Not being able to see the people you want to see is hard. all of my classmates, the rest of my family, and my partner were all people I could not see in person for the first chaotic months of the pandemic. Adjusting to this change was hard, since the household I was in was a stressful one, and seeing the same faces everyday was not a fun experience, except for the very smushed face of my pug, Milo. What was hardest for me was the constant feeling of being closed in. For an extended period of time, being forced to be an introvert made me fall in love with the lifestyle even more. with that being said, even to this day its hard for me to enjoy the outside world, and socializing with others. Over the time in the pandemic, i’ve grown a thick shell around myself that keeps me from the crowds, and can leave me lonely in the most filled rooms.
After growing this shell, I realized something else about the nature of it. not only was it keeping me from others, it made me feel less than I ever had. I find this to be a good thing, and I tell myself that i’m a stronger person now because of it. for the lack of a better term, i’ve gained a resilience, an unwavering resolve to people who are negative towards me. every day I try to make moves to be more social and open with people I meet, and to remove the negative traits from myself. I have the willpower to get me where i’m going, but now I need the patience and tolerance that comes with meeting new people. I even started to meditate, which I learned i’m good at in the moments I truly need/want to be.
From the first paragraph, I notice that you got a pug named Milo, I know how you felt because we have been in the same situation. You said that COVID forces an introverted person like you to form a thick shell, which makes you feel lonely in the most filled rooms. I used to be an introverted person, I don’t speak a lot, so I can’t express myself, and because I am Asian people often don’t speak to me because they think I can’t speak English, but I do. So there is no need for you to be an introverted person, you got the western look, you grow up in New York, you understand English better than me, nothing to be afraid of. Trust me, it will help you in many ways if you change your personality to extraversion, it will take some time but definitely not a hard thing to do. Also, here is my suggestion towards the negative people that you can’t avoid encountering. I met a lot of these kinds of people, say bad things to you, drag you down from your goals. You have to remember the kindness inside your heart, don’t be influence by those people, treat them introvertly, treat those you considered positive with extraversion, that’s the changes I made.
We actually got the same thoughts, I love the fact that we don’t have to afford the book when I register for courses before I was required to get the book the first day of the class, but now it’s all on the computer. I never felt more relaxed about annotating in PDF files, I can put a definition on a specific word, at the end of each paragraph write what basically happens in my own words on the period. ( I can’t do these on Black Theatre PDF flies, I have to print it out and annotate, that took me a lot of time because I don’t have a printer) That’s what I like about online courses. Of course, there will be some delays between communications, just remember to stay focus on the course. This is the progress heading towards your goal, you just have to be patient and you are doing a very good job, Electrical Engineer.
I know exactly what you mean I had to separate myself from a lot of my friend the majority of them did not think Covid-19 was real. However I did not have to do the same with my family, we basically stayed away from certain friends and we did a lot more stuff together. Being closed in is not good even if you had to stay away from people. You could have went out just to get fresh air or new hobbies you could do at home. We all have to fall down and come back stronger mental toughness will get you far. You are doing the right thing admitting you have something holding you back is the first step to self improvement.
I know exactly what you mean I had to separate myself from a lot of my friend the majority of them did not think Covid-19 was real. However I did not have to do the same with my family, we basically stayed away from certain friends and we did a lot more stuff together. Being closed in is not good even if you had to stay away from people. You could have went out just to get fresh air or new hobbies you could do at home. We all have to fall down and come back stronger mental toughness will get you far. You are doing the right thing admitting you have something holding you back is the first step to self improvement.
You write: “Over the time in the pandemic, i’ve grown a thick shell around myself that keeps me from the crowds, and can leave me lonely in the most filled rooms.” This is a beautiful line. Can you develop this idea and explain more? Does this mean that you are naturally an introvert or that the pandemic has made you become introverted? During this time of pandemic — we are not often in “crowds” or “filled rooms” so what do you mean? If you have “forced” to become introvert what do you now like about this inward way of being?
Most of us have also been forced to turn inward, to our innerselves, to our selves period because we have to be alone more than ever before. Alone in our learning (no classroom friends, no study groups), alone in our pastimes (running and exercising alone or with only computer screen), alone in our meal times (no more restaurants or dinner at friends’ houses). Wow that’s a lot of alone time!
I am sorry to learn that you have experienced people being “negative towards [you]” and that you have had to exert resilience to protect yourself. Is this resilience your ability to bounce back and keep trying to be more social and open to other people? Have you been discouraged from meeting new people because of some negative feelings projected towards you?
YOu have touched upon deep feelings here. I hope you can explain more in future writings and give more concrete details. I want to learn more about you and your ways of coping and being resilient.