In the first unit assignment the comments that I mainly got were about comma splices that I have done throughout most of the essay. When I revise that unit assignment seeing that will allow me to further fix the message that I was trying to omit to the reader with the word/phrase that I chose for my discourse community. Fixing it would mean that I need to make the message more clear to the reader about how my word relates to the the discourse community as a whole not just myself. Doing this would allow more opinions to be expressed and can provide it to be more concise to the reader.
Some of the things that I feel need some type of revision are mainly my use of commas in my first unit and if I need anything done in my second unit assignment. In addition, I feel like I need to use more transition words and other phrases in order to link each paragraph together so that it feels more formal while reading it as opposed to a normal conversation you have with someone.
In my first unit assignment I mainly wrote it as if I was talking to the person so I feel like the grammar could use more work when I take the time and fully revise and rewrite it. To do this I may separate each paragraph and find what’s the issue with that paragraph and see whether it fits the overall theme for that paragraph compared to the overarching topic of “Greatness” as a word for the basketball discourse community. Doing this may help to see the further issues in my first unit assignment because I would be concentrating on one paragraph at a time as opposed to searching throughout all of it for what to change. I would ask in the one on one conference if I need to switch my intro paragraphs around so that it can flow better to make it easier to understand for those who don’t know much about basketball as a sport. This first assignment I would consider redoing because of how I structured it as a whole because throughout the entirety of it I almost forget that it is about a phrase for the discourse community as opposed to what the word means to only me.
In the second unit assignment I feel like I improved from the first assignment, some of the questions that I may ask in the one on one conference is if I need much changing with it. This is because I haven’t received much “negative” comments on it from others in the class so I wouldn’t know which parts need changing or if it needs any changing at all. I will approach it with a similar style to the first unit assignment revision which would be analyzing each section of the assignment to try and find the issues with it and to determine if it flows well with other parts of the essay as well.