Virtues from Motherhood: A promise for 2018

With 2018 just two weeks away I want to devote my last blog of the semester to a promise. A promise to smile more and laugh louder, a promise to stop and breathe life in a little longer and a promise to be a little kinder to ourselves in 2018. The last two years have been ones of great change and endurance and reshaping who I want to be as a woman. I have learned that the relationship I have with myself is by far the most important one there is and I need to protect and preserve that before I can do for others. Here are the promises I am making to myself for 2018….

  • Learn your limits: Sometimes you just need to say no and put yourself first, and that’s okay. You can’t please everyone all the time and you can’t neglect your own well-being for the benefit of others. Take a minute to take stock of your limits and don’t be afraid to put your foot down and protect them, people who can’t respect your limits, don’t respect you.
  • Be kinder to yourself: Everyone fails sometimes, everyone has a bad day and everyone is going to make a mistake. Don’t beat yourself up over this, own up to it, clean up the mess and keep going with your head held high. Your mistakes don’t define you, how you handle it does. Be kinder to yourself when you have a bad day, take a breather and do better tomorrow.
  • Aim high: Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. Set goals for yourself and go for them, anyone who tries to stop you is threatened by your ambitions. If you want to go back to school, go, if you want to double major, go for it, if you want to change careers and start over, do it. Remember this is your life and you hold the reins.
  • Ask for help: Nobody likes to admit they can’t do something but every now and then we need a helping hand. It might be with a work project or it might just be a shoulder to cry on, either way know when to ask. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak or inferior it means you knew yourself well enough to know you were starting to sink.

As I look back on 2017 I think of all the goals I set last year. While some of them have collected dust this year other ones have blossomed. I think the goal I most achieved this year is self-care. I was finally able to admit I needed help and I got it; and I’m on the mend, yesterday, today and going forward. I still have so much time to grow and meet my goals but my main one right now, is making sure I live my best life, every single day.

I wish all my readers a happy and health holiday season, I’ll see you in the New Year!

Diary of a Former Nomad: Adjusting Pains

Life happens pretty much whether you like it or not. It’s the worst feeling having to adjust to the same situation over and over again whether it be heartbreaks, disappointments, failures, and the list goes on and on. The hardest part of these events in life is what happens next. How we choose to pick ourselves up is what sort of defines us. Between you and me, my hearts been broken one too many times but I always seem to find my way back. It’s harder each time but I never imagined it would be any easier. It may be a New Year but for some people they are still facing pains and aches of the past and putting these pains behind  might be the only way to see 2017. If this is you here are 5 steps that I have taken when it comes to adjusting any to painful situation.

 

Step 1: Begin Accepting What Has Happened

You can never move on from any painful event in your life if you cannot accepted what has happened. The first step in moving forward is coming to grips with what has happened. Begin to pick up the pieces and accept the fact that what has happened is not something you can change any longer. Each day tell yourself that although it is hard it will not feel this way forever.

Step 2 : Build a Support System

Nothing in life is ever easy to get through alone. In finding yourself back to a better space and a better you it is important to build a system of people who support you and encourage growth within you. For those who are hesitant to opening up to friends or family now may be the perfect time to let them in and allow them to help you fix what is broken.

Step 3 : Avoid Reliving the Memories

Now is not the best time to be walking down memory lane. It is best to put the past where it belong and keep looking forward. Invest your time in making new memories and building a better you. Looking back will only keep you from seeing the great things that are possible for the future.

Step 4 : Invest in Yourself

After any traumatic event in life we are at our lowest point but we can only go up from there. When the grayness of the days have passed and you begin to see yourself for the strong person you are  take the time to pour more of your time into yourself. Put yourself first and never look back!

Step 5 : Learn From it All

Everything happens for a reason or so I’d like to tell myself. Whenever something disappointing happens it is important for us not to bury it away but take the time to learn from it. Realize why it went wrong and take the lessons learned and move forward with it. Remember don’t take the event with you but what you gained from it.

Diary of a Former Nomad: New Years Resolution–Don’t Have One!

Happy New Year Techies!

Every New Year since I could remember I have always set a resolution whether it be that I would eat better or study more, but every year I always fall. I would either lose steam by the time February rolled around or I would just give in to pure temptation. And every year I would in some small way feel disappointed in myself and let’s be honest that is no way to feel in a new year when all efforts are being poured into staying positive. So, for whatever reason it might have been I told myself that in this new year I wasn’t going to set a resolution because I just wanted to live and take life as I came to me.

Now you may be saying well that by itself is a resolution and in some way it is, but in another sense I am not setting myself up for failure. Every year I put a new creed into action and it never falls all the way through so this year I just plan on adjusting to life as it comes. Now don’t get me wrong this doesn’t mean that I do not have goals for the year which I do, but a resolution, no. I am putting my efforts into smaller short term goals that will positively affect my long term goals. Setting a goal for the week instead a year is more fruitful. Give yourself time to grow and give yourself the time needed. Life isn’t a race! I think we often forget that life is for living and its about making each moment count.

So in 2017 lets adjust to the idea that life happens both bad and good, and it is the idea of how we handle it that matters. It is how we treat ourselves that will in fact mirror how we treat others. Be kind, be thoughtful, be smart, and humble, and content with the fact that no matter how little you may have it is more than someone else might. Be proud of yourself for how far you have come  but realize that the journey is only half done. Take 2017 for the open book that it can be and be prepared to write the most epic chapter of your life. I know I am!

Bucket List

Seasons Greeting and Happy New Year to all!

As we enter the new year I know many of us may have some New Years resolutions. As a blogger, mine are indefinite but I’ll keep it short for my readers.

First is, visiting the new second avenue train station! A project that was in the works long before the birth of my parents! Growing up and always hearing about the station being built and seeing the construction workers at work had me always anxious and waiting for the day it it’ll open. And it is here now!

Next is, visiting the freedom tower! The tallest building in not only New York but also, the United States of America. I’ve heard that the iconic view in the tower is to die for!

Furthermore, I would like to take a painting course. As someone who isn’t very artistic, I’ve always wished I could grow and learn more in that “field”. My appreciation for it all stems from my artistic friends in my life always able to paint/draw anything you ask them to. It is also a great stress reliever. Something us college students need more of.

I am looking forward to this new year and sharing my experiences of my adventures with you all!

Virtues from Motherhood: Positivity

In the course of my 26 years I’ve learned quite a bit about the energy you surround yourself with. It’s very easy to get caught up in a pessimistic web of thoughts, so why not creative a positive stepping path instead? Easier said than done, I know, but it has truly made all the difference in the last three years of my life.

When you think positively and set realistic goals, even if they’re small, you begin to feel lighter, more in control and just overall happier. I used to set monstrous goals for myself, ones that would take years to complete and seemed so far out of reach I’d get frustrated and give up. Instead though I started setting smaller goals, do 30 minutes of exercise twice a week, eat one less bad meal a week or swap out a sugary drink for water twice a day. Smaller goals just seem more obtainable and when you meet them you feel like you’re making progress.

The same goes for bigger life goals, like graduating from college or advancing in your career. To simply say you want to graduate in 2 years is so vague and so easily disturbed that you almost set yourself up for failure. Instead set goals like, you want to have x amount of credits by next fall or you want to raise your GPA by so many points.

The moral of the story here is small steps eventually add up to leaps and bounds and while you  may not see change overnight you will see it over time. For example, I was academically dismissed from John Jay College and now I have a 3.9 GPA and have been on the Dean’s List two semesters in a row. It is little things like that, that let me know I’m on the right track.

So tell me readers, what are your milestones for 2017?

 

Diary of A Former Nomad: My Story, Part 3 & 4

Happy holidays everyone! As the year comes to an end so too does my story. For those who have been following me and reading each part of my story I hope that it has given you some hope, inspiration, or even gotten you through a day that you thought you couldn’t. Sharing this story was not an easy decision but I know that because of it I have become stronger. I know that I needed to let go of this baggage that I have been carrying around for years in order to be better for the coming years. I hope that you all have a great holiday season and the new year brings you happiness and success!

Here are the final chapters of my story. If you haven’t read yet read the first and second part click the links below.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

I returned home to my small battered village, a battered child. My emotions, self esteem and confidence were at an all time low. I returned to parents who seemed somewhat genuine and had flourished during my absence. The house was filled with much more but the stench of pain and sorrows still remained engraved into the walls. My mother was different. She was colder and less nurturing. My father was as before, standoffish and his eyes still had no light. I still remembered arriving home early that morning and being amazed of how monumental the house felt. I had my own room. It was pink and bright and everything I could have hoped for in a room. I had pets too. My life finally seemed to be what I could have imagined it to be. But soon enough the welcome home mat had been removed and it was back to the ways things used to be. My parents fought and pushed me in the middle to choose a side. I told my mother I chose her and my father I chose him. I couldn’t choose and as small as I was, I remembered thinking I shouldn’t have to. I had given up so much for them and yet they couldn’t give up fighting for me. Maybe it was now that I was older and could understand more that the fights seemed worse. Looking back now, I’ve shed more tears with my parents than laughs. They have been the reason for my birth and the death of many of my beliefs, hopes and dreams. As much as they have given me, they have taken away so much more.

 

I lost my innocence the day I saw my mother try to hang herself in our living room from the rafters.

I lost hope for my father the day he slapped me for standing up for my mother then emptied out the cupboards and left us hungry for weeks.

 

I lost faith in God after many more fights and nights of crying myself to sleep after I realized he had made my life this way.

 

I had lost so much but had gained something I never thought I would. I had friends now due to my father’s new and well-known name. People say money can’t buy happiness but in my case, it sure did. After the beatings and the blows I got money, a lot of money. The money did nothing but numb me even more but one good thing came from that money. I never knew her name, but she was about 5 years old. She had no money to buy a Popsicle and without hesitation I bought it for her. I bought it and a smile shined from one end to another on her face. Sometimes I remember this day and think of how much joy I found in that little girl and my ability to help her and my regret for not giving her more. I wonder if she wished she was me and had the ability to buy more and have more. I hope she didn’t. I had nothing or should I say nothing I wanted.

 

Before I knew it, it was time to leave again and a broken family was going to be broken once more. My father couldn’t leave with us and I question if my fight to wait for him meant anything to him both then and now.

When he did get his papers, we all packed up and I wished and prayed in that moment that my new life would be three things: permanent, happy and enough. Enough for my parents, hoping they would be content with whatever we had because we had each other, that we could finally be a family. A family who loved each other and appreciated one another. That I would be more to them than a bargaining tool, I would be someone they were proud of. I would be worth their love and appreciation without having to be someone else but their daughter.

 

I got on that plane and left again. I left behind hardships that children should not have to endure. I hoped to leave behind sorrow and all the pains. I would be living in a new place and no one would know how bad my dad beat my mom and punished us. No one would know of how damaged I was. I would be able to dream, grow and flourish into the person that the creator of the heavens and I knew I would become.

Part 4

This October makes 11 years since I made that wish. I can’t say that it’s been granted. My story has not been an easy one and I don’t think it’ll get easier but it has become one that I could manage. Life is fluid, it doesn’t stay still. It moves, grows, and evolves and by doing so we find ourselves, our purpose, our reason. What has happened in my life doesn’t define me but it’s given me many roads to determine my own purpose and my own reason. I can’t say that I wouldn’t change the things that have happen but I also can’t say that I would change how my life is now. I’ve had to chance to live freer than most people do their entire lives and it’s something I hold dear to my heart. My life, all 22 years has been trying to find the right place and maybe we never do. Maybe we find the best parts of all the better parts of life. Maybe it’s all one big trial and at some point in our lives whether we are aware or not we find that place. I’ll keep searching for mine.

 

Until then, I hope this story, my story; opens yours eyes to seeing that life even in its worst parts it just that. It’s just a bad day, a bad part, a memory. Life is just a trial subscription to many opportunities, many lives, and loves. So live and be open to the possibilities that no matter what happens someday and somehow it gets better.