A turning point in my education/ life was in my senior year of high school, it all started when coronavirus came to action. It was the end of my junior year, I was excited that I was reaching the last year of high school. I thought that coronavirus was gonna be temporary and everything was gonna be put under control by senior year. Sadly that wasn’t the case, I was still doing remote learning and staying home. I’ve grown to hate staying home which part of it became the reason for my downfall during senior year.
It all started when we were all shut down… I was getting used to a routine that was unhealthy for me physically and mentally. Everyday I would stay up late at night, just slowly drown myself in my own dark thoughts. As the days went by I realized that I would slowly give up on myself.. I didn’t really care about anything anymore. I guess I can say that being busy was distracting me from my real problem which was my depression. Only this time covid just made it 10x worse for me, at times I would deny it but when school started it got worse for me because I completely lost interest in participating, going to class and doing my work. I would usually keep an B+ or higher but this time I couldn’t see myself fighting to keep my grades up. This time I realized I couldn’t recover from this at all.
I was in a relationship with someone who was very toxic and mentally abusive to me. That alone took a toll on me as-well because I lost a lot of friends and family. He made me distance myself from the people who loved me the most. Part of it was my fault because I let him get to my head, I let him convince me to distance myself from the world. Every night I would cry about how much I hate him but then I would question myself why do I stay with someone who makes me feel like I am nothing, as if I’m not a person with feelings, I always felt conflicted with myself. The teachers at my school started to notice that everyday I was losing myself and my motivation. The teachers were concerned for my well being but for some odd reason they gave up on me as well. I was alone at that point. I just felt like giving up.
Until one day someone really important to my life told me I needed to get up from my bed, start focusing on getting my grades on point, graduate and do something that would make me happy. That person told me the first thing I needed to do was break up with . I would say that it was one of the hardest things to do because he wouldn’t let me leave. Everyday was a struggle for me. He would say things that would make me want to come back to him, but thank god I had a friend that stopped me. Now that I got that out of the way it was time for me to focus on school.
I would say focusing on school was extremely difficult because my teacher didn’t want to see me succeed anymore. it was like they gave up on me… I mean I understood why they would but I guess I just never expected it. It felt like all my teachers were against me, like they didn’t want me to graduate. Some of my teachers said that in order for me to graduate I would need to get 7 assignments done by the end of the marking period. I felt that it was impossible for me to even finish because the marking period literally ends the next day. Till this day I thank my mom and friend for helping me get through the assignments because I never would have done it if it wasn’t for them. The teachers didn’t expect me to get it done by the next day; they were so shocked that I was determined to do it.
The teachers put in my final grade even though they weren’t great. I was still appreciative that I got a passing grade. Thanks to my really small support system I have, I got to graduate and go to college. Writing about this makes me extremely emotional because I never would have thought I would be here in college writing about a dark time in my life. From this experience I learned that there is hope, there’s always gonna be people who will have your back no matter what. Especially from the ones you least expect. Do I wish that the choices I made before would have been different? To be honest no I don’t because not only did it help me for any future let downs but it taught me to keep on fighting when things get hard, it helped me realize that in life things get tough and you just have to get up! Keep going!.
In conclusion, life will get tough no matter what, it will affect you somehow whether it would affect your relationships or education it will always find a way to mess something up. Although some will say that it’s a bad thing, I find it to be a good thing because not only does it help you humble yourself but it will help you learn from those mistakes that you made, i would call them happy mistakes. You can always grow from the bad experiences, you just have to not let those things get to you. Don’t let your depression take over your daily routines and your motivation, make sure you have a support system even if you feel like you don’t remind yourself that there’s always people out in the world who are going through somethings as well. You are not alone, you can always communicate with someone who is going through similar situations.
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