“Sometimes it’s the ones we love that hold us back the most and to move forward…eventually we’ll have to let them go.” This is a quote from the character Hannibal Lector in the show Hannibal to the main character Will Graham. This line always stuck with me whenever I would watch the show, always making me think “what if this is true”, “could it be?”, “how does that even make sense?”, “should I even be focusing on the words of a cannibalistic psychopath?” Eventually as time passed during my high school days I started to really think about this line more and more but believing it. My freshman and sophomore years had been tough with a lot of lost loved ones, failed friendships, and painful betrayals.I stopped wanting to connect with people and make friends.I became very shut off and secluded even while on a wrestling team and almost everyone wanting to talk to me.
My junior year of high school I started to decline into depression and my behavior didn’t always show it as I was the smart troublemaker that fought the system of a public high school always making teachers annoyed with me even though I knew what I was doing in their classes and helping others occasionally. Eventually I got bored with classwork because it felt too easy to me…so I stopped and just continued being that cliche rebellious teenager.My circle grew smaller but the people in it were great and cared for me.I got to thinking about that line again from Hannibal and what the character was like, very manipulative, but caring of some, sick and twisted while also being very sane. It was all just one big contradiction and just sad…why live like that. What’s the point of faking bonds while on the run from police? Why build trust only to break it for a joke and dinner?
I came to the realization that I severely needed to change how I am. Maybe not completely but at least in the aspect of not making connections and having friends. Eventually the anime Fairy Tail came into my life and that was a complete opposite mindset. Majority of the characters believe the people you become close friends with are family and are worth fighting for, or as they put it, living for them. “I am not alone… Everyone’s feelings… They support me… They are what give me the will to stand and fight!” said by Natsu, one of the main main characters. This easily a better way of living than Hannibal’s and I’m so glad I found this show and realized letting go actually isn’t the way to go.
Devin I agree with you wholeheartedly I was going through something similar with not being able to put effort into achieving my goals. It is amazing that you found motivation from tv shows to break out of your habit. This happened to me too but I had taken my advice from my parents and life lessons I had learned on my own. Things like this made me stronger than I was before. Hopefully I can focus on completing my goals.
Travis: I am not sure this really works for the HW task I assigned. Please read the insturctions again and look at student peer posts for this HW. I am hoping for you to show me a conversation with a mentor figure who has changed your life. Can you think instead of “My circle grew smaller but the people in it were great and cared for me.” Who was one of these people who really cared for you and made a difference in your life? Did one of these people say something impactful to you, some thing meaningful that you have carried in your heart all this time.
I completely agree to be hard to understand yourself own self is confusing. Not having any effort to do anything or having the courage to achieve something can become draining.