As of right now I am American, American as American can be. If you were to look at me there is only one trait that doesn’t separate me from the rest of my family, my hair (bleach blond dreads). I am a half Jamaican half American male. Even though all of my cousins and my self were born here they all retained there Jamaican roots. From the accent to even the way they dress. But when all the families get together I’m the most American person there. I try to avoid going to party’s with my family because I find my self just sitting there in a corner keeping to my self. I was always the add one out because of this. Normally on holidays the whole family would get together and have are own little banquet, but I would always plead with my mother not to go simply because It was too much of a bother to try and force my self to try fit in and make conversation but she would make me go anyway.
I live in a Jamaican house hold with my parents, but it only feels like that when other members of my family are present. From the way they speak the to food we eat is all very different when its only me. I mean it only makes sense why they would do that, they know me, they know how I would react, they know why I would refuse. It got to the point were you wouldn’t be able to tell where I was from unless I told you. My father is well known around the neighborhood and you would think by relations that popularity would rub off on me since most of my time spent outside was with him. Even though I look like him I could walk outside without anyone even knowing who I was. And since I don’t like attention this was perfect which is the total opposite of a Jamaican person. Its not that I don’t want to be more like my family but rather I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not and learned to live with that.
Justin: Both your free writing tasks are interesting. I think you could potentially link these two up to make a whole essay on your Educational Journey…think about it. THe big thing is you don’t write enough; you don’t develop your ideas thoroughly. Look at the WRITING DEVELOPMENT STRATEGIES Handout.
HERE IS YOUR FREE WRITE with my comments now:
As of right now I am American, American as American can be. If you were to look at me there is only one trait that [connects me to – and cut: doesn’t separate me from] the rest of my family, my hair (bleach blond dreads). I am a half Jamaican half American male. Even though all of my cousins and my self were born here they all retained there Jamaican roots. From the accent to even the way they dress [more description on the way they are more Jamaican]. But when all the families get together I’m the most American person there. I try to avoid going to party’s with my family because I find my self just sitting there in a corner keeping to my self. [more description here. Good place to create a scene of a family gathering, a “banquet” scene as you say – can you dig in your memory for a special gathering that shows you APART from the others – describe in detail: when? Where? Who was there? Show your family being more Jamaican: food, dress, accent. Re-create with letters what the Jamaican accent sounds like. Then show the way you look– ok your dreads are Jamaican, but they way you act and talk or any aspect of your attitude to show your “American”-ness. Show how you interact with uncles, cousins, other relatives. Let the reader see, hear, and feel the difference and the awkwardness or tension, if that is what you feel.] I was always the add [ODD] one out because of this [yes, show the “oddball” quality in you]. Normally on holidays the whole family would get together and have are own little banquet, but I would always plead with my mother not to go simply because It was too much of a bother to try and force my self to try fit in and make conversation but she would make me go anyway.
I live in a Jamaican house hold with my parents, but it only feels like that when other members of my family are present. From the way they speak the to food we eat is all very different [yeah – so SHOW me, don’t just tell me] when its only me. I mean it only makes sense why they would do that, they know me, they know how I would react, they know why I would refuse [not clear what you mean here]. It got to the point were you wouldn’t be able to tell where I was from unless I told you. [again need clarification]
My father is well known around the neighborhood and you would think by relations that popularity would rub off on me since most of my time spent outside was with him. Even though I look like him I could walk outside without anyone even knowing who I was. [what is your point about your father here? This paragraph focus on your dad — is he popular? — describe the way he walks, or behaves in the neighborhood – the way a Jamaican person “likes attention” your words. YOu can combine with Mentor Q free write — the way your dad wanted you to compete…were you rebelling? Is your Americanness a rebellion?] And since I don’t like attention this was perfect which is the total opposite of a Jamaican person.
[New Paragraph] Its not that I don’t want to be more like my family but rather I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not and learned to live with that. [Explain more, reflect, analyze here. What is your message about this inner struggle? How has this inner struggle influenced who you are as a person, a student? How has this struggle influenced you as you journey through life. What have you learned about what is essential to being YOU?]
QUESTION TYING YOUR TWO FREE WRITES ON MENTOR QUOTE AND BETWEEN TWO WORLDS: I feel like there is something about your relationship to your dad that is important in your writing. DOes he represent Jamaican culture to you? Does he believe in your better self, that part that is NOT lazy? How has the Jamaican-ness of your dad and your family pushed you away and how is this complex dual identity Jamaica and America influenced the person, the student you are now or the person you want to be?
REMEMBER: Your goal is to show how a particular aspect of your educational experience shaped you to become who you are today. Choose a single transformative event or memory or a set of transformative events or memories that influenced you.