Tag Archives: mental health

The Language of Self-Talk

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By Robine Jean-Pierre

I’ve been reading this book inconsistently for quite some time now. My fiancé Angel read it first, and then he bought a copy for me. He knew that the knowledge inside would have a profoundly positive impact on my life, starting with my self-image. The book is called What to Say When You Talk to Your Self by Dr. Shad Helmstetter, and I may have briefly mentioned it in previous blog posts. With the support of research in neuroscience, the author asserts that the way our brains are wired plays a huge role in determining our success. The primary way to shape our brains (meaning our beliefs, attitudes, feelings, and behavior, successively) is through self-talk.

This does not have to mean literally having conversations with yourself in the mirror or out in public; it has more to do with the things you say about yourself, whether out loud or in your own mind. What you constantly say to or about yourself, you will come to accept and believe, whether it is true or false, good or bad.

Dr. Helmstetter explains that there are five levels of self-talk. Each will be explained in my own words below.

1. The Level of Negative Acceptance

This level consists of statements that start with “I can’t…” “I wish I could…” “I don’t…” and “I’m too…” just to name a few. People say things like “I can’t remember names” because maybe they had one bad experience and forgot someone’s name. They say it constantly because they believe it, but they believe it because they say it constantly. Even if they did want to be good at remembering names, this change would not happen instantly.

When you keep feeding your brain negative directions (“Robine, keep forgetting names since you can’t remember them”) it will follow them indefinitely. That’s why Dr. Helmstetter says this level of self-talk “is the lowest, least beneficial level” that “cripples our best intentions and seduces us into becoming satisfied with mediocrity.”

2. The Level of Recognition–and Need to Change

“I need to…” “I ought to” and “I should” are examples of ways to start a Level 2 self-talk statement. They may sound useful because we all know that recognizing a problem is the first crucial step in solving it. However, they still fall flat because, on their own, they will not push you to find that solution. The truth is that a statement like “I really should start my homework” is an incomplete thought; it is often followed by an unspoken “but” that connects it back to level 1 self-talk: “…but I can’t focus (or I’m too lazy).”    

3. The Level of Decision to Change

This is the level where positivity starts to get a foothold. It consists of phrases that begin with “I never…” and “I no longer…” When I first read this section, I found this level particularly interesting because of its usefulness in breaking bad habits, but I thought to myself, doesn’t it seem weird to say I never do something, if I’m still currently doing it? That’s where the question of honesty comes in for me. But again, the brain will accept what it’s told frequently enough, whether it’s true or false, good or bad.

Using an example from the book, if you are trying to quit smoking, saying “I never smoke” every time you light a cigarette is not necessarily lying; it is better to see it as wilfully reprogramming your brain so that you believe it and eventually act it out. I like the idea of speaking as if the goal you want has already been accomplished; the past has a sense of certainty to it.

4. The Level of the Better You

Dr. Helmstetter describes this as “the most effective kind of self-talk we can ever use.” Phrases in this level start with “I am” and end with whatever positive thing you would like to be. If you’re like me, this one might feel uncomfortable at first because you probably aren’t used to it; you might even feel guilty, since it seems too much like boasting or conceit. Fortunately, it’s not. It is simply a matter of telling your brain what you want to be, as if it already is the case. Try saying out loud “I am organized. I always get my assignments done on time. I have great memory.” These instructions to your brain are way more conducive to success than “I can’t stay organized. I wish I could get my assignments done on time. I just can’t remember anything.”

5. The Level of Universal Affirmation   

The statements in this level begin with “it is.” Dr. Helmstetter doesn’t explain it too much, but he says that this includes “spiritually oriented affirmations.” These affirmations “speak of a divine affinity of being that transcends our earthly life and gives greater meaning to our existence.” They have been used in ancient religions and may resemble a statement such as “I am one with the universe and it is one with me.”

Getting Started

Dr. Helmstetter recommends replacing levels 1 and 2 with self-talk from levels 3 and 4, as soon as possible. You don’t have to read the whole book to start testing it out. Just know that it takes time and effort to peel back up to years of faulty or undesirable mental programming, in order to replace it with new, positive, healthy programming.

In order to put it to practice right away, here is my personal example of a self-talk program I would like for myself:

I no longer procrastinate. I am organized and focused. I get tasks done on time and I enjoy doing so. I never run away from my responsibilities. When challenges arise, I do whatever it takes to overcome them. I’m positive, enthusiastic, optimistic, and joyful no matter what the circumstances.  I am a winner.

All of this information can be found in “Chapter Nine: The Five Levels of Self-Talk” in the book. I hope you found this article helpful, and feel free to leave a reply about what you thought.

Special thanks to Angel again for recommending this book to me.cover of the book What to Say When You Talk to Your Self

S.O.S.

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By Robine Jean-Pierre

Do you ever feel like you have no one to talk to? That even if someone were there to listen, they just wouldn’t understand?

I have been haunted by this loneliness from time to time, but I know deep down that there is no such thing as “no one to talk to.” It just takes way more effort to reach out to someone than to stay to myself and sulk.

This semester has been getting progressively more difficult. During the past week in particular, I realized that I was operating in “burn-out” mode. My days started early and ended late; I did not sleep as much as I would have liked; assignments were sneaking up on me and piling up. As a result, I was very physically, emotionally and mentally drained.

Who could I reach out to? Although I had so many friends and family around me, it felt as if talking to them would be futile. They all had problems of their own–why sadden them with my sob-stories? And even if they were willing, could they really afford to stop and listen to me? After my bad attitude had ruined one of our evenings together, it became clear to me that even my own fiancĂ©, Angel, could handle only so much of my mess. I spitefully considered never opening up to anyone again–but then, who would that hurt more: me or them?

Fortunately, taking initiative would not have to be my responsibility all the time. My high school friend Erie texted me the other night, just to check up on me. I opened up to her, explaining how alone I felt. I even mentioned that I was considering going to therapy. Her responses were considerate and attentive. She gently chided me for not talking to her about it sooner. Our conversation really alleviated some of my distress.

Two days later, initiating a face-to-face talk with my long-time friend Cassandra was also very helpful. She and I have very similar upbringings and personalities, so she has been like a big sister to me for most of my life. She understood my rambling and personally identified with my conflicts.

People are not perfect, needless to say; even your confidants might miss your call, or misinterpret what you are attempting to express at first. Yet, once they are ready, they are all ears and all heart. They are quick to listen and give you time to breathe before offering their advice.

I am so grateful for all the people who have helped me overcome personal struggles, including family, teachers, friends, and Angel. One single person may not have been available all the time, but collectively, they have generously offered support, wisdom, counsel and love.

The next time I am tempted to shut down and cut myself off from others during a crisis, I will remember that communicating will only help me in the long run, even if it is painful. There is nothing strong about simply hiding weakness; strength is courageously making yourself vulnerable, knowing that none of us can handle this life alone.

Who do you run to when you are in a crisis? Is opening up about personal struggles a challenge for you? Why or why not?

Virtues from Motherhood: Needing Help Will Never Make You Weak

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(Please note this is a sensitive post and one that was hard for me to share. However, in the interest of healing and helping others, I felt like I was finally okay enough to post.)

This summer has been a somewhat rough one for me. While it was nice to relax and not worry about commuting and classes it also gave me time to think, maybe too much. I’ve mentioned my anxiety before and I’ve always kept it relatively low key and under wraps because I felt I could control it. This summer though, I felt that control slip away from me. I was constantly on edge; my thoughts ran wild and I was always in constant fear of something bad happening or coming for me. I couldn’t sleep or focus and I was always on alert. I wrestled with getting help, maybe going to speak to the therapist I’d seen as a teenager but I didn’t want to see someone who might diagnose the old me. I ignored the clear need for me to get help for weeks, until my family left for vacation and I was left alone with my own mind.

I was driving across the Manhattan bridge one day after being out with friends and rolled slowly along the span as traffic inched along, admiring the view and the city I love so much, but then I had a truly frightening thought that appeared out of nowhere. “What’s stopping me from getting out and climbing over the rail?” It was the scariest moment I’d had in a long while because the thought just popped into my mind unprovoked. I looked at the narrow beam as traffic continued to roll on, and it hit me, this is bigger than me now and I’d need to get help to defeat the demons I’ve let live inside me too long.

I never wanted to wonder ever again if anyone would miss me or feel like my own breaths were suffocating me. A day or so later, I had a panic attack that made me feel like I was being swallowed into a black hole and I got my shoes on that instant and went to my doctor. I couldn’t let my daughter see me this way, I couldn’t meet my goals or even watch TV peacefully until I got my anxiety under control.

With my doctors help I’m doing that, but I had to ask for help and I’m sorry I waited for it to explode into a flood of emotions and fears for me to do it. Nevertheless, I am on the mend, every day that passes I’m a little less anxious and feel just a little more in control of who I am. People seem to forget that their mental health is just as, if not more, important than your psychical health because your mind does matter in every sense.

Asking for help to me was always a sign that I was weak that I was little and I was letting anxiety win, but anxiety (like other mental health issues) can’t be defeated alone, you need a net of support to catch you when you’re weak. Friends, family and your medical professionals are those people, seek them out. Lastly, be kind to those you know aren’t okay, and even ones you don’t, because even though you can’t fathom what’s going on in their head, it’s dictating their whole life, and your words matter to them.

If you, or someone you know is struggling here are some resources that can help. Never ignore the signs.

Suicide prevention hotline

Half of us

NYC Mental Health

Virtues from Motherhood: The Mental Health Monsters

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In August artist and Linkin Park front man Chester Bennington took his own life. He like many other immensely talented individuals, was not immune to their own minds and tragically Chester lost his battle, my condolences to him and all those who love him.

Mental health issues have been in the headlines for healthcare, judicial and medical reform for years; it is the animal that everyone can see but everyone is scared to address for fear of waking an untamable beast. Anyone who has gone through a point in their lives when they struggled with depression, anxiety, panic disorders, multiple personalities or any other mental health issue, knows that it is not just about winning a battle, it is a war you fight, in silence, in your own head, every day. Some are lucky, they are able to overcome the obstacle in their minds, they are able to seek help and find a way to manifest and overturn those heavy stones that make it almost impossible to move day in and day out. Others though, they aren’t so lucky and the disease wins, those who take their own lives don’t want to die, they just want to the pain to stop.

In high school, I had a classmate take his own life, he was such a great kid, he was always smiling and laughing and he always wanted to be friendly with everyone. Nobody could believe it when the school told us that he’d passed away. It was then that I realized that you could be trapped in your own mind, with what feels like no way out. I have anxiety, I imagine I’ve probably always had it. In high school, I saw a psychologist once a week, my parents sent me and at the time I just thought they were punishing me but looking back maybe they saw something I couldn’t maybe they knew they could help me by sending me there, I don’t know. At the time, I wasn’t making the best life choices, I was spiraling out of control and I couldn’t seem to get a handle on what I was feeling, I just reacted.

That doctor was the first person who ever suggested that maybe what I was feeling was anxiety, she asked me if I ever felt this way or that way, and a few of them resonated with me but I wasn’t sold on the idea. What could she know about me anyway? My parents hired her, she didn’t know me or what I was about, so I dismissed her and eventually stopped going.

Fast forward years later, I was now a young mother. I was now responsible for a whole other life, not just mine and every single thing I did not only affected me but her too. That was a whole lot of pressure, that I tried to carry in stride, but eventually the thoughts got to me and followed me around. What if I never finished school? What if I was stuck in my parents’ house, what if, what if, what if. The racing thoughts made my stomach drop, I felt like I’d eaten rocks and it drove me to act irrationally. I got academically dismissed because I couldn’t sit still or focus in classes and I missed my finals. It took me years to get my mind in a place where I could get through school, and even now there are days when I don’t want to walk into the classroom.

Today, I still have anxiety and some days it’s quite and other days it’s a roaring noise that deafens me. The weirdest things might trigger my anxiety and I’m not proud to say I’ve just gotten better at hiding it rather than dealing with it. What people don’t understand though, is that sometimes I seem really mean or disconnected with them or a situation and I seem angry, but I’m not and it’s just my anxiety manifesting itself that way. Sometimes a situation makes me anxious, sometimes there are too many people in a room or too many conversations happening at once and it overwhelms me. Some days I have a ridiculous fear that anxiety is just making worse and approaching me just triggers a nasty reaction that I don’t mean to give you. Anxiety is heavy, it’s random and sometimes it hangs around for a few days and makes me want to just lay in bed and avoid people and places. None of it means that I’m mad at anyone, that I’m antisocial or that I’m blowing you off it just means that today my mind got the best of me and I thought myself into a corner that I need space and time to get out of.

Mental health issues are not a joke, and you never know what the people around you are dealing with, so be kind, always. And let the people you love know that you love them because some days the battle they’re fighting might be too large for them to fight alone, they need you. Mental health issues are not a weakness, they are a disease and they are debilitating, so the next time someone asks you for help, listen.

If you, or someone you know is struggling here are some resources that can help. Never ignore the signs.

Suicide prevention hotline

Half of us

NYC Mental Health

The Social Media Rabbit Hole

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I caved last week, and FINALLY became a member of the Tumblr community. Wait, is Tumblr considered so yesterday?
a cartoon blond boy's face

Anyways, while perusing Tumblr, I came across a community called Studyblr. I was fascinated by the aesthetics of each photo that I saw while scrolling: beautiful stationary lined up neatly, planners, stacks of books, an organized desk, laptops, beautifully written study notes, and perfect natural lighting.
Studyblrs are blogs meant to encourage others to develop healthy study habits, promote organizational skills, and even encourage tracking your daily water intake.Yeah, it definitely caught my attention. Did I just stumble upon the holy grail of organization!?

I found myself asking how was I organizing and balancing my stressed out life and wishing my desk at home was neat like the photos I saw on Tumblr. Why couldn’t there be more natural lighting in my room? Why –?

Wait.

These are the moments in which we need to catch ourselves and break from social media. I was beginning to compare myself to people I’ve never met before. I was assuming that they have it all together. For all I know, these bloggers might not even be as organized as they seem.

cartoon of a young girl that says "it may look like I'm doing well and have my life together. I just want you to know... that is a straight up lie."

There’s a big debate in the community as to whether or not Studyblrs are helpful or harmful to ones mental health. Some stating the unrealistic study habits and pressure that’s attached to it.  After watching a variety of Youtubers and reading blogs on the Studyblr community I was able to develop my own opinion about the whole debate:

1) Studyblr photos are beautiful to me! I’m a huge fan of stationary, contrasting colors, and well organized books.

2) They have some amazing tips! But I’m here to keep it real with you. Their study tips are not for everyone, and that’s okay. Everyone learns differently. Rewriting notes in different colors might not be your thing. I had one professor in college introduce me to Gardner’s Multiple Intelligences, and encouraged me to create art in class while she lectured. She knew I had my own style of learning. Read more about Gardner here.

3) You don’t have to do everything a blogger is doing. Be you. That means embracing your uniqueness and doing what’s best for you. Pick and choose what works.

4) Stop comparing yourself to everyone on social media. Be who you are in this very moment. We’re all on a different path in life. Inspired by something or someone? That’s great, but remember learning any new skill takes time. 

5) Comparing yourself to others creates unhappiness, which can lead to stress, and can manifest itself into physical ailments.

Interested in Studyblr?
-Here’s a link to a free planner
-Tutorial on how to setup a bullet journal

Check out the Studyblr community on Tumblr and Youtube. Leave your thoughts about the Studyblr, your own personal study habits, or share a moment you fell down the social media rabbit hole.

-Sarah

Brain food

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Disclaimer: I’ve been evaluated by my physician for any potential food allergies. Please be aware of any food allergies you might have as they can be life-threatning. 

Let’s be honest. Being a student means being on a budget, and when you’re on a budget you tend to buy foods that aren’t exactly keeping you fueled. If we aren’t hydrating and eating the right foods are body begins to experience symptoms such as feeling dizzy, drowsy, headaches, and feeling cranky. I find when I choose to eat unhealthy, I am more prone to feeling irritable, fatigue, and stressed. So what are some foods you can eat that are cheap, won’t burn a hole in your wallet, and keep you energized during that 3-hour lecture?

cartoon of a face and a plate of food

1) Bananas: Grab it and go. Provides a variety of nutrients such as Potassium which helps to regulate your blood pressure. Bananas keep you fuller longer, and are great to relieve crampy muscles.

2) Yogurt: Perfect after a tough workout or a long commute. Yogurt provides B12 which is known to promote healthy brain function. Healthy bacteria found in yogurt helps to keep you, “regular.” Don’t forget the air freshener!

3) Energy Bar: Read the ingredients list carefully. Some bars are better than others, but make sure you’re not allergic to anything listed in the ingredients. These are perfect to keep with you on the go when your stomach suddenly growls in the middle of class or on the train.

4) Overnight Oats: Not a morning person? Prep this the night before so you can just grab and go in the next day. Find a few recipes here. Add your favorite fruits to the mix and you will start your day with a nutrient rich breakfast.

5) Water: HYDRATE! I can’t say this enough. Water helps to flush out toxins, keep you regular, relieve fatigue, and promotes healthy body functions. Signs you’re dehydrated: Thirsty, dry skin, dizziness, dry mouth, ­­­­­

I’m just grazing the surface with these foods. There are countless ways to mix and match your food to not only satisfy those taste buds, but provide you with the energy and nutrients needed to conquer your long days. What are some foods you grab when you’re on the go?

-Sarah