I used to relate to the phrase “ni de aqui, ni de alla” but as time goes by, I find myself being able to less and less. I struggled between my Mexican self and my American self because I couldn’t understand how I was both and neither one at the same time. I’m “too American” for Mexicans and “too Mexican” for Americans. Growing up in the United States, specifically New York, there have been very few times where I’ve felt like a stranger and like I don’t belong. I grew up surrounded by people from different countries, nationalities, ethnicities, cultures, etc. While growing up as an American, I lost touch with my Mexican side. My family speaks mostly English, my parents have lived here for the majority of their lives, and I’ve never even been to Mexico. All of these things have contributed to me losing touch with the other half of me. When I was in my first two years of high school, I had desperately wanted to connect with that missing side of me. I had made friends from different parts of South America and I saw how much they loved and connected with both their country and culture, it was embarrassing that I couldn’t say the same thing. I felt like I had failed not only my country, but myself too.Â
While I considered on how to fix that broken part of me, whether it was by speaking more Spanish, eating more Mexican food, or consuming more Mexican media, I realized that was never going to fix the issue. Doing all of these things weren’t necessarily helping me become closer to my country or my culture. Instead, I felt as if I was forcing myself to try to become someone I truly wasn’t. I wouldn’t just magically become “more Mexican.” I would never be the person I wanted to be because there are two sides of me and I can’t ignore either one. I don’t need to be identical to Mexican’s who live in Mexico, and I don’t need to be identical to Americans because there is no such thing. I’ve come to realize and accept that I am me, which means I am 100% Mexican and 100% American. Nothing anyone ever does, says, or thinks will change that.
The same issue that you face with your culture and American culture I faced on a smaller scale. When I was younger I was in the process of trying to find out who I am as a person. This meant I had to look past what my family instilled in me and look at how the world molded me as a person. My past experiences turned me into who I am today. This is something I will never change as well.
Jacqueline: YOu need to create some SCENES, with CSD and Dialogue.
Make yoru story come alive.
WHAT TITLE are you thinking of?
I offer some edits:
Needs a title____
I used to relate to the phrase âni de aqui, ni de allaâ but as time goes by, I find myself being able to less and less. I struggled between my Mexican self and my American self because I couldnât understand how I was both and neither one at the same time. Iâm âtoo Americanâ for Mexicans and âtoo Mexicanâ for Americans.
Growing up in the United States, specifically New York, there have been very few times where Iâve felt like a stranger and like I donât belong. I grew up surrounded by people from different countries, nationalities, ethnicities, cultures, etc. While growing up as an American, I lost touch with my Mexican side. My family speaks mostly English, my parents have lived here for the majority of their lives, and Iâve never even been to Mexico.
All of these things have contributed to me losing touch with the other half of me. When I was in my first two years of high school, I had desperately wanted to connect with that missing side of me. I had made friends from different parts of South America and I saw how much they loved and connected with both their country and culture, it was embarrassing that I couldnât say the same thing. {CREATE A SCENE here: DO you have a specific memory of this high school moment. WHAT did you friends do or say to show they loved their homeland country? WHEN did they show this love? SHOW me a time when you saw this love of country. Was it an event, or a food they ate at lunch? Did you visit someoneâs house? WHAT did they wear? HOW did they act? THEN SHOW me HOW you felt? WHAT questions did you ask yourself?} I felt like I had failed not only my country, but myself too.
While I considered on how to fix that broken part of me, whether it was by speaking more Spanish, eating more Mexican food, or consuming more Mexican media, {SHOW me examples of you doing this. Did you start learning to cook Mexican dishes with your aunt? SHOW ME A moment when you tried to be more in touch with Mexican world.}
I realized that was never going to fix the issue. Doing all of these things werenât necessarily helping me become closer to my country or my culture. Instead, I felt as if I was forcing myself to try to become someone I truly wasnât. I wouldnât just magically become âmore Mexican.â
[I have realized that] I would never be the person I wanted to be because there are two sides of me and I canât ignore either one. I donât need to be identical [FAITHFUL, better word?] to Mexicanâs who live in Mexico, and I donât need to be identical to Americans because there is no such thing. Iâve come to realize and accept that I am me, which means I am 100% Mexican and 100% American. Nothing anyone ever does, says, or thinks will change that.
SO WHAT is your solution? How have you adapted to your two identities? Explain how this has shaped who you are today. Can you say that it has effected your education?