I’m an African American male with Haitian heritage and throughout my entire life, I’ve been struggling to find a balance between the two worlds of my American upbringing and my Haitian heritage. So for context, both my parents were originally born in Haiti and immigrated to the US around the 1980s. They eventually met and settled down, having me along with my five older sisters. And as early as I could remember, my parents (mainly my mother) instilled in us a number of Haitian values, though I only now realize how toxic they were. And boy they did not make it easy. For example, it was almost a requirement that you were fluent in Creole in my household.
And my parents would sometimes ignore you if you didn’t respond to them in Creole. My sisters got the hang of it well enough, but I never really caught on, which led to a lack of communication between me and my parents. Sometimes they’d even ridicule and even mock me for not speaking in Creole, which damaged my self-esteem. My parents seemed to resort to mocking and even physical discipline a lot when they were raising me, methods they had inherited from their parents. And don’t even get me started on their educational standards.
When it came to education, my parents were deadset on all of their children succeeding where they failed. This of course meant graduating high school along with college and finding a respectable career that would support us well into our elderly years. Though this is a good standard to have for your children, their ways of encouraging us weren’t the greatest. While most parents would talk and help their children when they struggled or failed with a certain school subject, I was met with ridicule and sometimes physical discipline. I would be called stupid for not meeting their standards and told to figure it out myself, receiving no type of aid from them, though I could equate it to their lacking educational history.
There are plenty of other examples of how my Haitian heritage has impacted me, though it’s too long to list. Let’s just say that I’ve become desensitized to my heritage in a sense and linked a lot of the bad things that happened in my childhood to my Haitian culture. And I was often ridiculed when I made this known to my parents, while my sister was understanding of my standpoint. I used to feel like something was wrong with me when I couldn’t understand creole well or I didn’t like a certain Haitian dish or tradition that was popular amongst my culture. But eventually, I learned that I’m not a slave to my lineage/heritage. It’s okay for me to not like these things and for me to not like or conform to the ideologies of my parents.
I can be my own person and that person just so happens to be more American than Haitian. American culture has given me a lot of the things I enjoy such as diverse food, various pets, video games, comics and etc. I’m just more in tune with American culture compared to Haitian culture, since it had more of a positive influence on me.
* I apologize for rambling on. I know this was only supposed to be two paragraphs, but I just started writing and the words continued to spill out on their own.
Title: Coming to terms with my American self.
I’m an African American male with Haitian heritage and throughout my entire life, I’ve been struggling to find a balance between the two worlds of my American upbringing and my Haitian heritage. So for context, both my parents were originally born in Haiti and immigrated to the US around the 1980s. They eventually met and settled down, having me along with my five older sisters. And as early as I could remember, my parents (mainly my mother) instilled in us a number of Haitian values, though I only now realize how toxic they were. And boy they did not make it easy. For example, it was almost a requirement that you were fluent in Creole in my household.
And my parents would sometimes ignore you if you didn’t respond to them in Creole. My sisters got the hang of it well enough, but I never really caught on, which led to a lack of communication between me and my parents. Sometimes they’d even ridicule and even mock me for not speaking in Creole, which damaged my self-esteem. My parents seemed to resort to mocking and even physical discipline a lot when they were raising me, methods they had inherited from their parents. And don’t even get me started on their educational standards.
[Wow difficult situation for you. CREATE a SCENE here. You tell me a lot above, but now SHOW me with the exact hurtful words, the “ridicule” from your parents and sisters. Show me what you said and how they “mocked” you. SHOW ME: WHERE were you in the kitchen? Watching tv in the living room? TAKE ME THERE TO THE PLACE WHERE THIS HAPPENED. HOW did you feel? WHAT were your inner thoughts of pain? I am curious to know: Was there any family member who felt your pain, who showed sympathy?
When it came to education, my parents were deadset on all of their children succeeding where they failed. This of course meant graduating high school along with college and finding a respectable career that would support us well into our elderly years. Though this is a good standard to have for your children, their ways of encouraging us weren’t the greatest. While most parents would talk and help their children when they struggled or failed with a certain school subject, I was met with ridicule and sometimes physical discipline. I would be called stupid for not meeting their standards and told to figure it out myself, receiving no type of aid from them, though I could equate it to their lacking educational history. [Richard, I feel for you. Maybe they didn’t realize this was not the best way, your parents did create pain for you: Can you show me a few details of the “educational standards” they exacted upon you as a young student? What age? What expectations? What did they say? Show me your parents saying “stupid” to you so I, the reader can feel your pain and humiliation. What age were you? Did they take away your games, toys, etc. What was the Haitian traditional way in y our family? Did they talk to you about the report card? SHOW me with a scene from your memory.]
There are plenty of other examples of how my Haitian heritage has impacted me, though it’s too long to list. Let’s just say that I’ve become desensitized to my heritage in a sense and linked a lot of the bad things that happened in my childhood to my Haitian culture. And I was often ridiculed when I made this known to my parents, while my sister was understanding of my standpoint. I used to feel like something was wrong with me when I couldn’t understand creole well or I didn’t like a certain Haitian dish or tradition that was popular amongst my culture. But eventually, I learned that I’m not a slave to my lineage/heritage. It’s okay for me to not like these things and for me to not like or conform to the ideologies of my parents.
I can be my own person and that person just so happens to be more American than Haitian. American culture has given me a lot of the things I enjoy such as diverse food, various pets, video games, comics and etc. I’m just more in tune with American culture compared to Haitian culture, since it had more of a positive influence on me.
[Wow strong language: “I’m not a slave to…” Although I do agree with your resolution—Have you changed on your perspective to your Haitian heritage? Any positive changes in your understanding now that you are older? Not to make you feel guilty at all. OR — Do you feel strongly and more certain in your identity as American — that you are AMERICAN. What does it mean to be fully American and what do you think of American culture – Have you found America to be accepting of you as a Haitian American OR maybe better as an AMERICAN? What does that say about America and the way you have found to fit in with your home Hatian influenced life and your American life?]
Maybe SHOW me a moment when you realize you are American period.
* I apologize for rambling on. I know this was only supposed to be two paragraphs, but I just started writing and the words continued to spill out on their own. – NO WORRIES. IT’s always better to have more ideas than fewer. You can always pare it down! I appreciate your sharing all this personal history. NOW Make your story come alive so I can feel pain and triumph of your realizing you are AMERICAN period. I myself question whether I should just call myself “American.” Although I am 100% Chinese by ancestor lineage, I am 100% American by culture. I am truly more American. I could create a Scene of the summer 2017 when I taught in China and I asked students if they believed me to be Chinese or American. They all said “You are American, Professor Wu!”
I feel the same way about my parents because they’re both toxic, especially my dad and I know it could be difficult. After reading about your story I’m glad that you were able to be your own person.