By Robine Jean-Pierre
Iāve been reading this book inconsistently for quite some time now. My fiancĆ© Angel read it first, and then he bought a copy for me. He knew that the knowledge inside would have a profoundly positive impact on my life, starting with my self-image. The book is called What to Say When You Talk to Your Self by Dr. Shad Helmstetter, and I may have briefly mentioned it in previous blog posts. With the support of research in neuroscience, the author asserts that the way our brains are wired plays a huge role in determining our success. The primary way to shape our brains (meaning our beliefs, attitudes, feelings, and behavior, successively) is through self-talk.
This does not have to mean literally having conversations with yourself in the mirror or out in public; it has more to do with the things you say about yourself, whether out loud or in your own mind. What you constantly say to or about yourself, you will come to accept and believe, whether it is true or false, good or bad.
Dr. Helmstetter explains that there are five levels of self-talk. Each will be explained in my own words below.
1. The Level of Negative Acceptance
This level consists of statements that start with āI canāt…ā āI wish I could…ā āI donāt…ā and āIām too…ā just to name a few. People say things like āI canāt remember namesā because maybe they had one bad experience and forgot someoneās name. They say it constantly because they believe it, but they believe it because they say it constantly. Even if they did want to be good at remembering names, this change would not happen instantly.
When you keep feeding your brain negative directions (āRobine, keep forgetting names since you canāt remember themā) it will follow them indefinitely. Thatās why Dr. Helmstetter says this level of self-talk āis the lowest, least beneficial levelā that ācripples our best intentions and seduces us into becoming satisfied with mediocrity.ā
2. The Level of Recognition–and Need to Change
āI need to…ā āI ought toā and āI shouldā are examples of ways to start a Level 2 self-talk statement. They may sound useful because we all know that recognizing a problem is the first crucial step in solving it. However, they still fall flat because, on their own, they will not push you to find that solution. The truth is that a statement like āI really should start my homeworkā is an incomplete thought; it is often followed by an unspoken ābutā that connects it back to level 1 self-talk: ā…but I canāt focus (or Iām too lazy).ā Ā Ā Ā
3. The Level of Decision to Change
This is the level where positivity starts to get a foothold. It consists of phrases that begin with āI never…ā and āI no longer…ā When I first read this section, I found this level particularly interesting because of its usefulness in breaking bad habits, but I thought to myself, doesnāt it seem weird to say I never do something, if Iām still currently doing it? Thatās where the question of honesty comes in for me. But again, the brain will accept what itās told frequently enough, whether itās true or false, good or bad.
Using an example from the book, if you are trying to quit smoking, saying āI never smokeā every time you light a cigarette is not necessarily lying; it is better to see it as wilfully reprogramming your brain so that you believe it and eventually act it out. I like the idea of speaking as if the goal you want has already been accomplished; the past has a sense of certainty to it.
4. The Level of the Better You
Dr. Helmstetter describes this as āthe most effective kind of self-talk we can ever use.ā Phrases in this level start with āI amā and end with whatever positive thing you would like to be. If youāre like me, this one might feel uncomfortable at first because you probably arenāt used to it; you might even feel guilty, since it seems too much like boasting or conceit. Fortunately, itās not. It is simply a matter of telling your brain what you want to be, as if it already is the case. Try saying out loud āI am organized. I always get my assignments done on time. I have great memory.ā These instructions to your brain are way more conducive to success than āI canāt stay organized. I wish I could get my assignments done on time. I just canāt remember anything.ā
5. The Level of Universal Affirmation Ā Ā
The statements in this level begin with āit is.ā Dr. Helmstetter doesnāt explain it too much, but he says that this includes āspiritually oriented affirmations.ā These affirmations āspeak of a divine affinity of being that transcends our earthly life and gives greater meaning to our existence.ā They have been used in ancient religions and may resemble a statement such as āI am one with the universe and it is one with me.ā
Getting Started
Dr. Helmstetter recommends replacing levels 1 and 2 with self-talk from levels 3 and 4, as soon as possible. You donāt have to read the whole book to start testing it out. Just know that it takes time and effort to peel back up to years of faulty or undesirable mental programming, in order to replace it with new, positive, healthy programming.
In order to put it to practice right away, here is my personal example of a self-talk program I would like for myself:
I no longer procrastinate. I am organized and focused. I get tasks done on time and I enjoy doing so. I never run away from my responsibilities. When challenges arise, I do whatever it takes to overcome them. Iām positive, enthusiastic, optimistic, and joyful no matter what the circumstances. Ā I am a winner.
All of this information can be found in āChapter Nine: The Five Levels of Self-Talkā in the book. I hope you found this article helpful, and feel free to leave a reply about what you thought.
Special thanks to Angel again for recommending this book to me.
