Once upon a time, I had this friend in middle school and it was a nightmare! I was in the 6th grade and it was the first day of school, I was nervous to meet new people and make new friends. but I came across a girl who seemed genuinely wonderful. we talked about our lives like what have we done in the past and what we plan to do in the future. we also talked about what we have in common with each other. When we had classes together and hung out at lunch, sometimes even outside we would always make each other laugh. but as time went by even years I started to notice some odd behavior from her. she would always constantly talk bad about me and bring me down or when someone complement me she would often disagree with them. At first, I thought she was just joking because we were friends but it got serious. she will say stuff like “You will never get anywhere in life or your nothing without me or I’m better than you at this”. It’d started to bother me and I didn’t know what I wanted to be in the future.
She would always compete with me and compare me to other people as well. From that quote, I was lacking self-confidence, I didn’t do well in school, I would always fail a test, I couldn’t talk to people well and I didn’t eat well. After we graduated from middle school I cut ties with her during the summer. after I completely cut ties with her I realized that I was following the wrong crowd and that my old friend was just an angry person that had suffered a past trauma. and eventually, I turned all that around and I was heading in the right direction of my life by having hanging out with good people and staying in my own lane. I’m very optimistic about the future now.
Rehana: This friend does sound like a nightmare. So glad to hear you have left her [what was her name — important CSD] behind! Can you show me more with CSD and scenes with dialogue. I want to see and hear her mean-ness and mean way of talking to you. I want to hear what you said, or see how you reacted when she treated you badly. THEN can you show me how you have changed?
[Start with quote at top]
“You will never get anywhere in life or your nothing without me or I’m better than you at this.” [. Always ending punctuation goes inside the quotes]
NAME was my best friend. I met her on the first day of 6th grade, [COMMA SPLICE CS error fix by change to PERIOD FULL STOP] I was nervous to meet new people and make new friends. but [when I met NAME], she seemed genuinely wonderful. [CAPITALS!] we talked about our lives like what have we done in the past and what we plan to do in the future. we also talked about what we have in common with each other. When we had classes together and hung out at lunch, sometimes even outside we would always make each other laugh.
but — cut
[However,] as time went by even years I started to notice some odd behavior from her. she would always constantly talk bad[ly] about me and bring me down or when someone [complained about] me she would often disagree with them. [Create a scene here with dialogue to SHOW the reader her mean-ness. What did she say, what did you say, OR if you were unable to answer her, what were your inner thoughts?] At first, I thought she was just joking because we were friends but it got serious. she will say stuff like [often said things like,]
I remember her saying, “You will never get anywhere in life or your nothing without me or I’m better than you at this.” [period inside] It’d started to bother me and [because?] I didn’t know what I wanted to be in the future. [She had such a hold on you? Was she stronger character than you? What did you say, OR What were your inner thoughts when she said that to you?]
She would always compete with me and compare me to other people as well. [GIVE EXAMPLES of what she said or SHOW ME a SCENE and describe what she did to compete and compare. In sports? In making friends? In school work? What was the event, situation, where she shows this mean competitive side? DO you have a best memory of her competitive actions that hurt you?]
[Her words hurt me. At that time,] I was lacking self-confidence, I didn’t do well in school, I would always fail a test, I couldn’t talk to people well and I didn’t eat well. [MORE DESCRIPTION – CSD of your lack of self confidence, your poor performance at school]
After we graduated from middle school I cut ties with her during the summer. HOW did you decided this? Was there an event that caused you to finally see her for the bad friend she really was? CAN YOU SHOW ME THIS SCENE, THIS EVENT? after I completely cut ties with her I realized that I was following the wrong crowd and that my old friend was just an angry person that had suffered a past trauma. I realized that our friendship had been a nightmare!
Eventually, I turned all that around and I was heading in the right direction of my life by having hanging out with good people and staying in my own lane. {MORE CSD about your new perspective and new friends and positive outlook}. I’m very optimistic about the future now.