As a Chinese immigrant in the United States, I frequently asked myself which nationality I belong to when people asked me āAre you a citizen?ā Itās inaccurate to identify me as a Chinese-American. In fact, I think I can never be an American. In my mind, America is a good quality sketch White paper on the drawing board. Where Black pencils left marks with different thicknesses. Where other colors seem unnecessary. Where does yellow go? Is it the first light shining in the dark? or is it the unidentified flowers that grow under the rock? Itās still a part of the artwork, a masterpiece that was completed by the artist named āHistory.ā Ā
Who is American?
I think Americans were as diverse as the ingredients that the Chinese put in the hotpot. The hotpot is a pot that is separated in half and contains two flavors, which is called a āYuan Yangā pot ļ¼couples birds often appear togetherļ¼and it also has some connections to America. Every ethnicity that entered America was most likely affected by black or white culture. Therefore, the black or white culture represents the soup base of the hotpot. After every ingredient was cooked by the soup base, they absorb those flavors and become unique, special, and tasty. Those cooked ingredients represent ethnicities that were affected by those cultures.Ā
Ā My standard of being American is to read, think, and write like an American. Also, your nationality must have some sort of connection to American culture. Otherwise, you are just an āalienā with the permanent resident right. The most important standard that you will be considered an American is judged by other people, mostly based on your skin color. I consider myself Chinese. Therefore, I donāt feel sad when people identify me as Chinese, I feel sad for those ABCs. They can only be nationality-American.Ā
During my high school period, I got to know America more in history class. Even though American culture was complex and diverse, it all started and was relevant to two mainstream cultures, Black and White culture. It reminds me of a Chinese taiji circle, one pushes another to create balance. Moreover, there are two dots on each side which are a different color. In my imagination, the black dots on the white side represent the image, characters, and impression that white people made to keep the black race in the āGood Old Days.ā Furthermore, the white dots on the black side represent kind white folks, who really tried to stop slavery and help the situation. The impact and power that resulted in slavery do not exist anymore, but there are still conflicts and discrimination between the two races. I live in a place influenced by two races.
Between the two worlds, there are still some connections. From Hot pots to society, and history to Taiji. Then from Chinese to American.
FAN: you write with great thought and your imagery is beautiful! You are good at coming up at ideas to write. I copy your piece here and show some interjected comments in brackets:
YOU WRITE:
As a Chinese immigrant in the United States, I frequently asked myself which nationality I belong to when people asked me āAre you a citizen?ā Itās inaccurate to identify me as a Chinese-American. In fact, I think I can never be an American. In my mind, America is a good quality sketch White paper on the drawing board. Where Black pencils left marks with different thicknesses. Where other colors seem unnecessary. Where does yellow go? Is it the first light shining in the dark? [this is beautiful imagery] or is it the unidentified flowers that grow under the rock? Itās still a part of the artwork, a masterpiece that was completed by the artist named āHistory.ā
Who is American?
I think Americans were as diverse as the ingredients that the Chinese put in the hotpot. The hotpot is a pot that is separated in half and contains two flavors, which is called a āYuan Yangā [yin-yang, correct?] pot ļ¼couples birds often appear togetherļ¼and it also has some connections to America. Every ethnicity that entered America was most likely affected by black or white culture. Therefore, the black or white culture represents the soup base of the hotpot. After every ingredient was cooked by the soup base, they absorb those flavors and become unique, special, and tasty. Those cooked ingredients represent ethnicities that were affected by those cultures.
My standard of being American is to read, think, and write like an American. Also, your nationality must have some sort of connection to American culture. Otherwise, you are just an āalienā with the permanent resident right. The most important standard that you will be considered an American is judged by other people, mostly based on your skin color. I consider myself Chinese. [example of a time that you knew you were Chinese and that this side is so strong you cannot feel American. Was this a memory of exclusion from American society ā or a memory of inclusion with Chinese society even though you are living here in America] Therefore, I donāt feel sad when people identify me as Chinese, I feel sad for those ABCs. They can only be nationality-American. [Well I think you are talking about people like me, Prof Wu. I am actually both cultures. I also feel distinctly Chinese, even though I am very very assimilated into American culture! So actually I donāt feel sad, I feel that I have a rich diverse background. Of course, this dual identity, this life of being between TWO worlds has caused me much struggle in my lfeā¦.that is what you need to show here: Your struggle of being between two worlds.]
During my high school period, I got to know America more in history class. Even though American culture was complex and diverse, it all started and was relevant to two mainstream cultures, Black and White culture. It reminds me of a Chinese taiji circle, one pushes another to create balance. Moreover, there are two dots on each side which are a different color. In my imagination, the black dots on the white side represent the image, characters, and impression that white people made to keep the black race in the āGood Old Days.ā Furthermore, the white dots on the black side represent kind white folks, who really tried to stop slavery and help the situation. The impact and power that resulted in slavery do not exist anymore, but there are still conflicts and discrimination between the two races. I live in a place influenced by two races. [So clarify: Arenāt these other people of color whose family heritage is from another countries, like Chinese, Hispanic ā part of America too?]
Between the two worlds, there are still some connections. From Hot pots to society, and history to Taiji. Then from Chinese to American. [interesting images hereā¦but you only give a few words and you need to develop inorder to show exactly what you mean. More explanation? What is your point here about these two worlds? What is your point about YOU, YOURSELF, FAN struggling BETWEEN TWO WORLDS?]
So: What are the TWO worlds, or TWO identities that are conflicting inside of you? In this piece, you seem to be saying you have only ONE world and that is the Chinese world. You donāt say you feel that you belong to TWO worlds. Clarify. The objective here is to describe a conflict of identities within you. What ways do you feel you are American but that you are locked out. Do you feel that you donāt belong here in America, even though you are AMERICAN by virtue of just living here, by being educated here. Unless you are just a visitor who plans to go back to China. I mean your future children will become Americans and thus you have some American identity that is part of you. Aren’t you a citizen now, or on your way with a green card? So this is an identity that is American. Even if you are not green card holder, you have an American part of your identity.
Are you struggling to find your place in America? TO feel like you belong here? To be a part of the American society and life? Show me that struggle, of being in between TWO worlds.