrel that is left open for customers to pick and choose form? Have you ever noticed how the crabs climb and step all over each other in attempt to get to the top of the barrel and get out. If so, then you have a visual representation of what  this mindset actually means. In retrospect,this mindset is in no way shape or form a part of my personal values or beliefs. In all actuality, I’ve always wanted to help people around me as much as I can. I believe that we as people should help others, just as we were helped into the positions that we are all currently in. I believe it’s only right to keep the trend going.

In retrospect, as I look back on my life I can see how much people in my life have helped me to get to the position that I am currently in. Now that I have a platform or a position where I can help others, I would like to introduce you to a young man named Christopher Jordan Livingston. Chris J as he likes to be called is a 14 year old young man, who is a wordsmith, or as many people say today, an aspiring rapper. He uses his passion for music, along with his words and his voice to personify his experience and create art. I see him as a visionary, just like how people in my past saw me as a visionary. So I have decided to share his art with you through this soundcloud link, with hopes that I can help him get closer to his dream just like how so many people have helped me.

When I was a seed I had people who gave me the proper nutrients such as water, support and food for the soul so that I could be successful.  Now that I have blossomed into a flower I can help someone else do the same. We are all seeds that require different nutrients to grow. However, the main nutrient that we all need to grow and blossom into flowers is support. So my goal is to support others just like I have been supported, and how people close to me continue to support me. In doing so I hope to aid someone on their path of success so they can in turn help someone else and keep the cycle of success going. In the past I’ve heard the saying “Hate Begets Hate”, and I’ve seen how hate can turn a person with promise bitter. So, I put positivity out into the world so that my positivity can beget more positivity and the people around me can grow, and blossom into whatever they want to be.

I know that life can difficult at times but having positive people in your life can drastically change your outlook on life. Now that I have told you about the way that I hope to help others achieve their goal, can you tell me about a time when you were helped or when you helped someone be great?

More Life

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April is almost like an early holiday season for me and my family. It is a month of birthdays galore! I wanted to use this post as an opportunity to acknowledge a handful of my family members who have birthdays this month and wish them many many more blessed, happy and fulfilling years of life!
Like Drake says “MORE LIFE”!

girl excited at her birthday party

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

First on the list! I talk about my mom so much you all probably thought she made me on her own. Well plot twist, she did not make me on her own, lol, I have a father whom I love and adore very much and His name is George.

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

man

Photos of my Dad

I always joke and say it’s the guy in those pictures up there that bamboozled my mom into having all these kids lol. My father has got to be THE FUNNIEST man I know. He’s also super annoying. As soon as he walks in the house, the volume goes from 0 to 100 real quick.

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

Sometimes I even run and hide in my room so I wouldn’t have to hear his rants lol; but I wouldn’t have it any other way. My father looks out for me like no one else. He may go on and on about how I “need to be more responsible” or how I’m “not a kid anymore” and he shouldn’t “have to do all these things” but he does it because I’m ALWAYS gonna be his “kid”. They say fathers always have a weak spot for their daughters but he shows the same love to my brothers as he does for me and my sister. He shows us love in his own “tough” way and is always giving us the best advice and using his own past experience and life lessons to help us avoid the same mistakes. Of course we don’t want to hear it at the time, but he is always on point. He’s smelled some of the “clowns” I’ve called boyfriends from miles away lol. So Mr. Francis, happy birthday! I love you and I hope you see many more years. Enough to walk me down the aisle, enough to meet and be a part of my future children’s lives, and enough to get on my nerves for however long you feel. But just remember, if you get on my nerves too much, it’s straight to the nursing home for you,lol.

P.S I’m not just saying all this to butter you up for a nicer car I swear.

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

Next up, this one is a big one. The oh so Sweet 16. My second niece, Nia.

two photos

Photos of my Niece

I look at the person in the picture on the right and can’t believe she was once the picture on the left. Now she’s 16 and has her own independent personality, even rude of course. Her and my first niece, Anaya, are only a few months apart and I remember Nia being in the walker and my older niece would bite her fingers when no one was watching. Kids are so mean, lol! She would be crying randomly and we just couldn’t figure it out. We eventually realized what was going on but there was one day that Nia bit Anaya back. It was then that we knew that now the tables had turned and she was getting ready to be her own force. They still go head to head just the same and it’s a hot mess. She is one of the people that I want the best for and want to see succeed in this world full of a mixture of adversity and opportunity. Happy birthday to my niece Nia!

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

Then there’s my favorite little person, My 3rd niece, Sanaa.

two photos

Photos of my niece

This little girl has been here before I swear. She’s so smart and sassy, and literally a ball of love. We have new nicknames for each other every day and she can change your mood to a happy one in 2.5 seconds like it’s her superpower. She looks up to me and I take that to the highest degree. I want to show her that she can be whatever she wants, do whatever she wants, and that happiness should always be the motivation. Not only do I support her, but she supports me. She’s always offering to help, always asking how I am, what I’m up to; grown people can take a page or two from her book. She also just might be the funniest person in this family lol, love her.

Happy Birthday “Bunny”! The most spectacular thing about me writing this to her is that she is turning 7 next week and she reads my blogs on her own. Yes, that’s what I said. With the exception of a few harder big words, she reads these posts on her own!

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

Lastly there’s Akeem, my friend of over 12 years, Sanaa’s godfather (the “frick” to her “frack”), and someone that I definitely love to hate lol.

woman with frustrated expression

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

man sitting with young girl on couch looking at laptops

Photo of my niece and friend Akeem

I already told him that at my graduation he has to wear a t-shirt with my picture that says “Nefertiti is the smartest person I know”. He’s one of those people who pushes my buttons on purpose, so you know what, I do the same back. I also think he’s at the top of the list of competition for my niece’s love lol. It’s always something with him lol. He says he doesn’t eat meat, but begged my mother for some of her Chic-Fil-A the other day. I told him I don’t do hair anymore, he’s always asking me to braid his. Do you see where I’m going with this? Just ANNOYING lol. All jokes aside though, he is someone I can always count, and call on, and I will always appreciate that about him.
From being my friend, he’s become my family, and despite any ups and downs we will always be there for each other. Happy Birthday!

Some say life is short, I personally like to think life is long, and birthdays are anniversaries. Even if it’s not someone’s birthday, to be able to have another day with them is a blessing. Be sure to tell those you love that you love and appreciate them all the time. As people get older, one day you may not have the luxury of to telling them these things face to face.

Give your loved ones their flowers while they can still smell them. 🙂

P.S Happy Birthday also to my Aunt Michelle, my great niece Athena, my Aunt Jennifer, and my late Uncle Darrin. Love you all.

Learning to Say No to Good Things

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“During the first eighteen years of our lives, if we grew up in fairly average, reasonably positive homes, we were told ‘No’ or what we could not do, or what would not work, more than 148,000 times,” Dr. Shad Helmstetter states in his book, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself.  

If this is true, I figure saying no is not that hard for most people. However, I have said my fair share of no’s to myself, friends and family, but I realize that in certain cases, it’s quite challenging to say it. I don’t mean that I’m a pushover or susceptible to peer pressure, even though I will admit that sometimes I struggle with desiring to please everyone; what I mean is I have trouble turning down opportunities, even when it is very necessary to turn them down. 

Rapper Lil Jon and a caption that reads "turn down for what?"

from QuickMeme

I’ve had a terrible habit of biting off more than I can chew, grabbing at nearly every positive opportunity that has come my way. My reasoning is this: my school and home life combined are very stressful, and I get tired of having to do what I don’t really want to do. In order to counteract the negative, I go to the other extreme and jam-pack my schedule with positive. I engage in events that I know will benefit me, even if the benefit is simply a good mood.

The problem is that this behavior has often compromised my other responsibilities. A lot of times I’ve had lunch with good friends when I could have been doing homework, or I’ve gone to a social gathering on a night that could have been spent relaxing and reflecting alone at home. After all, who wants to do homework? And who wants to be alone?

It’s very hard to say no to good things, because, let’s face it: they’re good things! Sadly, there is such a thing as too much good. My friend Cassandra loves to use this analogy: cancer in the simplest sense is an abnormal reproduction of cells. Cellular reproduction is necessary for our survival, but when there are too many cells, it can be harmful.

While I have been aware of all of this for quite some time, last week was the breaking point that forced me to stop thinking it and start doing it. Having a super busy schedule that did not account for legitimate, intentional rest (aside from sleep) meant that the little time I had leftover was spent with Angel, and my “leftovers” are not pretty at all; I was burned out, could barely muster up a smile, and at any given moment I was ready to either break something, scream, or burst into tears (the most common, less violent option) from sheer exhaustion and overwhelming stress. I realized that I could not keep treating him, or myself, like this.

Practicing saying no will not be easy, but I know it will pay off in the long run, and that I must start now if I want my situation to change as soon as possible. I believe setting boundaries is the only way you can enjoy and protect true freedom. It will require the guts to temporarily disappoint friends, family, Angel, and myself; but delayed gratification is more worthwhile and long-lasting than instant gratification. My future self will thank me.

Life After Undergrad: How I overcame my fear of public speaking

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In 2008, my very first college class was at 8am, on a Monday, and my commute was an hour and a half long. That class by the way, was public speaking 101. On the first day of class the professor handed us the list of assignments and dates they were due and there were at least 6 or 7 instances where I’d have to get up and speak to the class. I loathed public speaking and to make it worse, I’d found out I was pregnant a week into the semester. So now not only did I have to get up in front of the room and give a speech now I’d be doing it while pregnant.

I considered dropping the class but by the time I mulled over that choice it was too late to do it. So, instead I opted for trying to get the professor to excuse me– which he didn’t. He told me the whole point of this class was to break students out of their fear of public speaking and at the same time make us self advocates. At the time I was totally over it and wanted no parts, I figured I could do the bare minimum to pass and never look back. What I didn’t know though, was that the skills I took away from that class would serve me for years to come.

When I became a mother I also became an advocate for Ava. Seeing as she was a baby and couldn’t speak everything she needed came from me. At doctors appointments, in school and anywhere else she went I had to speak up and make sure her needs were met. Part of my being able to do that was learning valuable communication skills and not only did these skills serve Ava; they served me too.

When my transcript got sent to the wrong school I had to speak up and get it fixed, when my credits were applied incorrectly I had to speak up and get it fixed and most of all when I felt I was done wrong or disrespected, I had to speak up and get it fixed.

All of these instances would be much tougher had I not learned how to communicate. When I got to City Tech I quickly found my major meant a lot of communicating and a lot of self advocacy. I became regarded for my communication skills in and out of the classroom, which led to multiple opportunities to work on campus. Overall now that I look back that public speaking class was probably the best thing I ever did for myself– even if it was at 8am (LOL). My takeaway here is, challenge yourself, be a little uncomfortable but most of all be a better you!

Symposium

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Barreto_01

 

We’re trying a little something new this week! Please excuse the unfortunate thumbnail… 

 

Our society’s image of Science, Technology, Engineering and Math fall towards men. The Draw-A-Scientist Test shows that young elementary school children see scientists as solely men in lab coats creating monsters and explosions. As a woman in STEM, the issue of women’s underrepresentation and partition in any of these fields is disheartening. Over the weekend, I was able to attend the Scientista Symposium, which helped expand my view on women in the STEM fields. 

 

 

For more information on the Scientista Foundation, click here.

I was able to attend the event thanks to the generosity and support of Professor Melanie Villatoro and Perkins Peer Advisement. 

Stop by if you need any help! (I have a solid hold on statics, my fellow CMCE students, so come through!)

 

 

… and I, will always love you

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the love sculpture from the right corner

On 55th Street lies an artistic icon. Some take photos or selfies with it, others climb it, and dogs curiously sniff it, discovering all types of residual scents from the sculpture’s surrounding. Its massive body has graced New York City for over four decades and the phenomenon seemed to take over the world. If you have ever walked Sixth Avenue or are very familiar with the area, you probably already know what art piece I’m describing… the LOVE Sculpture.

a front view of the love sculpture

I grew up with this signage of the word “love”; it was like an anonymous signature. I had no idea who created it or that it was even an expression of art. My young mind conveyed it as a simple font like the ones I saw on my computer screen, the one for the infamous TIME magazine, or the types that I saw off of billboards and labels. Little did I know just how poetic each letter is. How loved it was by popular reception. Or how misunderstood, despised, bastardized, plagiarized, and ultimately ambiguous it soon became. Natural selections took its course, to the point where its origin became unknown to the following generations. But the LOVE sculpture/painting/print was curated by a famously unfamous “pop” artist, Robert Indiana.

the love sculpture from the left corner

According to Mental Floss, Robert Indiana was born Robert Clark on September 13, 1928 in New Castle, Indiana. He was a child of the silent generation and witnessed the struggles of the Great Depression. His father lost his job and the family was much akin to gypsies, going from living in Indiana to a variety of other locations. The family moved over twenty times partly due to the recession and his mother’s inability to stay in the same place for too long. Clark once described his childhood as the family car being  “… more stable than home itself”. The factors put a strain on the family and Clark’s parents divorced in the 1940’s. Clark lived with his father and was able attend high school. Clark then joined the U.S. Army Air Corp in cooperation with the GI Bill in order to pay for his education. He attended the School of the Art Institute of Chicago from 1949-1953 and then studied at the University of Edinburgh in Scotland from 1953-1954.

a view of the love sculpture from behind

After college he moved to New York and took a job as a typist at a cathedral and also worked in an art supply store, vying to be discovered and to find his place in the artistic world. He was facing something that still haunts college graduates today… the post-grad slump….

 

To hear the rest of this amazing story, tune in next week to see the second part of the LOVE sculpture and Indiana’s second public installation, the HOPE sculpture.

 

Benefits of Nature pt.2

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Buenos Tardes City Tech! Gen here giving y’all part two on Nature and its benefits! Today’s topic will be based on Stress. As we all know there are many factors that keep us healthy: good bacteria, cells, and most importantly our immune system. But there are many factors that can disturb the body’s natural methods of cleansing: such as stress. It’s nothing new, many people suffer the effects of stress but the issue is when it builds up over years: this is when it can become severely harmful to one’s health.  In an article written by the American Society of Landscape Architects ( ASLA ) it is said that “ High levels of long-term chronic stress can lead to reduced cognitive function, anxiety disorders, and depression.” Chronic stress takes a toll on us, physically. It can lead to  poor sleeping habits and headaches which decreases our immunity. So yes, stress is a bad factor that can disturb our bodies.

Stress has impacted my life in many ways, to the point where it’s caused me countless of sleepless nights leading to insomnia, it’s also a reason why I drink lots of tea.The antioxidants, as I mentioned in previous posts, have the potential to build immunity to our bodies and help us (or even prevent us) from getting sick. From my stress, I’ve learned that nature is a great natural remedy and can lower your anxiety levels, it’s worked for me. According to ASLA:

Numerous studies have shown that access to trees and green spaces calm us and help to alleviate stress. One such study found that trees and green space are a major predictor of longevity, especially among people living of lower-incomes communities.

More broadly, integrating nature into the built environment in the form of parks, trees, or green roofs, can help counter the stressors of urban life. This is supported by a Scandinavian study, which found that office workers with forest views showed greater job satisfaction and lower stress levels than office workers with non-forest views.

There have been many cases and studies proving that nature helps us and it’s no surprise either.Before technology… before secure infrastructures, we, human beings, had caves and the great outdoors; it’s what kept us alive and healthy. So why not try to connect back to your old roots and give it a try??? My recommendation? Look through my previous blogs and see which place suits you best! Lemme know what you think and what places you have in mind. From reading this I definitely know what I’m doing this week. Stay tuned to find out on next week’s blog!

 

Believe In Yourself Like Sisyphus Believes in Himself

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A man pushing a boulder up a hill

Retrieved from The Myth of Sisyphus

“As for this myth, one sees merely the whole effort of a body straining to raise the huge stone, to roll it, and push it up a slope a hundred times over; one sees the face screwed up, the cheek tight against the stone, the shoulder bracing the clay-covered mass, the foot wedging it, the fresh start with arms outstretched, the wholly human security of two earth-clotted hands. At the very end of his long effort measured by skyless space and time without depth, the purpose is achieved. Then Sisyphus watches the stone rush down in a few moments toward the lower world whence he will have to push it up again toward the summit. He goes back down to the plain. It is during that return that pause, that Sisyphus interests me. A face that toils so close to stones is already stone itself! I see that man going back down with a heavy yet measured step toward the torment of which he will never know the end. That hour like a breathing-space which returns as surely as his suffering, that is the hour of consciousness. At each of those moments when he leaves the heights and gradually sinks toward the lairs of the gods, he is superior to his fate. He is stronger than his rock.”                                       

Albert Camus, “The Myth of Sisyphus”

A few years ago I was introduced to the story of Sisyphus, a man who had been cursed by the Gods to roll a boulder up a hill repeatedly, only for the boulder to roll back down once it reached the top of the hill. Sisyphus received this punishment because he used his wit and tactics if deceit to cheat death. His punishment seemed absolutely tedious and although simple sounding very cruel. Can you imagine the struggle he faced daily trying to complete this one task over and over, and then after completing the task having to do it all over again? It may seem like a farfetched idea but in all actuality we are all living the same life as Sisyphus, we just may not be fully conscious of it.

Have you ever heard the saying “Get up and get the ball rolling”,referring to getting out of your morning slumber and preparing for the day? See, every day we repeat the same routine of waking up, getting ready to start our day, going out to complete our daily activities  and then going home to sleep. Then we repeat the same routine the next day. Every day we “get the ball rolling” and then once the day is over we let the ball roll back down the hill so that we can rest and prepare ourselves physically and mentally to complete the same tasks again the next day.

I know that Sisyphus’s plight may seem tedious, but can you see the similarities between his life and ours? Can you see that although his life seems pointless, the only way he could continue to stay active is to keep rolling the boulder up the hill? Imagine if he were to give up. He would not only be showing the Gods that he isn’t strong minded, but he would be losing out on valuable exercise,  become depressed, and he would forget his purpose. Without purpose he would sit around all day, sulking about his life, and give up on himself and his dreams to be released from his punishment. However, by continuing to push himself to keep up with his daily routine, Sisyphus will:

  1.       Learn new, less time consuming and more efficient ways to push the boulder          up the hill.
  2.       Have a purpose.
  3.       Exercise daily which will keep him healthy and help him sleep at night.
  4.       Show the Gods or the people who seek to keep in a stagnant position that he        can overcome any task thrown at him.

Sisyphus believed in himself when he was forced into a position where his life became as whats Lemony Snicket would call “A Series of Unfortunate Events”. He worked hard and pushed himself to do what he needed to do each day regardless of his circumstances. Do you see the message I’m trying to convey in this short analysis of Sisyphus’s life?

What I’m trying to say is that if Sisyphus believed in himself even when the odds were against him, then you should do the same. In life there will be many difficult people, and many different tasks that will try to get you down, much like the boulder. However, you have to be able to channel your inner Sisyphus and push away, and push past all that negative energy that is trying to hold you down.   Forget your insecurities, stop doubting yourself, and know that you are capable of accomplishing anything you put your mind to.

Life is difficult for everyone in one way or another, but the only way to work through your problems is to wake up every day and get the ball rolling. Wake up, work hard, play hard, but most of all believe in yourself. Every so often we get in our own heads, and downplay our promise by not believing in ourselves. Don’t hinder your success by downplaying your ability to be amazing.  Go out each day, live life to the fullest and most of all believe in yourself like Sisyphus continued to believe in himself.

Now that I have talked about Sisyphus, tell me is anything in life weighing you down? What are your personal struggles? How do you manage to keep the ball rolling in your life?

How Do You Treat Yourself?

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I literally counted down until spring break arrived. I’ve actually had my Cancun getaway booked since February!!!

cat typing rapidly on keyboard

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

That’s my thing: traveling.
I try to take a vacation and travel somewhere (not a “stay-cation”) at least three times a year. Sometimes my bank account is like “Girl bye, you tried it!”, lol.

man looking at ATM Machine shocked

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

So yea, lol, three doesn’t always make the cut, but at least two vacations keeps me satisfied. That is how I treat myself. I work hard, I study hard, so I make sure that I play TWICE as hard.

Traveling is more like a “big” treat for me. I do other small (and way less expensive) things for myself too. I LOVE Thai rolled ice cream and I reward myself with it any day that the temperature outside is above 55 degrees, like last friday for example.

photo of ice cream with toppings

Photo taken by Yours Truly at ICE NY !

Also, I love getting facials! It just so happens that my health insurance covers facials at the same place where I get physical therapy, and I make sure to use my benefits!!
None shall go to waste, lol.

cat laying down with cucumber on eyes like a spa

Photo Retrieved from Pinterest

But that’s me. These are things that I personally like to do as part of my self care regimen. It’s not always easy to just pick up and make time for these things, so often we neglect self care. I’m sure you can relate that it can be really easy to lose sight of yourself in the midst of all the things you are doing on a daily basis. Whether that includes work, school, taking care of someone else (child, family member, partner, etc), an internship, personal obligations, socializing, or whatever else. Too often what happens is that it’s not until you get to the “breaking point” that you are then forced to stop and take some time to focus on you.

I just said to my mom the other day that sometimes I feel like I’m just living the same day over and over and over. Do you ever feel like that? You wake up and you go from one place to the next; school then work-or vice versa. Then when you actually get home, neither of these things are actually in your rear view because you’re doing homework, or thinking about your next work shift. Then the next day comes and you repeat the same cycle.

Even if you aren’t working a job, I’m sure you have things other than school that take up your time on a daily basis. So my question to you is how do you treat yourself? I mean that in literal terms like “do you treat yourself well?”, and also “treat yourself” as in reward yourself.

So the literal terms- that’s things like do you get enough sleep? Do you eat properly and regularly? There was a point where I would be “so busy” I would forget to eat the entire day and when I got home, I would have the absolute worst headache. I would moan and groan about how I think it’s because I didn’t eat. DUH it is! That’s like driving around all day ignoring the gas light in your car, and then complaining when you break down in the middle of nowhere.

man reacting to car gas tank being empty

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

When was the last time you checked your “tank” and made sure you were all filled up and good to go? The last person we should be ignoring is ourselves.
Do you put aside enough time for yourself with no outside distractions?

Ask yourself this one question: Am I treating myself the best I could?
If the answer is yes, congratulations!
It’s not the easiest thing to do so I commend you 100% for putting you first. 🙂
If the answer is “no”, or you’re unsure, then today is the day to start to think about what you can do to treat yourself better.  

As students, “I don’t have time” is a common excuse we have when it comes to self-care.

woman stating she is busy during red carpet interview

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

I know I preach a lot about self care, but that’s because every day on campus I see too many of my peers looking worn out–probably from hours of staring at textbooks, working on papers, and trying to meet rapidly approaching deadlines. As our responsibilities pile up, it’s easy to allow our own health and sanity to take a backseat to feelings of restlessness. Sooner or later, the effects of excessive stress remind us that our personal well-being should never be overlooked, whether we ask for the reminder or not.

cat with hair sticking up looking stressed and angry

Photo Retrieved from Me.Me

Suggestions of ways to treat yourself/ care for yourself is different for everyone. Your friend’s self-care routine might include a 7 a.m. run or gym visit every morning, but for you, just thinking about doing anything at 7 a.m. might make you even more stressed out than you already are, lol. I get stressed every night when I remember I have an 8:30 class and I swear the whole semester goes by and I never get used to it! In that situation, maybe a short walk on afternoons or evenings would work better for you. The thing is self-care isn’t about what anybody else is doing; It’s about what your mind, body and spirit are telling you that they need.

I want you to take this Self Care Assessment that we in Human Services use with our clients. With it we are able to get a better idea of how well a client is treating themselves and the things that bring them pleasure or happiness. We also use it ourselves to assess our own state. The assessment states that it “provides an overview of effective strategies to maintain self-care.” As the directions on the assessment says: “after completing the full assessment, choose one item from each area that you will actively work to improve. This will at least give you an idea on where to begin and you can brainstorm idea on how you plan to improve your self care in that area.”  Taking this test is a big step to changing or improving how you treat yourself because awareness is always step one. I’m excited for you!

We have to take care of ourselves along with taking care of our responsibilities. Self-care is not always the easiest thing to implement and be consistent with, especially while striving for success during your academic undergrad journey. I’m definitely still learning to nurture, and take care of myself while gaining a satisfactory level of student-work-life balance. It’s difficult at times, especially during midterms, and finals, and hectic times at work-but I know how important it is.

Like the well known quote says “If you don’t love yourself, who will?”; It’s the little pleasures that get us through our everyday grind. Lunch from our favorite place, sweets and treats to seal a long day, getting your eyebrows done, or kicking back and watching the game. Don’t wait for your next day off, or your next planned vacation. Remind yourself that you deserve to live a satisfying life and enjoy yourself on a regular basis by doing little things that make you happy. What things from the assessment did you score lower on and would like to improve? What are you doing really well? Tell me about it below.

 

Love ya, Neffi

quote photo

Photo Retrieved from HerCampus

 

What Do You Mean?

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By Robine Jean-Pierre

a colorful abstract painting

“Composition VII” by Wassily Kandinsky. 1913. Oil on canvas. 78.7 × 118.1″ (200.0 × 300.0 cm). Moscow, Russia. The State Tretyakov Gallery.

You see an abstract painting on the wall in a museum. The seemingly random assortment of swirls, shapes and colors leaves you puzzled and intrigued. One onlooker says it reminds her of a sinking ship. Another comes along and says it must be a garden. A small inscription on the wall indicates that the painter wanted to illustrate a busy city street. Who is right?

I like to think that every form of communication consists of at least two aspects: intention (what the speaker wants to convey) and reception (how the listener interprets it). I use speaker and listener as general terms, but the pair could also be artist and viewer, author and reader, etc. In an ideal world, intention and reception would always be equal; the speaker would give a message, and the listener would understand exactly what the speaker meant. However, very rarely does it work this way in the real world. Too often, the speaker says one thing but the listener takes it to mean something completely different. It is like a constant tug of war between the two aspects; sometimes intention holds more weight, and other times reception is more significant.

Intention Matters

I believe there are times when what the speaker has to say is way more important than anyone’s interpretation. For example, art can very subjective because of its connection to the emotions, and its ability to disguise meaning in symbols and metaphors. However, art can also be very concrete. A sculpture of a fruit basket can simply be a representation of a fruit basket. An engraving of a monarch created during his reign can have very specific references, styles, or symbols pertaining to that particular time period, nation, etc. Many of these references would be meaningless without the proper context.

For another example, take one of William Shakespeare’s works. Many of the words he used have very different meanings today; the “nothing” in his comedy titled Much Ado About Nothing was, among several meanings, slang for “lady parts” (see “Double Entendre & Innuendo in Much Ado About Nothing” on Study.com for more). What use would it be for today’s readers to read his works and give them blind modern interpretations? Without context, we would never get at what he was really saying and we would miss out on the genius behind much of his work.

Reception Matters

On the flip side, there are also times when the way a message is taken by the receiver can take precedence over what the sender meant. This is the case especially when it comes to social interactions. Our ideas of what is proper, preferred, or offensive are heavily dictated by our culture and personal experiences. Since this varies from person to person, it can be very easy for misinterpretations to arise.

Let’s say Jack often tells Jill, “You’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met,” and Jill takes it to mean, “I have feelings for you.” Jill might get excited at the thought of Jack wanting to be romantically involved; or, she might get offended that Jack appears to be hitting on her when she’s already in a committed relationship. Jack’s intentions may have simply been to be kind to Jill, but he did not consider that, for Jill, receiving frequent compliments from a guy must mean he’s interested in her.

In situations like these, “good intentions” are not necessarily enough. The listener has the right to present her interpretation to the speaker, even if she was totally off the mark. The speaker could then reevaluate what he said and consider taking some responsibility, even if he “didn’t mean it like that,” in order to restore peace or clear the air. Sure, there are people out there who are hypersensitive and get offended too easily, no matter how careful you are in expressing yourself. Nonetheless, it’s usually safer to address people with an attitude that says “if one of us was wrong, it was probably me; how can I fix this?”

I believe that the key to making sure intention and reception agree with one another is to get feedback. Switch up listener and speaker roles often; if they are constant, then you may have to ask yourself, “Is this a dialogue or a monologue? Are we having a conversation, or  a lecture?” After someone has said something to you, there is nothing wrong with replying, “So what you’re basically saying is…?” and reiterating what you believe the message was. Another option is to ask your listener, “So what do you think of what I just said? Does it make sense? How do you feel about it?” Think of all the arguments, misunderstandings, and mistakes that could be prevented if we just took the extra time to get and give feedback.

Have you ever said something that someone took the wrong way, or vice versa? How was the misunderstanding resolved? What are some ways you practice giving or getting feedback?