Be Grateful…..Sit Down

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The Hurricane Harvey devastation in Houston really hit home for me last week. The Summer of 1999, me and my siblings were across the street with my mom at her friend’s house where we normally spent our days. My mom and her friend were in the kitchen gossiping and laughing. Me and her friends granddaughters playing in the living room making sure we were “where they could see us” lol. The phone rang, my mom picked up, and next thing we saw she was running across the street.

Our house was on fire!

In less than 20 minutes our lives had flipped upside down and a new version of reality set in. We had nothing. Nothing but the clothes on our backs and everything else was destroyed; either by the fire, or the water the firemen hosed in. With no idea what the next steps were, I understood what just happened, but was still too young to really UNDERSTAND.

With 3 kids, one of them just one year old, I can’t imagine what that moment was like for my mother. So I asked her..

Meet Rachel, 56 year old dimepiece, vintage gem, and mother of 5. My mother. The best woman, best person I’ve ever known, and someone whom I’m unquestionably the luckiest person in the world to be around daily. *cues applause*

Me: When you got the call that the apartment was on fire what was your initial reaction?
Mom: Well you remember my mother and father were in that house. She’s the one who called me. She said “Rae there’s a fire here!”. I don’t know why she called me but didn’t leave out of the house (laughs). So I ran over there immediately to make sure they were ok and see how bad it was. I opened the door and the smoke was so bad I couldn’t go in. I yelled into the apartment for my mother and father to come out. That was my immediate concern, my parents.

Me: I remember they were in there. So once things settled what were your thoughts?
Mom: Once everything calmed down I went in to see if anything could be salvaged. I had just finished purchasing all the school supplies for you guys. I had your book bags, everything, but everything was soaking wet. I said Oh god, well that was it. My children and I have nowhere to stay. I’ve lost everything. There’s not much to think about but you know, we’re alive. You don’t know where you’re gonna stay but things, things you can get back, I was glad we were ok.

Me:Who did you lean on through this process?
Mom: It was just us and God. Just me and him. I had to do what I had to do. It was hard, of course it was.I wasn’t working and I had you guys depending on me.

Me: If you could go back to that moment and encourage yourself in that moment what would you tell yourself?
Mom: Everybody’s ok. As long as there’s life…there’s hope. We gonna be alright…and that’s what I always say to myself every time.

Me:What are your feelings about Houston right now?
Mom: It’s devastating because it’s a natural disaster, it isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s hard when things are out of your control. They will recover, that I know. Life is a process of struggle and overcoming. To the ones that have lost their loved ones, I wouldn’t even say “they’re in a better place” because I don’t think that helps anyone. Time heals all wounds and the only thing you can do is stay strong to make it. You can get everything else material back but you can’t get life back. Once there’s life there’s hope, they’re gonna be alright. Once you have life, you have just about everything you need to continue on. Life is motivation.

Thank you mom, your strength is unmatched.

In a moment of loss, devastation, and no idea what comes next; what prevails in my mom, the Harvey survivors, and so many others who have gone through traumatic situations is one word: Gratefulness. There is SUPREME power in being grateful. As I followed the hurricane Harvey story I saw devastation and sadness, but you know what I saw as well? I saw appreciation for what they did have. Appreciation for seeing it through, weathering the storm…literally. I saw children playing and splashing in flooded areas like it was a pool, videos of people thanking God for life in the midst of crisis. I saw people finding humor in the midst of it all and people rejoicing that they had been rescued or found shelter and refuge. Video

So before we “all lives matter” Houston because we too have our own real life disasters and issues, I’m challenging you to take more time to be grateful. It’s so important. It shouldn’t take us having to see or hear about someone in an unfortunate situation, or a “feed the children” commercial to be appreciative and to stop being blind to the plethora of gifts the universe has given us.

Please, don’t confuse being grateful as denying you your natural right to be unhappy or dissatisfied in a situation. There are so many people desperately seeking the good in life, and we too may have been in times where gratefulness might not have been the first point on the agenda. And that’s ok. Start with the small things, and gratitude will start to show you more and more of what you do have, when you stop focusing on what you don’t have.

The Friday before Harvey hit Houston, I stared into my over packed fridge and complained about it not having certain things I wanted and had an appetite for at that moment, and I mean I went on and on every time I opened it. “How is the fridge packed but it’s nothing in it? OMG nobody bought me the….” Let me tell you, If I could take that ENTIRE fridge and ship it to Houston right now I would.

Let gratefulness be the most important choice of your day. Start a list today, list ten things you’re grateful for, add to it every chance you get. Put a few  of the things you’re grateful for in the comments now, I’m nosy I’d love to hear 🙂 .

Like a flower, the more you feed it, the more it will grow. We’ll be doing this together. Numero uno on my list: I’m grateful for you reading this.

I LOVE YOU.

This can help you get started 🙂

An Nou PalĂ© (Let’s Talk)

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by Robine Jean-Pierre

the words "Haitian, I am that. Creole, I speak that, Red and Blue, I bleed that" written in front of a Haitian flag

Have you ever heard someone refer to Haitian Creole as “broken French” or “French slang”? This can be offensive to speakers of the language, mainly because it is inaccurate.

Haitian Creole (or krĂ©yol ayisyen) is the main language spoken in Haiti. When we Haitians refer to the language we just call it krĂ©yol, but recognized internationally, adding “Haitian” distinguishes it from the many other types of creoles there are worldwide. Several other Caribbean and/or West Indian nations have creoles, and even Australia does as well.

So what is a creole? A creole starts off as a pidgin, a rudimentary “language” of sorts that combines elements from the languages of two different countries.  It is a makeshift language used mainly for business; that is why many pidgins and creoles have been a direct offspring of imperialism. The vocabulary often comes from the language of the dominant nation while the grammar comes from the language of the subordinate nation (see Maria Khodorkovsky’s article, “Pidgins and Creoles: The Formation of Nonstandard Language”). A pidgin becomes a creole when it is passed down to the next generation of speakers as their primary language.

Haitian Creole is a mix of French, West African dialects spoken by the slaves whom were brought over to Haiti (formerly Hispaniola), and even some minimal indigenous languages such as Taino. (include chart) From this point on, when I refer to Creole I mean Haitian Creole. Growing up hearing it in my home, I find it to be an amusing and colorful language. Sometimes, I feel as if Creole words and phrases capture an idea or emotion better than English does.

To anyone who would wish to learn it, one of the advantages is that one word can be used to mean several things, so you would not have to learn too much vocabulary to express several ideas. For example, whereas in English we have five first person singular pronouns (I, me, my, mine, myself), in Creole these are all expressed with the same word: mwen (aside from myself, which would be tet mwen). In a similar manner, verbs do not have to be conjugated in Creole the way they often are in other languages. In English, the verb “to eat” changes depending on who is the subject (either adding or dropping an ‘s’) but in Creole it is always the same: mwen manje, ou manje, li manje, etc.

On the flip side, I would say that the hardest part is the pronunciation. There are many sounds in Creole that are akin to French and West African dialects, so if you speak any of these languages you would have an advantage. Certain consonant sounds are brought together in ways you would not hear so much in English. For example, consider the word dlo (water) which derives from the French de l’eau (some water, or of water). It might be hard for an American English speaker to say this because no English words, from what I know, ever start with that dl- combination. You might find it in the middle of a word, like medley. But even then, most of us would say the word like “med-lee,” not “meh-dlee.” A lot of beginners (including myself when I was younger) pronounce dlo like the English “glow” for this reason; gl- is more natural to the tongue.

The ‘r’ in Creole is also tricky. For untrained ears it is sometimes just barely audible, like in the word drapo (from drapeau meaning flag). This ‘r’ is pronounced more in the back of your throat, unlike a “Spanish r,” for instance, which is more toward the front of your mouth, using the tip of your tongue. In other Creole words, the ‘r’ more closely resembles an English ‘w,’ especially at the beginning of the word. The word roch (rock, stone) would sound most like “wush” (rhyming with brush).

I hope this article helped you to learn more about Haitian Creole, and made it clear to you that it is indeed a formal language. I encourage you to do your own research, indulge in Haitian culture (especially the food) and learn a few words. You never know when it might come in handy.  Mesi anpil! (Thank you very much!)

Sites to consider:

Virtues from Motherhood: Thank you Mom

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A decade ago I was 17, rebellious and determined to do everything my parents (really my mom) did not want me doing. I was hell bent on being everything that pushed their buttons and made their hair grey. A decade later I’m at dinner with my mom and some of our co-workers. Our co-workers remember me before I was a polished office manager and adult, they remember the days my mom was running out of work to come find me or clean up whatever mess I was making that week. They remember a time where my mom was crying because I was running my life into the ground, and not because I was making her laugh at the dinner table.

I spent most of my adolescence running from her and from everything she was (and is I suppose) but the older I get the more I realize we carry many of the same traits. Nothing makes this more apparent to me then the way our co-workers compare us. Before my mom took her current job, her and I were both office managers. We both ran offices and attended the same meetings and met the same deadlines. Though we never worked together the people who work with us have seen both of us in action. So when someone says “you’re just like your mom” I used to cringe, but now I smile because her traits have enabled me to excel to the levels I have now. Her leadership has been embedded in me since I was a child, but as a teenager I was running wild with it, rather than building a future for myself.

Why am I taking this trip down memory lane? Well two reasons, not everyone has their mother, not everyone has that unconditional love and support of the woman who raised them. Some people have lost their mother both physically and/or emotionally, and I can’t imagine how much that sucks. I also can’t imagine where I would be had my mother not fought so hard to keep me on the right path, and no matter how hard I fought to stray from it, she followed me deep into whatever forest I wanted to explore. The other reason being, I’m glad that i have finally reached a place with my mom where we can go to dinner, where I can talk to her and have conversations and that she is finally proud of me as a person and as a mother.

As you read through this blog post, remember that every mother shows love differently and sadly sometimes not every mom has it in them to be there, but mine does, and I’m thankful. If you have your mom, whether it be upstairs from you or states away, be grateful. And if you don’t have your mom, I am truly sorry, but remember as the child it is not your job, nor is it your responsibility to make her a parent. Remember that no matter where the path may lead you that she does love you, but she might have to do it from afar because she doesn’t know how to express it to you, and that the universe will put people that love you in many other ways in your life, you will never be alone.

Lastly, remember that we are carbon paper to our parents, we are imprints of their qualities both good and bad, yes there are some days I want to rip my eyes out of my head because of my mom, but those days pale in comparison to the days we can go out to dinner together now, because there are far less rip your eyes out days now than when I was a teenager.

A Summer’s Treat

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the outside view of the brooklyn farmacy

Image by: Michelle

If anyone knows me then they will know how thoroughly obsessed I am over ice cream. I am the type of person that will eat ice cream all year round. Ice cream is my ultimate favorite dessert, I appreciate the variance that it can offer as well as the mouthfeel. It is an amazing creation that enables flavors to be so prevalent even in a frozen state. Ice cream reminds me of some of my best memories in life
it takes me back to fun memories in my childhood or great times spent with close friends. But as time evolves, ice cream trends are constantly changing from the simplicity that most of us are readily accustomed to. There is Thai rolled ice cream, liquid nitrogen ice cream, mochi ice cream, and gelato. Overall, the range and variation  in which ice cream is prepared has expanded. The debate about what constitutes as ice cream based on its percentage of fat has also broadened.

a maple flavored egg cream

Image by: Brianna Vasquez

The beautiful thing about New York is that it has so many amazing ice cream places integrated into it but unfortunately many are unknown to others. Personally, I prefer the sanctity of ice cream
the simplicity of traditional styled ice cream. Brooklyn Farmacy and Soda Fountain is located ideally close-by to the college which makes for a great and fun lunch spot. They offer many menu options from soups and sandwiches to egg creams and ice cream sundaes. They even seasonally offer student discounts on meals, desserts, and drinks as long as you have a valid student identification card.

an ice cream sundae

Image by: Brianna Vasquez

Over the summer, I had the greatest opportunity of visiting this awesome restaurant which is a short walk from the school. It looks quite small from the outside but it has a quaint amount of seating inside. The restaurant offers the option to either dine in or to take out…and I decided to dine in since I was strongly looking forward to laying my hands on one of their handcrafted sundaes as well as quenching my thirst with one of their house-made drinks. I had the maple egg cream which was robustly delicious as well as an almond joy styled sundae which was seasonally available when I visited the restaurant. The sundae was absolutely delicious and everything was made in house. The restaurant itself has an old school vibe which is interesting given the modern flavors of ice cream that is offered. I would recommend that everyone try this little ice cream shop that is neatly tucked into the heart of Brooklyn.

Welcome One, Welcome All!

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Photographer: Gennessy Palma

Greetings City Tech! Welcome back to the campus and as we all know It’s that time of year again where classes begin and a new chapter arises from our lives. I’m now a second year student and it feels great coming back to the campus; my first year was a success. At first I was a bit lost and confused as to where I had to go but thankfully with the help of friends and staff I gained more aspects of the school and the environment. With the aid of the SGA or Student Government Association, I was able to find my way around the school and even help in many events such as going to the CUNY Board of Trustees meetings in which we became the voice for many students in the decision of tuition hikes and how it impacts lower and upper class economists.

Within my first year I was also able to help with voter registration with Mayor De Blasio. It was amazing having to see the level of professionalism and superiority SGA had and how responsible they were. I remember attending a meeting in which Lubna and Maria allowed me to attend. They were creating so many plans for the school and finding ways to fix problems people had within the school; that’s what I loved about them, they reached out to so many people.This college is so friendly and the environment here is extremely welcoming; no matter what, there is always a helping hand. There are so many opportunities in the school that you can contribute your time and effort to while being with your peers. Remember you are the author of your own story so make the best of everything and make it count, reach for the skies towards your mighty path of success. I wish everyone a happy first week of classes!

P.S: If you ever need help with something you can always go to The Student Center or go to SGA located at G-400!

-Gennessy Palma

 

 

The New Museum

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Hello CityTech, welcome back to campus! I hope everyone’s summer was as unforgettable as mine was.

Now I return to this semester of blogging with a revised initiative, which is not only tethered to historical forms of architecture within the five boroughs but has been broadened to include both contemporary forms of architecture and art.

Surprisingly, I will start off this semester with a museum that opened its doors to the public for the first time, on December 1, 2007; called The New Museum. The museum was started by woman by the name of Marcia Tucker on January 1, 1977, the small collection was held in The New School for Social Research and the exhibitions were housed there until 1997 when the museum moved to the Astor Building in SoHo (South of Houston). This new location had more space overall, giving the museum a chance to expand. After receiving funding, the New Museum for contemporary art made it’s latest move to its new location on Bowery, which is still in SoHo.

This new building was created by architects, Sanaa. The structure is eight stories high and consists of over fifty thousand square feet of usable space. The eighth floor is designated mechanical space and is not open to the public but the floor below it is the exact opposite. The seventh floor is also called “The Sky Box” since it is paneled with large viewing windows, which frames SoHo like a picturesque landscape. The room is also wrapped with an outside deck which gives the public a quiet urban oasis. From this deck it is easier to see the aluminum facade that webs and weaves around the entire museum making the staggered boxes more cohesive with each other. Further down the building are the exhibits, offices, cafe, and auditorium; each of these spaces occupy the boxes that can be seen from the exterior. The boxes all vary in size which makes each floor have a different ceiling height and method of maneuvering around the large room.

The New Museum only costs $12 for a student to buy a ticket and is well worth the visit. Art enthusiasts, architecture fiends, and those who enjoy a good view, would really enjoy this museum.

Plan your visit here.

How To Save Money Before The Semester Starts!

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Over the summer I contemplated the various methods that I would use to make sure I get the most out of the upcoming semester. Immediately I was consumed with ideas of purchasing a completely new wardrobe such as cute pencil skirts, sneakers and fancy shirts, but then I realized I already had enough clothes. Next, I entertained ideas about buying new lightweight notebooks, or multi-colored pens to take notes with. I even thought about purchasing organizational tools so that I could keep track of my assignments, as well as the various meetings and seminars that require my participation for the duration of the semester.

With the constant stream of new ideas that flowed through my mind, I came to the conclusion that there wasn’t any tool that I could buy that would help me be more successful. Regardless of how many sticky notes I put on a page, or how many highlighters I use in class, my grades are not going to reflect all of the unnecessary things I bought during the summer. My grades will be a reflection of me, and the amount of effort that I put forth to execute each task given to me.

I feel as though students flock to department stores and malls to buy all the latest fashions, and all the new gadgets with hopes that they will have an amazing semester. However, I have learned from experience that in college the best way to succeed during the semester is to preserve as much as possible. Constantly purchasing new products with hopes of a having a fresh start to each semester is not as beneficial as it may seem for a few reasons. The first reason is that by spending a substantial amount of money at the beginning of the semester on unnecessary items, students are limiting how much money they can spend on necessities such as food, and transportation fare throughout the semester. Secondly, students are putting themselves in the position to become dependent on purchasing new things so that they can have a positive mindset about their school work. Becoming dependent on materialistic things to enhance the college experience takes emphasis off the learning aspect, and gives more importance to the vainglorious parts of college.

As a current student I’ve realized that worrying more about what you wear instead of studying your notes from the last class lecture can eventually cause your grade to decline. Lastly, but most importantly purchasing new items each semester will continuously alter the way students absorb information in my opinion.  For example, I require certain things in order to absorb as much information as possible in class. I have trained myself to learn using the following tactics like: dressing comfortably, sitting in the front row of the classroom, taking handwritten notes in a notebook specific for each class, while only using black or blue ink. Imagine if I changed up my whole routine to accommodate new items that I purchased over the summer. I would have to reteach myself how to absorb information, while also finding ways to incorporate these new tools into my daily learning schedule. Ultimately, these new items become more of a hindrance than a benefit because I would have to devote time into learning how to use them, that could actually go to my school work. In retrospect adding new tools into your academic repertoire can be helpful, but in my experience I’ve noticed that less is more, and sticking to a specific routine has produced better results than constantly changing your methods of learning.

My advice for any students looking to be successful this upcoming is to understand the meaning of the saying “Less is more”. Instead of spending large sums of money on new outfits, and gadgets to improve your academic status, save your money and be careful with your time. Focus on making each day a productive one by completing tasks, studying your notes and preparing for the following day in advance. Devote a specific amount of time each day to understanding new concepts, and figuring out what tactics you must use to absorb the necessary information for each class. After you figure out what works best for you, make a conscious effort to be consistent. Don’t give up on yourself when the semester becomes “too difficult”, and you start to feel downtrodden about life. Keep up with your academic life, and do not let your minor effects detour you from your path. College life can be sustainable for any student as long as you set a goal, stick to your routine for success, and omit from your mind the idea that materialistic things are necessary for you to be successful. In the end items of monetary value will not make your grades magically improve, hard work and dedication is the only way to truly achieve academic success. So for all the students who are starting school in the upcoming days, do yourself a favor “Don’t splurge, Preserve!”

Major Key Alert!!

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Welcome to Fall ‘17! Another semester closer to your degree, push through y’all!
I know we’re all anxious to get our syllabi so we can start to map out what our next few months are going to look like. But first I want you to do something really quickly. Find the nearest clock, or your phone, and take note of the time.
Ok.
Now I want you to take the next 5 minutes to think about or write down (I prefer writing) all the things that make you happy and that make you smile. It can be people, places, things, feelings, whatever…go ahead, I’ll be right here.
I hope you did it and didn’t just keep reading to see where this was going lol.
What are some of the things that took over your mind?
Wasn’t it almost like watching a movie?
My 5 minutes consisted of my family, especially my 6-year-old niece Sanaa who gives me my entire LIFE.
I mean honestly look at this face!!!
I thought of a moment last week where she said she can’t wait to go to college so I can “teach her how to get A’s”. *tear*
I thought of my graduation day in the future, my job, my family, music I listened to on the train this morning, my birthday that just passed, all the moments I’ve made my parents proud, my circle of dope friends, and the fact that I was blessed enough to even wake up today. After the Hurricane Harvey devastation in Texas we witnessed over the weekend, it made me happy and grateful to have a comfortable home to return to later.
Every time I take some time out of my day to self reflect, one of the things that makes me happy in my life is my name: Nefertiti. After a lifetime of horrible mispronunciation and butchering (you can only imagine what middle school was like for me lol) I decided to go by my nickname Neffi. Despite the “adjustment” I’m very happy with my name because of the history it holds and the connection I feel to it. Nefertiti, as you may know, was a powerful Egyptian Queen and ironically my zodiac sign is Leo. So that also connects me to the representation of a lioness which is the queen of the jungle.
Having this name has motivated me to hold myself to a certain standard and I feel proud and honored knowing Nefertiti was a queen. My name and the history behind it is a reflection of the high standards my parents had for me while naming me. My mother says my father told her to give me a name that means Queen.They set that intention in me from birth and that plays as a goal setter in my life daily.
Taking time out to recognize things that make us happy and makes us smile usually makes us feel it in that moment. That moment is where we get to re-charge and motivate ourselves. It can be that shift you need at that right time. Right before you took these 5 minutes maybe you were stressed about something, having an off day, not in the mood, or maybe you just had a lot on your mind. When you start to feel that negative vibe coming on think about times where you almost gave up…what pushed you??
What kept you going?
What motivates you to continue your journey?
Whatever THAT is, that’s your major key. Your “major key” is just what it sounds like..The key to your success. The key to your piece of mind and happiness. The key to you pushing through everyday, especially the hard ones.
As we’re preparing for new challenges that may come with a lot of stress, a heavy workload, time management challenges, long days and sleepless nights; you have to tap into these escapes as often as possible.
Take at least 5 minutes daily to reflect and appreciate yourselves and the things that keep you going. Yes this class or new responsibility may be the death of you but look how far you’ve come. Acknowledge your potential and what you’re capable of. Look at what you’ve accomplished so far, helloooo you got this 🙂
Elevate your mood, elevate your life.

 

Watch Your Mouth

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by Robine Jean-Pierre a "no cursing" sign on a post outdoors

We know what “curse words,” “cuss words,” or “swear words” are when we hear them. While some people reserve them for when they are angry, others just slip them into casual conversation, often without being completely aware of it. In spite of this, I would argue that most of us, if not all, know deep down that using these words is wrong. Or is it?

Some would argue that curse words are “just words.” Following the old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” it is reasonable to propose that words in themselves do not have much power; they are simply abstract thoughts attached to sounds our throats and mouths make, or a collection of characters scrawled or typed on a page.

Others would probably say, “Well yeah, once upon a time those words meant something, but now the definitions have changed, so it doesn’t matter.”  Words change meaning and connotation all the time, sometimes from bad to good or vice versa. The word “fa**ot,” for instance, at one point meant a bundle of sticks, but today it is most often used as an insult hurled at homosexual individuals.

I am of the strong opinion that if a word is or has been recognized as a curse word, we should leave it that way. There is no use trying to reclaim, repurpose, or redefine a word when the better option would be to refuse it altogether. Take the “n-word,” for instance. If it started off as a derogatory, dehumanizing word to describe Black slaves (and eventually their non-slave descendants), I do not agree with Black men calling each other that, putting it in the same category as “friend,” “brother” or “homie”; it just seems foolish and backwards. To make things more complicated, the reclaimed word is not even limited to Black culture anymore; I have seen a Latino boy call his younger brother that, and Asian friends call each other that, just to point out a few examples. Why has a word with such a haunting past now pervaded popular culture?

The bottom line is that I do not believe it’s right to curse, yet I admit that lately, even I do. This is due, in part, to spending a lot of time around fellow college students, many of whom do not share the same convictions or inhibitions as me. While I do not use these words in conversation, I do mutter them under my breath, or scream them in my head when provoked by a disgruntling situation. Sometimes I am not even that upset; it could be something small like not knowing where I put my glasses, or my phone acting up, and I ask myself, “Where are my [bleeping] glasses?” or say, “This stupid piece of [bleep].” The worst part is–I can’t lie–I do get a temporary sense of relief and empowerment when I use these words; it’s as if I can feel the steam being released from my ears.

However, even if that’s the case, then I have to ask myself, why use a negative outlet for my anger when I could use a positive one, one that would add to my overall self-image and wellbeing, rather than take away from it?

I am always reminded of an episode of SpongeBob Squarepants in which Patrick referred to the curse words that SpongeBob recently learned as “sentence enhancers.” On the contrary, I feel that curse words cheapen conversation and weaken the integrity of the sentence that was just spoken. Even some of my professors curse, and while they probably do this to appear relatable, comfortable, or demonstrate that “we are all adults here,” instead it just shows a lack of respect on the part of the speaker for whoever hears them. I am grateful for my engineering drawing professor who made it a policy for us not to curse in class; this was one of the ways he advocated for a professional environment in which we all treated each other with respect.

Perhaps, as in many cases, the problem is not the words we use per se. The problem is that we often give ourselves up to self-deprecating behavior. We look for the easy, sleazy, instantly gratifying ways to express ourselves instead of the wholesome, worthwhile, thoughtful ways. Just imagine an employee who does not get the promotion she was hoping for. Instead of releasing the frustration through something she loves, like bike riding or painting, she chooses to drown out her problems by getting drunk that night, and lashes out at her husband. This is a disheartening but very common story.

And unfortunately, many of us have not been taught alternatives. Often times, our bad habits are learned behaviors, and our family and friends make the best teachers. To give one example, how many times does an abusive parent breed a child who grows up to become an abusive spouse? For both the parent and child, violence is the only way they know to dispose of anger and rejection, rather than through hobbies, counseling, sports, etc.

To make matters worse, we then paint the cheaper, detrimental mode of expression as better because we are afraid to want better for ourselves. To bring it back to the subject of cursing, if we do not curse or are not O.K. with having a friend call us the “b-word,” we fear being labeled as a “goody-two shoes” or a self-righteous prude. It’s easy to curse because “everyone else is doing it” or “it’s just words” but the reality is, when we do, we prove that we have a limited vocabulary and an even more limited view of ourselves and others.

We can keep ourselves in check by asking questions like: “How would I feel if I heard my (future) children use those words? How would my grandmother react to it? Would I expect my prospective boss to hire me if I used those words during the interview?” Sure, these are generalized questions; some people work in an environment that is not as strict, and some people have parents and/or children who curse along with them–but I hope you get the point.

Substituting curse words with sound-alike euphemisms is not a long-term solution, but it is a decent place to start. Wean yourself off of F-bombs with “fudge” or “freak,” but as I said earlier, the words in themselves are not the heart of the problem; they are the just the symptom.  If you feel like it is acceptable to hurl demeaning insults at someone because he took a parking space (or seat on the train) before you did, then the problem is that you do not value and respect people as much as you should.

Furthermore, do you realize that you can damage someone’s psyche without ever letting a curse word escape your lips? Whether you vocalize those emotions or keep them inside, whether you express them with curse words or with scholarly, ostentatious words, your hatred toward someone is just as dangerous and real, and it needs to be handled in a healthy way.

So, I encourage you to find healthy ways to express your emotions, whether joy, lovesickness, pain, or anger. Find what you are passionate about and pursue it. Think before you speak and act. As with any negative habit, it may take Proverbs 18:21 written in artistic forma lot of time and determination to break it, but if you watch your mouth, I guarantee that the results will be sweet.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21a, The Holy Bible)