“You is Kind. You is Smart. You is Important.” Affirmations 101

Posted on October 17, 2017 by Neffi

You is Kind. You is smart. You is Important.

In class last week my professor reminded us that we are now approaching the halfway point of the semester. Excuse me??? As someone who re-entered school last semester after 5 years, I honestly still get amazed at how fast it flies by! These past two weeks I’ve been one paper or presentation, (or blog post lol) away from yanking out a few hairs, I swear. It’s been this cycle of work, school, homework, meet with my group, argue with my group lol, have a life, work harder, school, repeat. Weekends have become GOLDEN, but yet I spent all of mine studying for a midterm that I thought was yesterday and it wasn’t! Delusional much?? Lol. I had forgotten how intense and stressful this time can be if you let it, and as I looked at my peers faces in our
“MTA packed train” style elevator, I could tell I wasn’t the only one. I like to think I can handle pressure pretty well and make sure I always have my game face on, but me needing Tylenol in the middle of class says otherwise lol.

First of all I want to applaud us all for making it to the “halfway finished” line. Whether you think you’ve been floating, sinking, or swimming, you’re here and that’s what matters. Secondly, it honestly doesn’t have to be stressful; it’s only as stressful as we allow it to be. It’s super important that through all this stress of midterms, and priorities, or whatever else we have going on in our personal lives, we stop.

Stop and take a second to look up at the sky, take time to talk and listen to people, sit and eat a REAL meal with a friend or family member and don’t start complaining about how school is killing you.

Photo Credit: fullcupthirstyspirit.com

(Sidenote: If I were you I would screen shot this bad boy right here^^^ good stuff 🙂 )

I want to share with you this one simple thing that has been keeping me motivated and grounded. Daily affirmations. An affirmation is basically a statement of support or encouragement that you tell to yourself. It is defined by Dictionary.com as “emotional support or encouragement”. You know how right before you start a test, or approach something new, and you’re hyping yourself up, telling yourself “ you got this” or
“you can do this” ?? That’s an affirmation right there.
A resource I’ve been using for a nice variety of creative affirmations is a FREE app called “Unique Daily Affirmations.” It’s an app that sends you out a daily positive affirmation to basically “help you succeed in your endeavors and make positive changes in your life.”

There’s tremendous power in affirmations. They are you being in conscious control of your thoughts. They are short, powerful statements and when you say them, think them, or even hear them, they become the thoughts that create your reality.
Research has shown that we have about 35,000 thoughts a day,
more or less (Leading Edge Journal).
Imagine the impact on your life if most of those are negative. It gets worse. Our thoughts carry over, so whatever you are thinking about, gets carried over to the next day’s 35,000 thoughts. So, if you’re thinking majority negative thoughts, you will only cause yourself to think more negative thoughts, if that makes sense. It takes you back to what your parents and friends and other people may have told you like “ be careful what you wish for” or “What you think is what you get”.
Now, imagine if most of those thoughts were positive, motivating, uplifting and
self building??
Aha, there’s the magic.

Photo Credit: The HoodWitch

My affirmation for today was”:

“I will succeed because I am focused and passionate about my goal.”

Shoot, I only said it once and I believed it!

You can set the app to alert you at any time of the day you choose. My affirmation releases at 12 midnight every night. So whether I’m writing a paper at that time, preparing for the next day, or I even just end up waking up to it, it always comes right when I need it. We all need that extra push here and there. That extra “you are confident and can do whatever you set your mind to boo” and it’s exactly what I love this app for and think you will love it for too.

The app is available for Apple and android users.

If you’re not into apps or you just prefer the old school black and white press, here are some websites that simply list affirmations that you can peel through and find your own gems.
https://www.prolificliving.com/100-positive-affirmations/
http://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/
http://dailyburn.com/life/lifestyle/instagram-positive-affirmations/

Print a few and in the morning randomly select one. Let your heart guide you to the words you need. That’s one way to be blessed by them. Or you can simply search for the one that connects with you.

Remember, The key is repetition so you want to flood your brain with the positive thoughts. Say it over and over throughout the day. When you feel yourself slipping, when you’re washing your hands in the bathroom mirror, when you’re taking a selfie. The way you choose to think is just that, a choice; and the beauty is that choice is yours!

So no, unfortunately I didn’t give you the “abracadabra” to make midterms and homework or stress in general go away, I simply gave you the “push through, you’ll be fine, you got this”.

Your life may not turn around overnight, but if you’re consistent and make the choice on a daily basis to think thoughts that make you feel good and affirm yourself, (because face it who can love you better than you???) you’ll definitely make positive changes in every area of your life.

Remember who put you on, Love ya!

Photo Credit: Politico.com

Five Expressions in Haitian Creole That You Could Pull Off in English

Posted on October 16, 2017 by Robine J

by Robine Jean-Pierre

A linguist at heart, I cringe whenever I come across poorly translated phrases. While I am not fully fluent in all of them, I am familiar with Haitian Creole, French and Spanish, so I often find instances in which the fluidity, wit or meaning of a phrase gets lost when going from one language to another. It is also disappointing to hear a bi- or polylingual person trying to grasp for a term in their native tongue, saying, “It’s like… you know… well, I don’t know how you’d say it in English.” The feeling of exclusion that this provokes leaves me unsatisfied, and I believe that the language barrier can always be crossed, even when it comes to complex things like metaphors and idioms. The key is to translate for the meaning or essence of a word or phrase, even if at the expense of the actual words being used.

Haitian Creole is full of colorful, comical idioms, and I have often entertained myself by undertaking the task of finding their English equivalents. As I said, this is only effective if you go by meaning and not translation verbatim. I will give five examples (though I cannot guarantee I’ve spelled them all correctly).

1. Lè Ti Poul Fè Dan

The expression, “lè ti poul fè dan” in Creole literally means “when chicks teethe.” It is an informal way of responding “Never” to a question, since we know that chicks have beaks and will never grow teeth. If you said this in English, word for word, you would probably get a strange look from the person who asked the question, but never fear, we have the similar English expression, “When pigs fly.”

2. Mete Dlo Nan Diven Ou

“Mete dlo nan diven ou” is an expression that literally means “put [some] water in your wine.” This is a figurative way of telling someone to calm down; parents would say this to children that are acting up. It makes sense when you think of wine as something fiery and provocative, and that watering it down will diminish its strength. This is reminiscent of Bart Simpson’s “Cool your jets, man” (The Simpsons) or the simpler “Take it easy.”

3. Achte Figi Moun

“Achte figi moun” literally means “to buy someone’s face.” Think you can figure it out? You would have slim chances of hearing this in English word for word. This expression touches on the ideas of bribery and flattery, and would most closely link up with “kiss up to someone,” “suck up to” or “brown-nose.” I have mostly heard it used with a touch of infamous Haitian pride: “M’pa achte figi moun” (“I don’t kiss up to people”).

4. Ret Na Wòl Ou

“Ret na wòl ou” is actually not too far from English. It literally means “stay in your role” but links up with our “stay in your lane.” In other words, respect yourself and don’t overstep your boundaries.

5. Li Pa Gen Nen Nan Figi Li

“Li pa gen nen nan figi li” is not something you would want to hear someone say about you behind your back. The literal translation is “He/she doesn’t have a nose on his/her face.” It means that someone has no sense of dignity, pride or shame, like the archetypal nerd who keeps trying to join the cool kids’ clique even after numerous bold-faced rejections. (Maybe it comes from the idea that if this person did have a nose, he would immediately sense the obvious, kind of like when we say “You wouldn’t know __ if it hit you right between the eyes!”) After giving it a lot of thought, the only similar expressions that come to mind are “he’s a sucker” and “he hasn’t got a clue.”

The cleverness or “punch” of a phrase does not have to be sacrificed when you translate it from one language to another. Neither does the beauty of song lyrics or poetry. We may all speak different languages and belong to various cultures, but emotions and ideas are not limited to specific people groups. They are the universal building blocks of the human experience, and a bridge can always be made where there is understanding and effort.

Any funny expressions come to mind, either in English or another language? Please feel free to share in a comment below.

Virtues from Motherhood: Let go and take yourself back

Posted on October 16, 2017 by Samantha

“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” ― Najwa Zebian

I read that quote and I immediately think of all the emotional and mental burdens I carry around with me daily. Burdens that I should have set down long ago, yet somehow, they’ve managed to hitch a ride for years in the corners of my mind. I think we’re all guilty of this at some point in our lives, after a breakup, after the passing of a loved one or after a particularly difficult time of our lives. Whatever the burden is, or was, we haven’t been very good about dealing with it and letting it go and over weeks, months or even years it takes something from us. It takes our ability to fully trust someone, to truly fall in love or to believe we are worth the effort. These burdens weigh us down and make us weary, and in turn, we might miss small opportunities that could lead to large successes in our lives.

I am by no means an expert on letting things go or even dealing with them properly. I can admit I haven’t had the best of coping mechanisms and I’ve lost huge parts of what made me, me while trying to help others collect the parts of themselves, or in wondering what I could have done differently, when I wasn’t the one who did wrong. Instead of accepting that sometimes people do really crappy things to other people, and understanding that it wasn’t my fault and never will be, I pick apart every moment leading up to then. I over analyze how maybe on some random Tuesday I was too distant or I didn’t really give all of myself, knowing full well that I did.

Since asking for help, something I refused to do for years, I have found that those tiny voices that my mind shushed were not wrong, and I should have slowed down to listen to them. “You are enough.” “Your feelings matter.” “You deserve more than this”. All echoed in the faintest of voices in my mind but I never acknowledged them because I felt I could fix, or ignore, the problem. Before I knew it, the problem had gone from a pile of stones, to a monstrous mountain I now dragged everywhere with me.

That metaphoric mountain slowed down everything about me, things I never truly faced or dealt with now nagged on my every thought and move and it exaggerated my anxiety to levels I had never felt before. I felt like I was sick every single day, even though the doctor told me I was perfectly healthy. So, I had to make a choice; was I going to let myself wither away or was I going to let go of this mountain and take back who I was? Today, I am trying to do the latter, making sure I do one thing every day that’s for me, and only me. I am trying to remember that just because someone doesn’t see my worth that it doesn’t mean I am not worthy. I am reminding myself that although something I truly wanted didn’t go the way I’d hoped, there are other things for me on the horizon. Lastly, I am trying to remember that I have gone through harder and more challenging things and that I have always pulled myself up and I owe it to myself and most of all to my daughter, to keep doing so.

Pink

Posted on October 12, 2017 by Denise Claire (Pebbles)

The other night, I was scrolling through my social media and I stumbled upon this video. It’s a clip from The Ellen Show where Ellen Degeneres uses her opening monologue to discuss the absurdity of a product from the company Bic. It’s a set of pens just for women, customized to fit women’s hands. As if all women are the same?

This kind of marketing, separating men and women by changing the color of a product and nothing more and selling it at a different (and often higher) price bothers me. Or, perhaps, bother is too forgiving. This brand of advertising irks me. So much so, I spent a whole English I paper pointing out the sort of social oppression this advertising delivers.

Yes, there are some products that can be branded directly to women, such as period related things. But for simple objects such as office supplies, razors, deodorant, soap, snacks, children’s toys and so much more… Why must there be a delineation?

Often times, these products are some pastel coloring that not all women enjoy and they aren’t taken as seriously as their male-marketed counterparts. My post-its do the same job as regular not-for-her post-its and so do my soap, pens, razors, snacks and so forth.

What bugs me most is that they start this division of sexes at such a young age. Little girls are pushed to their own frilly, watered down version of a LEGO set that has little to no building capability. A little girl is taught early on that she should only like certain activities and certain colors. She is socialized to become this fictional “weaker sex,” even in our “progressive” times.

If this were truly truly the case, we shouldn’t be branding our products in such a way. When we do, we create barriers that prevent our movement to equality, no matter how simple.

What’s the stupidest “FOR HER” product you’ve ever seen?

All artwork by Pebbles.

The Key is Innovation

Posted on October 12, 2017 by briannavasquez

Image by: Sean Guzman

Whether if you are majoring in pastry arts or any other major, food culture and trends are heavily appreciated and have such a tremendous impact on us as Americans. While the job of a chef is tedious and was often not readily as renowned as it is now, it has become this phenomenon. Everyone wants to own their very own restaurant and establish their own style on the culinary or confectionary scene. It has become this career choice that became an easy venture as it opens huge possibilities from a business standpoint, in that you can readily market anything. Before the days of rainbow bagels and extravagant over-the-top milkshakes, there was a food trend that started a dessert war all on its own due to this new innovative idea…the cronut. Dominique Ansel of the Dominique Ansel Bakery created this amazing dessert in his New York City shop. The cronut was a hybrid dessert that was a cross between a croissant and a donut. The dessert has since been trademarked although many other franchised bakeries have tried to mimic the readily famous dessert.

a kiwi fruit and a sorbet representation of a kiwi

Image by: Thrillist

His dedication as a pastry chef has shown throughout the years as he continues to stun the pastry world. After the extended success of the cronut, Ansel has experimented and had other popular desserts as a part of his dessert menus around the world. Another innovative dessert being his cookie shots which are chocolate chip cookie dough shaped glasses that are served after being filled with milk. It serves as a new-age spin on the classic pairing of cookies and milk. But the latest dessert from Dominque Ansel creates the façade of a kiwi fruit while having the appearance of a Klondike ice cream bar. Its innermost layer is a Tahitian vanilla ice cream that is enrobed with a layer of kiwi sorbet and then covered with a layer of milk chocolate and cocoa powder to create that fuzzy outer layer that a kiwi has. This once again proves the talent that is Dominique Ansel as he constantly challenges the dessert world with new ideas and provides a whole new spectrum of flavor concepts readily involved in desserts.

One of the most amazing things, no matter what career that you partake in, is to always stay updated and to try to create something new or innovative that has not particularly been created beforehand. As I work towards being a pastry chef, I hope to challenge myself constantly in order to create new recipes and taste combinations for new desserts. I wish to create my own food trends by way of my ideas to influence the pastry world. I believe that we as humans should always push ourselves to be relevant and create a brand within our talents. No matter who you are and regardless of whether you have your entire future planned out or not, you should always be aware of how talented you are and acknowledge the fact that there is only one version of yourself which makes you already unique as well as what you have to offer this world.

The Parachute Jump

Posted on October 11, 2017 by Sabrina Vasquez

This will be the last installment of my adventures in Coney Island. The Parachute Jump might not be the oldest thing in Luna Park but it still holds some type of deep connotation of Brooklyn in our minds. As if seeing that wiry frame from afar, blazoned with lights, illuminating the night sky, was the Eiffel Tower of Brooklyn; symbolically telling visitors “You’ve arrived, welcome.” and to the Brooklynites “You’re Home.” Nothing beats the first time seeing the Parachute Jump light up the Coney Island skyline. It makes you think of how much you’d rather be there, right in front of it; curiosity over-taking every thought you could possibly concept. “…. I need to be there” I would sometimes whisper to myself as if its presence would make be feel better, happier, more like myself. It’s the nostalgia that calms me every time I see it. Like the waves of the Atlantic Ocean, it lulls every stress away, ultimately bringing me to a simpler time in my life. Such simplicity and innocence that is now coveted but also forgotten for the most part.

The Parachute Jump all began with the World Fair of 1939 in Flushing Meadows, Queens. The fair had seven zones of how to make the normal American’s life improved. In the amusement section, there stood The Parachute Jump created by a man by the name of James Strong of the U.S. Navy. He had already made several variations of the jump; first as a naval training device then in Chicago’s World Fair in 1936 which debuted the “Pair-O-Chutes”. This model was two hundred feet tall and was a remodel of an old observatory tower that was there prior to the Fair. It had six arms that could carry two passengers for each drop. It was major success and that led to it being asked to also feature in the World Fair in New York. So in 1939, Strong built the Parachute Jump at a height of two hundred fifty feet with twelve arms instead of six, the arms carried two people at a time. It costed forty cents for adults and twenty-five cents for children to ride. The passengers were loaded at the bottom of the ride, then ascended into the air before being released at the top, floating to the ground.

June 1947, aerial photo of a daring couple on the ride. Image Credit: Beumann/CORBIS

Just as years before in Chicago, the Parachute Jump was a success. It was so loved that The Tilyou Family (who owned Luna Park at the time) bought the ride for one hundred fifteen thousand dollars and brought to Coney Island and reassembled under the management of, architect, Michael Mario and, engineer, Edwin Kleinert.

Even though the nation went through some very tough times in relation to World War II, The Parachute Jump stood atop the beach literally as a symbol of safety. According to “The Parachute Jump Designation Report” on nyc.gov, the Parachute jump served as a beacon of light for American planes and ships.

It stopped production in the late 1960’s but it’s structural skeleton still stands. In 1980 it was admitted into to the collection of National Register of Historic Places. Nine years later it was finally recognized as a New York City Landmark. By 1993, the Parachute Jump was painted in its original colors and stabilized for viewing purposes. The addition of LED lights wasn’t introduced until 2004; this production took two years to complete and made its first public appearance on July 7, 2006.

Now The Parachute Jump is like the Times Square of Brooklyn for New Year’s Eve. It will count down the seconds and illuminate the space at midnight. It has recently become a popular destination for New Yorkers on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.

The parachute Jump has become the capital of Coney Island for me. It reminds me of my younger days on the Island and most of the reasons why I’m so proud of my borough.

What does The Parachute Jump mean to you?

It’s coming…..

Posted on October 11, 2017 by Gennessy Palma

Hey guys! It’s your friendly neighborhood tech blogger here to talk about, DUN DUN DUN midterms – gasp – I know right, the forbidden term we all despise. Now now I’m not here to scare anybody but quite the opposite, I’m here to give you tips on how to survive the scary month. For starters, the basic and more important portion to anything, including midterms is health, take a walk, hike, sit and watch the sunset, or even watch the sunrise if you’re a morning person, my preference as you all know is nature, anything surrounded in nature is my distress factor. On the topic of health, a main factor that keeps us all sane in this time of year, sleep! Ladies and gentlemen I can’t stress this enough, without sleep you CANNOT function for an exam! You’re deprive your body and your mind of energy, without sleep our bodies can’t reboot and gain the necessary energy for the day, the average amount of sleep necessary is 7-8 but given that it is midterms week, 6-7 is fine, any lower than that is no Bueno my friend.

Photographer: Lokendra Singh

A word for the wise, in any class no matter what always have a copy of your work and store it, take it from a COMD major gal, flash drives are everything!!!!! Whether it’s for typography or labs for physics, always keep copies incase you lose the original, or even scan it and save the documents in your flash drives, you don’t even need to buy anything pricey a simple 16GB is really cheap and good to store small things.

Created by: Gennessy Palma

Now an obvious tip, STUDY! We all become so overwhelmed with planning and creating study guides that we forget to read and let everything since in, read over your notes! A+’s do not come in easy you know, for the first year students, I recommend you ask your professors for some help and asking them how it’s like, perhaps they can help you build a guide to help prepare you for the upcoming exams, remember DO NOT be afraid to ask for help, this isn’t high school, the professors will not come to you and remind you of everything, come to them after or before class, if you’re both available, use the office hours, it doesn’t hurt to ask! Reach out, don’t be silent, because in the end of the day, YOU are responsible for yourself, this is the adult life, but you don’t have to go at it alone, build study groups if you can! Use the recourses available in the school, the library, the computer labs, there’s one in vorhees in the second floor and on in the sixth floor in the main building, don’t lounge around, sit up and do what you can, be strong, get rest, be calm! Deep breathes guys, we’ll make it but you just need to put the effort in!

Tips to Getting The Most out of each Semester

Posted on October 10, 2017 by Cherishe Cumma-Clarke

So the semester has begun and I, like most students, feel exhausted almost every day. As a student at a CUNY college life can be difficult, especially if your morning commute to class requires the use of public transportation. Aside from the challenges that come with traveling to school, there are many other obstacles that a college student has to face on a daily basis. However, after spending three years as a CUNY college student I realized that being a student isn’t as difficult as we make it out to be. College is similar to a rubix cube in a way because its just a challenge that requires a great strategy and your full concentration in order to be executed thoroughly. In order to prosper in college I had to figure out 1) how I could adapt to college life, and 2) which tactics could I use to make each semester beneficial to me. Below, I have listed my top 5 tips/ tactics that I used, and still use to get the most out each semester, with hopes that readers can gain some insight on how to make each semester a successful one.

The tips that I use to get the most out of each semester are:

Tip 1: Take your studies seriously!!

You can party hard, and still pass all of your classes. Just organize your time, and make sure you prioritize studying as well as looking over your notes. Your parents or legal guardians aren’t shelling out big bucks for you to bring home C’s and D’s!! Apply yourself to your books, just like you apply yourself to social media and video games, and all the other things you enjoy. School is only as difficult as you make it!! Think about it like this , attaining a bachelor’s degree only takes a few years of your life. So why not go to school and do your best in every class that you registered for? The semester only last a few months, and although it may seem like a drag you have to make the most of it because it’s not free. Each class costs a significant amount of money whether it be yours, your parent’s or money you receive from financial aid. Regardless of how your semester is paid for, we all know it’s not cheap, and each student owes it to themselves to do their best so they don’t waste their time or the money that was paid for their individual classes.

Tip 2: Party!!

When I say “party”, I DO NOT mean go out clubbing with your friends every night. I’m saying that students should have some down time to breathe. Every once in awhile throughout the semester students should take a break from the books. Go out and have a night on the town. Go out to a new restaurant and try their signature drink, go all out, have dessert while you’re at it! If you don’t party then find something exciting to do like visiting Sky Zone Trampoline Park, or go race around the go kart track at Pole Position Raceway. There is always something exciting happening in New York. All you have to is log on to the computer, and Google away!!

Tip 3: Attend events on Campus!!

Colleges are always hosting events!! Don’t limit yourself to just your college events. CUNY ID cards work at just about all CUNY campuses, so go explore what other campuses have to offer. If you’re feeling really adventurous go visit a SUNY campus, and see how colleges get down outside of New York City. New York City College of Technology has at least one event a week, if not more. Events on campuses are the best way to take a load off while you’re on break, or after a long day, and these events also give you the opportunity to meet lots of new people and potential friends.

Tip 4: Make Friends (Network)!!

Don’t be a hermit crab throughout your whole college career!! Talk to your classmates, and get to know the people around you. Of course be careful who you make friends with because not everyone deserves to have you in their life. However, I have personally met some amazing people in college who have been a blessing to me since the day we met. The best way to figure out if you should befriend a fellow student, is to give them a trial period. Monitor their behavior for a few weeks, if they seem normal then, great you have a new friend. If this particular person rubs you the wrong way, run for the hills! Pay attention to the signs, because there are always signs.

Tip 5: Be nice to your Professors!

I don’t think students realize just how important their relationships with their professors are. Professors have extensive knowledge about subjects/ fields that may be beneficial to students in the long run. Professors also have connections, and they can assist you with getting into special programs, and finding jobs in your field of interest. Professors also are perfect for writing letters of recommendations because they monitor your progress throughout the semester, so they can reflect on your positive attributes. If a student maintains a positive relationship with their professor, they can ask their professor for an amazing letter of recommendation, or for help with other academic related issues. Maintaining a positive relationship with your professor can enhance your college career to great heights.

These tips that I provided below may seem simple but if you incorporate them into your life, you will see drastic changes. College is about getting good grades, but it’s also about finding yourself and figuring out who you are. In order to do so, college students must have experiences, and then learn from those experiences. These precious years of college are our last few years of real freedom until real life, and real responsibility kicks in, so enjoy yourself while you can. My advice for all college students is to take chances, live your lives, work hard but most of all make the most out each semester.

Mask On

Posted on October 10, 2017 by Neffi

picture obtained from mindfuldragon.com

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane in your life I’m sure you have heard the following words:

“If the cabin air pressure changes dramatically, oxygen masks might fall from the ceiling directly in front of you. Follow the airline’s instructions in operating their masks. If a child is seated beside you, put on your own mask before helping to put a mask on the child.”

It is standard protocol that flight attendants recite these safety instructions to all passengers before takeoff. There’s a reason why. Your job, first and foremost, is to help yourself and take care of your own needs. Hence why the flight attendants encourage you to secure your oxygen mask first. When you ensure your own safety, you have a better chance of saving others: your family member, your child/children, the other people you’re traveling with, or another passenger. If you try to put the mask on someone else first, chances are you’re going to pass out before you can even get their mask on them. You and the person you want to help have both lost.

The moral here is: You have to make sure you are taken care of first, and THEN you can effectively help others.

obtained from horizonmagazine.com

Whether it’s in your line of work, with family, friends, or anything else, we sometimes find ourselves giving and giving, and helping and sacrificing for others until we’re drained with nothing left. As someone who works in the nonprofit sector and is currently a Human Services major, I know how demanding it is to dedicate your life and career to helping others, and I take pride in it. We all have a common goal of ultimately wanting to make a difference in the lives of others. This doesn’t just apply to someone in nonprofit, I think it’s true for most people. Many want to make a difference in the lives of their friends and families, or in their community. Striving to do so, it’s easy to become overwhelmed with the expectations and responsibilities that may carry.

Have you ever found yourself realizing you’ve committed to too many things but not wanting to drop any and disappointment someone, so you just let it kill you?
Have you ever stayed late at work because your boss asked, but you really needed to be resting?
Have you ever said yes to something or someone you didn’t have time for because it was your friend or family member?
Do you see where I’m going with these questions???

If any of this sounds familiar to you, or brings up your own scenario, you probably consider yourself to be selfless, giving, and helpful. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I wish all of humanity possessed these traits, but self care has to be your priority.
As indulgent as the phrase “self care” may sound, it starts with just a few basic habits that are crucial to your functioning. Making sure you get enough sleep, making sure you take time every day to dedicate to yourself; reading a book, taking a nice long bath. Those are some of the many basic things you can do to elevate your mindset, and mental and physical health.

Sometimes taking care of yourself often begins with saying “no” to others, and “yes” to yourself. That can sometimes invoke feelings of guilt because you’ve had to turn down helping or doing something for someone so you can enjoy that much needed nap;
but don’t apologize for making yourself a priority!
A better me, is a better me for me AND you!
You have to be a little selfish at times to be completely unselfish when it counts.

As a woman, I relate to naturally being expected to be a nurturer, a giver, selfless. This school of thought of woman expectancies and our “role” has been passed down through generations. We see our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and neighbors take care of their family, friends and significant others, and plop down tired at the end of the day. Who takes care of them?? We see them constantly putting themselves last and everyone else first. We watch them end up putting their health and well being onto the back burner to please others, and we tend to end up in that cycle ourselves. That doesn’t truly help you and in the long run it has its consequences. I’ve learned from my experience (and theirs) that helping others is almost impossible to achieve if you are going through turbulence in your own life.

When you’re in an angry space, the last thing you want to do is put on a smile for others.

When you’re in a negative mindset, you’re unable to make a positive impact on others because you are consumed by your own issues.

When you’re unhappy, you don’t have the will to try to make someone else’s day, or hear about someone else’s problems, because you’ve got your own problems to worry about.

When you’re TIRED, what energy do you have to put into someone else?? You aren’t doing anyone any favors by not showing up for them fully because you’re exhausted.

You are absolutely useless to anyone else if you are depleted and gasping for the time and energy you’ve completely given away before you’ve met your own needs.
What can be poured out of an empty cup? Nothing.
What happens to a battery you never charge? It doesn’t work!
You will get to the point where taking care of others will consciously, or unconsciously, feel like a huge burden if you aren’t taking care of yourself as well, and will eventually lead to resentment. This isn’t good for anyone and this is what harms relationships.

I am a “me time” cheerleader. I always put myself first because when I am full of energy and happy, it spews out to everyone around me; at work, at home, wherever. When I’m walking around with a smile, I’m brightening people’s day, and I’m present and able to help and be my best self. I’ve also realized that on the other hand, when I am doing too much, I end up complaining about all those things and blaming them, when I should be looking at myself. Self care isn’t just important, it’s crucial. It’s the number one driving force of all around healthy living.

Self care is the best care. Put your own oxygen mask on, then you can assist others. THEN you can be fruitful at work without over exerting and burning out.
THEN you can do favors for your friends and loved ones without regretting that you agreed to do it.
THEN you can continue to make your positive impact.
It has to be done in that order or you will end up burned out with no energy left for yourself.

Everyone I know, myself included, can do with a little bit more self care and self love. Where do you begin? That’s a question a lot of people have because they assume self care means go out and shop, or take a day off work for a spa day. Those are great (seriously!) but it can be much simpler. You might know exactly what it is you need to do for you that you have been neglecting. If not, or you just need motivation, I want to share these two posts that really highlight the importance of self care and the simple ways you can start to show yourself more attention. I hope they inspire you to take care/ better care of yourselves so you can live your best life and in turn inspire and be better for those around you.

50 ways to Practice Self Care
Help Yourself Before Helping the World

obtained from i.ytimg.com

P.S I watched a video last week of an interview on the Humans of NY facebook series. It is an older woman proclaiming how much she loves herself first, and then she loves you second, and I said “who found this video of me in the future??!” Lol. Her words really spoke to me because it is exactly what I believe when it comes to self care and putting myself first. Check her out, seniors are the precious gems in this world, they carry all the wisdom 🙂 Video

The Language of Love

Posted on October 9, 2017 by Robine J

By Robine Jean-Pierre

There are hundreds, if not thousands of languages spoken, written and articulated in the world today. Not all of us will be able to say we learned Swahili, Chinese or Urdu in our lifetime, but there is one language that we can all speak, one language alone that can unite us: the language of love. And no, I don’t mean French or Spanish.

a man in suit and bow-tie holding a martini glass and winking

“No man is an island” (the title of a poem by John Donne). Unless you have spent all of your life in solitary confinement, you have connections with people around you. What we often overlook, even though it may seem obvious, is that these deep rooted relationships require maintenance. Your loved ones have standards that you need to meet, and vice versa, in order to keep the relationship afloat. That might mean phone calls, keeping the house clean, gifts, visits, etc. The thing is that we all set those standards in different ways, and that’s where the specific love languages come in.

In his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains that there are five main ways we express and receive love. They are: acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, and quality time. He goes on to point out that each of us has a primary love language; we feel the most loved through it and express it toward others the most. I will explain in my own words and give some examples below.

one man holding a door open for another man

MCT via Getty Images

Acts of Service

If this is your primary love language, you feel most loved when someone helps you. You are always willing to lend a helping hand to others as well. It warms your heart when someone holds a door open for you or offers to do the dishes when it was your turn. Conversely, it really “grinds your gears” when someone does not offer you a hand, whether by outright refusing, or by failing to acknowledge your need.

For these people, actions speak way louder than words. If you love them, you will be willing to show it, and to do whatever they are asking of you with a sincere heart. This might be doing the dirty work, like taking out the trash without being asked. This is definitely my mom’s love language, and not just because she is a mom. I have seen her offer herself wholeheartedly, not just for her children, but for people who, frankly, do not even deserve it.

two young male friends, one with his arm around the other's shoulder

photo by Vishvanavanjana

Physical Touch

You love to give and receive hugs, pats on the back, an arm around the shoulder and firm handshakes. You find massages incredibly enjoyable, and holding you while you cry is the most compassionate way someone can console you.

People might be suspicious of you because they are not as comfortable with touching, or they suspect that you are just trying to “make a move” on them–but that’s not true. Physical touch is not limited to affection exchanged between lovers. This is my fiancé Angel’s primary love language, and I realized early on that his touchiness was not simply flirtiness when I observed his interactions with family and friends. He was all hugs, all the time, and still is that way.

Words of Affirmation

a text message conversation in which one person expresses his/her feelings for the other

from Pinterest

You value words of praise and encouragement. One compliment has your mood lifted for the entire day. Love letters are the quickest way to your heart. On the other end, hurtful words inflict a wound like nothing else can.

If you know individuals like this, it is crucial that you constantly boost them up with the power of your words. Don’t dismiss them as being vain or conceited when they fish for compliments. Tell them “I love you” often, because even if you hit all of the other four love languages, they might not feel certain until you say it. Don’t just think good toward them–be very vocal about your appreciation and generous with compliments. Be careful, even when joking, about what you say to them.

Receiving Gifts

You feel most loved when someone gives you a gift. Whether something small like a flower or expensive like new sneakers, just the fact that someone thought of you means the world to you. Someone’s presence is also a present to you; you would be greatly offended if your significant other got you nothing on Valentine’s Day, but also if your best friend did not make it to your birthday party.

a man embracing a woman to whom he has given a gift

Vogue (http://www.pulse.ng)

I feel as if this can be mistaken for being materialistic, but there is a difference. From what I have observed, this is my younger sister’s primary love language, and it took a while for me to realize that she wasn’t just being greedy whenever she asked me to bring her something on my way back home. Her attention to detail when choosing and packaging gifts for others also says it all. Because of this, when I have the money and time, I am less reluctant to pick up a Snickers bar or buy her something she’s been raving about every now and then.

Quality Time

You are an unofficial event planner, always coming up with a new idea for a date with your friends, family or significant other. You value long conversations, especially with an engaged listener. If you had one complaint in a relationship, it would be, “We never spend enough time together!” You give your phone a side-eye when someone does not reply back to your messages quickly enough or answer your calls.

a father reading a picture book on the couch with his daughter

Photo courtesy of United Way of West Alabama

This is definitely my primary love language. Nothing hurts me more than a missed opportunity to see someone I love, especially Angel. It drives me crazy when he’s not texting me, even if he has a very legitimate excuse, like work. I can spend a whole day with him and still feel disappointed when we have to part ways. This was true even with my best friend Marsha when we were younger; I often cried whenever I had to leave her apartment, and we lived in the same building.

People like me need as much time as you can afford to give. Make sure that in the midst of all your responsibilities, you don’t make a “quality-timer” feel as if he/she is at the bottom of your list; we are more likely to get jealous of things (e.g. work, sports, video games) than people. Set aside time for dates, phone calls, etc., and as a tip, it’s not enough to just be in the same room together–make sure that the activity requires you to give each other undivided attention.

Get Out There and Love Someone

Chapman explains that each of us has a love tank that needs to be filled. Often times, people act out, complain, or are unhappy because their tank is not filled. Marriages often crumble because two people are working hard to please each other in the way they know how, not in the way their spouse wants. The main way to fill the tank is to show love in that person’s primary love language.

If you are wondering what your primary love language is, think about which one you show others the most, and what bothers you the most (and see the quiz online). I highly recommend you get a copy of the book for yourself and take the quiz. Just as a final word of advice, the goal here is not to win people over, but to love them for the sake of love. If something is to be done, it might as well be done right. Do you want a boring relationship or an exciting one? Do you want nagging parents or happy parents? Love people wholeheartedly, expecting nothing in return, and this world would be radically redefined.

The Buzz Archive

writing City Tech, one blog at a time

Monthly Archives: October 2017