Between Two Worlds-Devin T.

I really didnā€™t want to write about this due to it being a bit clichĆØ and personal. Iā€™m the type of guy that likes to keep things private so when the prompt i was like ā€aw f***k,reallyā€ because I also couldnā€™t think of what to write about exactly till just now,10:14. Cutting it real close. The only time that i can remember REALLY feeling like I’m stuck in a form of purgatory was when i realized i was gay in my sophomore year of high school. Growing up id always heard how its not right or its a sin and my father being disgusted by the lgbtqia+ community.it made it hard to even live or wanna think about anything that wouldn’t be ā€normalā€. But then i realized, I hardly see my family with school, wrestling practice, and hanging out with my friends so I could still be me, just not when Iā€™m homeā€¦

During my junior year I had my first legitimate boyfriend cause the last one was a joke that didnā€™t know what he was doing with his life or with me. We hung out a lot around the school And his house with our friends usually eating or cracking jokes, being kids you know. I would always leave at 6 cause thats when his dad came home and he didnā€™t like people being over. Everyday Iā€™d make that 30 minute trip from the Chelsea district to East Harlem. Walking up the block Iā€™d feel my energy shift to a quiet and moody version of me. I was just a shell of myself when I was home. All I would do was eat, play games, watch tv and maybe sleep waiting till I got to school so I could breath.

1 thought on “Between Two Worlds-Devin T.”

  1. Devin: This is a great beginning. I made some suggestions in brackets:

    Iā€™m the type of guy that likes to keep things private so when my English professor gave the prompt, I {Capital!} i was like ā€aw f***k, really?ā€ I definitely know what it is like to live in two different worlds, but I wasn’t sure I could write about soemthing so personal. And I was worried it might sound a bit cliche. I couldnā€™t think of what to write about exactly till just now, 10:14 PM. Itā€™s due at noon, so itā€™s cutting it real close. {Ilike this beginning}

    The only time that i {CAPITAL I} can remember REALLY feeling like Iā€™m stuck in a form of purgatory was when i realized i was gay in my sophomore year of high school. Growing up id always heard how its not right or its a sin. {STOP, Start new sentence TMI ā€“ Too many Ideas for one sentence} My father was disgusted by the lgbtqia+ {CAPITALS} community. {Canyou give an example of what he says or HOW you know he is not supportive?} it made it hard to even live or wanna think about anything that wouldnā€™t be ā€normalā€. But then i realized, I hardly see my family with school, wrestling practice, and hanging out with my friends so I could still be me, just not when Iā€™m homeā€¦

    During my junior year [of high school?] I had my first legitimate boyfriend cause the last one was a joke that didnā€™t know what he was doing with his life or with me. We {Can you give his name? What age your were? 16? Mark and I hung out a lot around the school and at his house with our friends usually eating or cracking jokes, being kids you know. [HERE CREATE A SCENE of you guys hanging out, saying funny things, just being free and happy and at ease] I would always leave at 6 cause thats when his dad came home and he [WHO: father or Mark?] didnā€™t like people being over.

    Everyday Iā€™d make that 30 minute {subway} trip from the Chelsea district to East Harlem. [Getting out of the subway and] W walking up the block [to my familyā€™s apartment] Iā€™d feel my energy shift to a quiet and moody version of me. I was just a shell of myself when I was home. [Good descriptions here, can you add anything more like this?]. All I would do was eat, play games, watch tv and maybe sleep waiting till I got to school so I could breath [breathE]. Can you describe your home life with family? SHOW a scene with you being moody at home. Watching TV or Game, describe yourself here. Are you still not able to tell your parents about who you are? I feel for you and wonder — How do your resolve this? Are you still currently living in two worlds: At school with friends that you feel comfortable with vs at Home / Family world where you feel not supported or unable to ā€œbreathe.

    Devin ā€“ this is really a deeply moving story of TWO WORLDS. Can you make it more of story with well chosen scenes, dialogue, and good CSD. I think you have the start of a very good story.

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