Writing Task Mentor Quote- Newton

1 thought on “Writing Task Mentor Quote- Newton”

1. “[CAPITAL] You can’t be successful without putting in hard work to achieve your goals.”

   My mother has said this to me plenty of times over the years but I was younger and now that I have had time to really think about those words and what they meant since I am older I have realized that I needed to stop not taking things seriously. She reminds me over the phone, in the kitchen while I am eating, in my bedroom during our late night talks; pretty much whenever possible.

   Her words hit the most when covid first started I was in 11th grade, I was struggling to deal with my classes because online teaching was not enough to get me interested enough to put in effort and the teachers were giving out work every single day and I was struggling to keep up.
   one day I was in my bedroom relaxing when my mother suddenly came into my room with her phone in her hand with my grades on the screen.

   [GOOD NOW — SHOW ME THE DIALOGUE]
   She asked me in a pointed [or agitated or annoyed or WHATEVER but give more detail], “Why aren’t you the work?

   I responded in a complaining [or defensive or WHATEVER voice,] “The work that I am doing right now is difficult and they keep on sending out work which is making it even harder to keep up!”

   She then said, “That is no reason to not do it and if you keep on going down the path, you will be left back. You better stop doing anything that is outside of school and focus on finishing your work!”

   Then she STOMPED [get rid of ‘goes’ and get ACTION WORDS into your description] back to her room. A little while later she comes back to my room and stands in the doorway and asks me, “Do you want to be successful in life?”

   , I respond with of course I want to be successful. She responds with so don’t just give up because its hard you are almost done with high school then you will be one step closer to your goals [fix this RO]. I had heard this plenty of times before and always thought it would work out. [EXPLAIN WHY THIS PARTICULAR TIME YOUR MOTHER SAID THIS FINALLY SUNK IN – HOW DID THESE WORDS COME BACK TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU HAD TO CHANGE???]
   Some time had passed [some background about stopping school and taking a break to work—was this because of the pandemic? Was this because you finished high school as a poor student?]

   and I had graduated from highschool had gotten a job and started going to the gym with my friends. [FIX BIG RO sentence error here:] The only times I would go to the gym is if I had someone with me but this did not last for long time. My friends had started working and were too busy to go with me to the gym. As a result, I had decided I needed to do better and began going to the gym on my own no matter what. It was during this time that I had truly taken heed to my mothers words [GOOD PLACE FOR A SCENE AT THE GYM or WAITING FOR FRIENDS TO CALL TO GO TO GYM — Here can you create a scene of going to the gym and the moment you realized you were hearing your mom’s words in your head? Then you explain the connection to the quote from your mom?].

   Even before all this happened I always hated to ask my parents for things. After I graduated from high school I had felt that a huge weight had been taken off of me and being free of high school helped clear my head a bit. It made it easier to focus on what I wanted to do so I started to put effort into getting what I wanted wether it was strengthening my body or working more hours to get a larger sum of money on my paycheck.

   Doing this over time made me come to the realization that I couldn’t bear to go back to where I was before so I had to try at least to keep up somewhat with the changes that are happening in my life no matter how hard it is and I just have to deal with it and adapt. [I need a clearer explanation of what you have realized about your mom’s words and how it applies to all parts of your life, as you seem to imply]

   I don’t understand the connection between your mother’s words to you (“You can’t be successful without putting in hard work to achieve your goals.”)
   and
   the second part about going to the gym / hating to ask your parents for things / feeling a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. Need some background.

   Overall — I would like to know details about how you were doing poorly high school when you mom said this to you. Were you planning to take a break because school or college did not look like the right next step? You instead got a job. Why had you decided not to go to college. Then, so what brought you back to the academic path. Why have you turned around and decided to go to college? Does your mom’s words have a bearing on this decision? What is the NEW CHANGED you? How have your mom’s words made you change?

   WORK ON: Run-on sentence errors.
   YOU NEED PARAGRAPH BREAKS!!!! – new topic new paragraph – need paragraphs to organize and give structure to your writing – NO ONE WANTS TO READ HUGE BLOCKS OF TEXTS – AND LEAST OF ALL YOUR PROFESSOR!

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