Dear Hiring Manager,
I am an eager, young college student who is looking to get an entry level position at your advertising company. I have seen countless designs produced by your company and they never cease to amaze me. I enjoy your unique style and dedication to whatever you create or promote.
My education is pretty decent grade wise. I graduated from high school in 2010 with a regents diploma. Currently I am in CUNY New York City College of Technology. My major is Communication Design which involves advertising and art related projects. The world of advertising has fascinated me for many years. Whenever a commercial, billboard, poster or magazine ad goes the comedic route it completely draws me in.
As far as experience goes most of mine comes from my time in college. Most of my advertising classes involved me using three pieces of software from the Adobe Creative Suite. They were Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator and Adobe InDesign.
• Reverse Engineer the Letter: Without looking at the job ad/listing, read the letter. Then write down what you think the job ad says—you are reverse engineering the letter/ad by doing this—trying to see if you can figure out the job ad just from the letter.
-Some type of advertising design position in some kind of fashion.
• Read the job ad. Were you close in your reverse engineering attempt? If you were, then the letter probably meets with some of the employer’s needs. If you weren’t, has the author missed understanding the employer’s needs? Or have they just emphasized certain things and overlooked others?
Yes I was close. It is for a home fashion industry.
• Does the letter make the person applying seem like a good applicant; an unappealing applicant; or an outstanding applicant?
-To be honest, I believe that the applicant is unappealing.
• Explain why and how you made the judgment in #3. If the applicant was not an outstanding candidate, explain what you think the author needs to do to get into a higher pile.
1) I don’t like the sentence “My education is pretty decent grade wise”. It just shuts me down as I get to that part. It doesn’t sound right or appealing and professional. You can re-write it into something like “I am a very satisfying student to my grades” or something…
2) “Currently I am in CUNY New York City College of Technology”. I believe a comma after “currently” looks better, and using the word “enrolled” not just “in”. “Currently, I am enrolled in CUNY New York City College of Technology”.
3) Next sentence about major in: it can go another way phrased better. “I am majoring in Communication Design, which involves creating art and advertisement related projects”.
4) I don’t understand the word used “comedic route”. I don’t believe this job has any comedic sense, only serious skilled designers for hire. It draws and stops me wondering what is so funny about their work. I understand the author is talking about the art he passes by might seem comedic if it aims for that route. But the job he is applying for doesn’t make sense to use a humor word in his introduction.
5) I believe the word “mine” means the goldmines. This word does not mean “my”. You cannot use this word referring to something else. This will completely throw off a good English reader. You can use “As far as experience goes, my time in college has helped me become a fascinating well-involved student with a talent” or something….
6) Author should include something like “I hope after the review of my resume I will be grateful to get an interview” … “if you need any further references, don’t hesitate to call or e-mail.
• Is the letter free of spelling, mechanical, and grammar errors? Let the author know about the errors you see.
– I pointed out some of them in the previous questions.