A word of warning since this piece of work may be a bit depressing.
“You’re stupid, Richard.”
Such were the words of my mother to my middle school self as she read my report card with an ashamed expression. No encouraging words were offered here, only words of ridicule and degradation. And that wasn’t the only time she’d say those three words, often repeating it through the rest of my middle and high school years along with some other negative phrases. She would such words in other situations aside from educational ones, but they would stick all the same. I could sometimes hear the words repeating in my head and part of me would believe these hurtful words. This was in turn reflected in my school work and my day-to-day life.
I began to lose faith in myself when working on assignments and not turning them in. I believed that my work was unsatisfactory and wasn’t worth getting graded, which impacted my grades harshly. My own mind would work against me sometimes, blocking me from coming to simple conclusions and mocking me for being “stupid” in the process. Thankfully I was able to bounce back and pass with above-average grades, but that echo still haunts me to this day. I still doubt myself when it comes to educational and social situations, which causes me to suffer or miss out on life. I’m personally not doing too well in college right now and I’m fighting to try and change that for the better.
Last year and this new year have actually been eye-openers to the personal history of my mother and have shed some light on her toxic treatment of me. It appears to be a fact that she endured ridicule from her own parents, often mocked when she failed educationally or socially. And while it wasn’t as constant as the ridicule I suffered, it was strong enough to be passed down into her own parenting style. And my mother never had access to any form of treatment that would help her process and heal from this, which she refuses to even try to this day. But thankfully, I’ve recently begun to attend therapy to address the mental and emotional traumas of my upbringing and possibly heal & move on from them.
In my opinion, you are a brave and insightful person for understanding your mother and taking action to overcome it.
I’m glad you overcame that, and that you decided to seek help and support.
RICHARD: Wow – your story really touched me. Thanks for being brave to share this deep emotion here. I myself feel the influence of my parents to this day. And as a mom now I try, but it’s so so hard, to change the way I speak to my own children.
GOOD WRITING: Because you are digging deep, you have the seed of a very moving story here.
A word of warning since this piece of work may be a bit depressing.
“You’re stupid, Richard.”
Such were the words of my mother to my middle school self as she read my report card with an ashamed expression. No encouraging words were offered here, only words of ridicule and degradation. [DETAILS OF THAT MOMENT IN TIME, WHAT GRADES ON THE REPORT CARD/
WHERE WERE YOU — IN THE KITCHEN? SET THE SCENE FOR THFIRST TIME, THIS MOMENT IN YOUR MEMORY WHEN SHE SAID THIS TO YOU] And that wasn’t the only time she’d say those three words, often repeating it through the rest of my middle and high school years along with some other negative phrases. She would such words in other situations aside from educational ones, but they would stick all the same. I could sometimes hear the words repeating in my head and part of me would believe these hurtful words. This was in turn reflected in my school work and my day-to-day life. [SUGGESTION FOR A SCENE OF STRUGGLE IN SCHOOL]
I began to lose faith in myself when working on assignments and not turning them in. I believed that my work was unsatisfactory and wasn’t worth getting graded, which impacted my grades harshly. My own mind would work against me sometimes, blocking me from coming to simple conclusions and mocking me for being “stupid” in the process. [HERE CAN YOU GIVE THAT INNER DIALOGUE – RECREATE A CONVO WITH YOURSELF] Thankfully I was able to bounce back and pass with above-average grades, but that echo still haunts me to this day. I still doubt myself when it comes to educational and social situations, which causes me to suffer or miss out on life. I’m personally not doing too well in college right now and I’m fighting to try and change that for the better. [SUGGESTION FOR POSSIBLE DEVELOPMENT: CAN YOU DESCRIBE WAY YOU ARE CHANGING – CAN YOU CREATE A SCENE OF A MOMENT WHEN YOU ARE ‘FIGHTING” – SHOW THE POSITIVE MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE THAT HAS COME OUT OF YOUR MOM’S HURTUFL COMMENT]
Last year and this new year have actually been eye-openers to the personal history of my mother and have shed some light on her toxic treatment of me. It appears to be a fact that she endured ridicule from her own parents, often mocked when she failed educationally or socially.
[IS THERE A POSITIVE THING THAT HAS COME OUT OF THIS NEW UNDERSTANDING YOU HAVE LEARNED OF YOUR MOM’S LIFE? IS THERE AN IMPROVED MOTHER-SON RELATIONSHIP THAT MOVES YOU FORWARD ON YOUR PATH / DETERMINATIOON TO ACHIEVE IN COLLEGE?] And while it wasn’t as constant as the ridicule I suffered, it was strong enough to be passed down into her own parenting style. And my mother never had access to any form of treatment that would help her process and heal from this, which she refuses to even try to this day. But thankfully, I’ve recently begun to attend therapy to address the mental and emotional traumas of my upbringing and possibly heal & move on from them.