How Do You Treat Yourself?

I literally counted down until spring break arrived. I’ve actually had my Cancun getaway booked since February!!!

cat typing rapidly on keyboard

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

That’s my thing: traveling.
I try to take a vacation and travel somewhere (not a “stay-cation”) at least three times a year. Sometimes my bank account is like “Girl bye, you tried it!”, lol.

man looking at ATM Machine shocked

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

So yea, lol, three doesn’t always make the cut, but at least two vacations keeps me satisfied. That is how I treat myself. I work hard, I study hard, so I make sure that I play TWICE as hard.

Traveling is more like a “big” treat for me. I do other small (and way less expensive) things for myself too. I LOVE Thai rolled ice cream and I reward myself with it any day that the temperature outside is above 55 degrees, like last friday for example.

photo of ice cream with toppings

Photo taken by Yours Truly at ICE NY !

Also, I love getting facials! It just so happens that my health insurance covers facials at the same place where I get physical therapy, and I make sure to use my benefits!!
None shall go to waste, lol.

cat laying down with cucumber on eyes like a spa

Photo Retrieved from Pinterest

But that’s me. These are things that I personally like to do as part of my self care regimen. It’s not always easy to just pick up and make time for these things, so often we neglect self care. I’m sure you can relate that it can be really easy to lose sight of yourself in the midst of all the things you are doing on a daily basis. Whether that includes work, school, taking care of someone else (child, family member, partner, etc), an internship, personal obligations, socializing, or whatever else. Too often what happens is that it’s not until you get to the “breaking point” that you are then forced to stop and take some time to focus on you.

I just said to my mom the other day that sometimes I feel like I’m just living the same day over and over and over. Do you ever feel like that? You wake up and you go from one place to the next; school then work-or vice versa. Then when you actually get home, neither of these things are actually in your rear view because you’re doing homework, or thinking about your next work shift. Then the next day comes and you repeat the same cycle.

Even if you aren’t working a job, I’m sure you have things other than school that take up your time on a daily basis. So my question to you is how do you treat yourself? I mean that in literal terms like “do you treat yourself well?”, and also “treat yourself” as in reward yourself.

So the literal terms- that’s things like do you get enough sleep? Do you eat properly and regularly? There was a point where I would be “so busy” I would forget to eat the entire day and when I got home, I would have the absolute worst headache. I would moan and groan about how I think it’s because I didn’t eat. DUH it is! That’s like driving around all day ignoring the gas light in your car, and then complaining when you break down in the middle of nowhere.

man reacting to car gas tank being empty

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

When was the last time you checked your “tank” and made sure you were all filled up and good to go? The last person we should be ignoring is ourselves.
Do you put aside enough time for yourself with no outside distractions?

Ask yourself this one question: Am I treating myself the best I could?
If the answer is yes, congratulations!
It’s not the easiest thing to do so I commend you 100% for putting
you first. 🙂
If the answer is “no”, or you’re unsure, then today is the day to start to think about what you can do to treat yourself better.  

As students, “I don’t have time” is a common excuse we have when it comes to self-care.

woman stating she is busy during red carpet interview

GIF Retrieved from GIPHY

I know I preach a lot about self care, but that’s because every day on campus I see too many of my peers looking worn out–probably from hours of staring at textbooks, working on papers, and trying to meet rapidly approaching deadlines. As our responsibilities pile up, it’s easy to allow our own health and sanity to take a backseat to feelings of restlessness. Sooner or later, the effects of excessive stress remind us that our personal well-being should never be overlooked, whether we ask for the reminder or not.

cat with hair sticking up looking stressed and angry

Photo Retrieved from Me.Me

Suggestions of ways to treat yourself/ care for yourself is different for everyone. Your friend’s self-care routine might include a 7 a.m. run or gym visit every morning, but for you, just thinking about doing anything at 7 a.m. might make you even more stressed out than you already are, lol. I get stressed every night when I remember I have an 8:30 class and I swear the whole semester goes by and I never get used to it! In that situation, maybe a short walk on afternoons or evenings would work better for you. The thing is self-care isn’t about what anybody else is doing; It’s about what your mind, body and spirit are telling you that they need.

I want you to take this Self Care Assessment that we in Human Services use with our clients. With it we are able to get a better idea of how well a client is treating themselves and the things that bring them pleasure or happiness. We also use it ourselves to assess our own state. The assessment states that it “provides an overview of effective strategies to maintain self-care.” As the directions on the assessment says: “after completing the full assessment, choose one item from each area that you will actively work to improve. This will at least give you an idea on where to begin and you can brainstorm idea on how you plan to improve your self care in that area.”  Taking this test is a big step to changing or improving how you treat yourself because awareness is always step one. I’m excited for you!

We have to take care of ourselves along with taking care of our responsibilities. Self-care is not always the easiest thing to implement and be consistent with, especially while striving for success during your academic undergrad journey. I’m definitely still learning to nurture, and take care of myself while gaining a satisfactory level of student-work-life balance. It’s difficult at times, especially during midterms, and finals, and hectic times at work-but I know how important it is.

Like the well known quote says “If you don’t love yourself, who will?”; It’s the little pleasures that get us through our everyday grind. Lunch from our favorite place, sweets and treats to seal a long day, getting your eyebrows done, or kicking back and watching the game. Don’t wait for your next day off, or your next planned vacation. Remind yourself that you deserve to live a satisfying life and enjoy yourself on a regular basis by doing little things that make you happy. What things from the assessment did you score lower on and would like to improve? What are you doing really well? Tell me about it below.

 

Love ya, Neffi

quote photo

Photo Retrieved from HerCampus

 

Mask On

picture obtained from mindfuldragon.com

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane in your life I’m sure you have heard the following words:

“If the cabin air pressure changes dramatically, oxygen masks might fall from the ceiling directly in front of you. Follow the airline’s instructions in operating their masks. If a child is seated beside you, put on your own mask before helping to put a mask on the child.”

It is standard protocol that flight attendants recite these safety instructions to all passengers before takeoff. There’s a reason why. Your job, first and foremost, is to help yourself and take care of your own needs. Hence why the flight attendants encourage you to secure your oxygen mask first. When you ensure your own safety, you have a better chance of saving others: your family member, your child/children, the other people you’re traveling with, or another passenger. If you try to put the mask on someone else first, chances are you’re going to pass out  before you can even get their mask on them. You and the person you want to help have both lost.

The moral here is: You have to make sure you are taken care of first, and THEN you can effectively help others.

obtained from horizonmagazine.com

Whether it’s in your line of work, with family, friends, or anything else, we sometimes find ourselves giving and giving, and helping and sacrificing for others until we’re drained with nothing left. As someone who works in the nonprofit sector and is currently a Human Services major, I know how demanding it is to dedicate your life and career to helping others, and I take pride in it. We all have a common goal of ultimately wanting to make a difference in the lives of others. This doesn’t just apply to someone in nonprofit, I think it’s true for most people. Many want to make a difference in the lives of their friends and families, or in their community. Striving to do so, it’s easy to become overwhelmed with the expectations and responsibilities that may carry.

Have you ever found yourself realizing you’ve committed to too many things but not wanting to drop any and disappointment someone, so you just let it kill you?
Have you ever stayed late at work because your boss asked, but you really needed to be resting?
Have you ever said yes to something or someone you didn’t have time for because it was your friend or family member?
Do you see where I’m going with these questions???

If any of this sounds familiar to you, or brings up your own scenario, you probably consider yourself to be selfless, giving, and helpful. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I wish all of humanity possessed these traits, but self care has to be your priority.
As indulgent as the phrase “self care” may sound, it starts with just a few basic habits that are crucial to your functioning. Making sure you get enough sleep, making sure you take time every day to dedicate to yourself; reading a book, taking a nice long bath. Those are some of the many basic things you can do to elevate your mindset, and mental and physical health.

Sometimes taking care of yourself often begins with saying “no” to others, and “yes” to yourself. That can sometimes invoke feelings of guilt because you’ve had to turn down helping or doing something for someone so you can enjoy that much needed nap;
but don’t apologize for making yourself a priority!
A better me, is a better me for me AND you!
You have to be a little selfish at times to be completely unselfish when it counts.

As a woman, I relate to naturally being expected to be a nurturer, a giver, selfless. This school of thought of woman expectancies and our “role” has been passed down through generations. We see our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and neighbors take care of their family, friends and significant others, and plop down tired at the end of the day. Who takes care of them?? We see them constantly putting themselves last and everyone else first. We watch them end up putting their health and well being onto the back burner to please others, and we tend to end up in that cycle ourselves. That doesn’t truly help you and in the long run it has its consequences. I’ve learned from my experience (and theirs) that helping others is almost impossible to achieve if you are going through turbulence in your own life.

When you’re in an angry space, the last thing you want to do is put on a smile for others.

When you’re in a negative mindset, you’re unable to make a positive impact on others because you are consumed by your own issues.

When you’re unhappy, you don’t have the will to try to make someone else’s day, or hear about someone else’s problems, because you’ve got your own problems to worry about.

When you’re TIRED, what energy do you have to put into someone else?? You aren’t doing anyone any favors by not showing up for them fully because you’re exhausted.

You are absolutely useless to anyone else if you are depleted and gasping for the time and energy you’ve completely given away before you’ve met your own needs.
What can be poured out of an empty cup? Nothing.
What happens to a battery you never charge? It doesn’t work!
You will get to the point where taking care of others will consciously, or unconsciously, feel like a huge burden if you aren’t taking care of yourself as well, and will eventually lead to resentment. This isn’t good for anyone and this is what harms relationships.

I am a “me time” cheerleader. I always put myself first because when I am full of energy and happy, it spews out to everyone around me; at work, at home, wherever. When I’m walking around with a smile, I’m brightening people’s day, and I’m present and able to help and be my best self. I’ve also realized that on the other hand, when I am doing too much, I end up complaining about all those things and blaming them, when I should be looking at myself. Self care isn’t just important, it’s crucial. It’s the number one driving force of all around healthy living.

Self care is the best care. Put your own oxygen mask on, then you can assist others. THEN you can be fruitful at work without over exerting and burning out.
THEN you can do favors for your friends and loved ones without regretting that you agreed to do it.
THEN you can continue to make your positive impact.
It has to be done in that order or you will end up burned out with no energy left for yourself.

Everyone I know, myself included, can do with a little bit more self care and self love. Where do you begin? That’s a question a lot of people have because they assume self care means go out and shop, or take a day off work for a spa day. Those are great (seriously!) but it can be much simpler. You might know exactly what it is you need to do for you that you have been neglecting. If not, or you just need motivation, I want to share these two posts that really highlight the importance of self care and the simple ways you can start to show yourself more attention. I hope they inspire you to take care/ better care of yourselves so you can live your best life and in turn inspire and be better for those around you.

50 ways to Practice Self Care
Help Yourself Before Helping the World

obtained from i.ytimg.com

P.S I watched a video last week of an interview on the Humans of NY facebook series. It is an older woman proclaiming how much she loves herself first, and then she loves you second, and I said “who found this video of me in the future??!” Lol. Her words really spoke to me because it is exactly what I believe when it comes to self care and putting myself first. Check her out, seniors are the precious gems in this world, they carry all the wisdom 🙂 Video