Reading the new chapters of seventeen to twenty-six we see a new side of D-503 where he is slowly realizing his own emotions for I-330. He is shown to even be unable to control his emotions and slowly let jealousy get to him so much that it shocked him self where he is shown to attack R (Zamayatin pg 144). This really was a shocker for me because up till now he is show to be calm to his emotions where the idea of “we” is more important then the individual. As much as I know he was in love with I-330 it really never occurred to me that he would actually attack him I though he would just walk away or just keep it to himself of how he felt cause we slowly started seeing the distance between the two of them.

We really are able to see how his writing is turning more into his private journal where he is confessing his actual feelings fir like how much he realizes that he loves her he’s given up the relation he has with O-90 and telling every daily detail of his day over talking about One State as a society. Though at the same time you can see the conflict he has over his emotion because he is constantly talking about the benefactor. He is questioning his values as whether loving I-330 is even driving him crazy. Then you also see him talking about the concept of soul which I would say is the debate of his emotions coming through him. She made him realize that she was no longer just a number to him but actually an individual which went against everything he believed in as the individual is look down upon in a society which “we” is the concept and everybody belonged to everyone else which is also why they have that coupon system setup.

My though on these few chapters were they were very confusing such as when he was going through the apartments and the green wall in entry seventeen. It felts as if he was talking about one thing then he jumped to another. Though I would say that the story line is getting better because he is starting to turn more human with his new developed emotions compared to when he just kept talking about One State and his math and geometry logic for comparison to everything else which did get annoying to me. To me it feels as of his world is shattering as he goes through these debates because he is really lost of what he really should believe in ” he is shown to as the question himself of many things in entry twenty-five of “But then who are ‘they’? and who am I? ‘they’, ‘we'” (Zamayatin pg 145-146). You could tell his values are changes and even his priority such as how the society was in a way everything to him to how much I-330 started to mean to him where it was all he could think about.

In these chapters, the entries have progressively become more personal and filled with uncertainty. Unlike the entries in the beginning, which were mainly filled with praise of the One State and facts about the world he lives in, they have now taken a more personal turn. Due to D-503 developing feelings, his entries now have less facts in them, as the world isn’t being seen in an objective light anymore. It is being seen through his own personal perspective, not how everyone should see the One State. “Slowly, softly, I floated down somewhere, my eyes turned dark, I died”. D-503’s entries are becoming more vague and a little harder to understand, as he begins to describe what he feels. Since he himself doesn’t understand feelings or what a soul is, describing it is unknown territory.

D-503 is now facing conflicting feelings about his life. He begins to question things he used to be certain of, and he blames all of it on the soul he was told he developed. When he was walking close to the Green Wall, and sees an animal on the other side, he begins to wonder. “what if he, this yellow eyed creature, in his disorderly , filthy mound of leaves, in his uncomputed life, is happier than we are”. Order and stability is what this society functions on. However, D-503 is now questioning the value of these traits he has lived by all his life. Because of I-330 he has made irrational decisions, which is unheard of. Rationality is valued the most. The One State puts heavy emphasis on math for a reason. There is always only one answer, and there are no unknown variables in their lives, making them question anything. D-503 however, has run into situations he doesn’t understand, and unwanted, unknown variables come up. “Yesterday, at the very moment when I thought that everything was already disentangled, that all the x’s were found, new unknown quantities appeared in my equation”. D-503 doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings, and going through them as rationally as he can helps him.

Despite D-503 repeating how sick he is throughout the entries, he keeps moving back and forth between wanting to be cured, and wanting to be left the way he has become. “Perhaps this discharge has cured me finally of my tormenting soul, and I’ve become again like all of us”. He wants to get rid of his soul so he wont feel pain anymore, but other times he just questions if its his soul that is making him feel this way, and tries to figure it out mathematically.

What frightens D-503 the most is the unknown. Before, everything was already known. There wasn’t anything to think about and no one wondered what tomorrow would bring. It had already been decided. However, after everything came crashing down, everyone began to wonder about the future. “Now and then I see…people tiptoe down the corridor, whispering, what will happen tomorrow? What will I turn into tomorrow?”. Tomorrow is inconceivable if there aren’t any values of the One State holding them down. The unknown is something no one here has ever experienced before, and it frightens them.

What started out as a very strict and studious journal, has now turned into a whirlwind of emotions and feelings. D-305 has taken a very dramatic turn from the character he is presented to us as in the beginning of the book, and now it is like I am reading a completely different story. D-305 has completely given into I-330 and by doing so has broken the mold which society had written out for him. I think this particularly represents how people would naturally react to something new and especially if it really has their attention. D-305 reacts this way because he has never experienced this before, and he doesn’t know how to think rationally about his situation due to the way he has been brought up in the society. At this point in the book, I am really seeing I-330 become the downfall to the story, everything about the current situation just doesn’t seem right to me.

” ‘Good. I promise you: after the holiday, if only…Oh, by the way, how is your Integral doing? I always forget to ask-how soon?’
‘No, what do you mean, ‘if only?’ Again? ‘If only’ what?
But she, already at the door : ‘ You’ll see yourself…’ ” (WE 134)

This quote shows how infatuated D-305 is, he focuses more on her than the actual things that she is saying. He does pick up at the end about her questioning the Integral, but doesn’t pay it as much mind as I believe he should.

We began as a journal to show the way of life in the One State as seen through the eyes of its most prized mathematicians, but in these few chapters, I feel as if it has become a quest for D-503 to find himself. D-503 has developed into a troubled character and it is clear to us the readers that he in unsure of himself and his feelings towards the society. Although he understands the consequences that may happen if the One State were to find out his thoughts and actions, he carries on with caution and uses this “journal” as an escape into his own mind.

We realize that in his eighteenth entry D-503 states “I was alone …. It was essentially an unnatural sight: imagine a human finger cut off the whole, from a hand -a separate human finger, running, stooped and bobbing, up and down, along the glass pavement. I was that finger. And the strangest, the most unnatural thing of all was that the finger had no desire whatever to be on the hand, to be with others [. . .]” (103) D-503 is clearly accepting the fact that he was alone, and wanted to be alone. He had no desire to be a part of this society any more. Is this because he has realized all the restrictions that were put upon the society in order to maintain happiness? Or is it because he longs to find out more about himself and the only way this will ever happen is breaking free from the One State. Either way, we now know D-503 is unhappy in a place he once spoke to highly of and would rather be separate from it; alone.

We’ve also noticed on several occasions that D-503 he sees himself as being sick/ill. I believe he wants to make himself and others think he is sick to sort of compensate for acting or thinking abnormally. He wants to believe that his feelings towards other characters like O-90 and I-330 are not real but effects of this “illness” he has. When in reality, D-503 has grown apart from the One State, mentally. “My dear, you don’t look normal, you look sick – for abnormality and sickness are but the same thing. You are ruining yourself, but no one, no one will tell you that.” (131). Here we have some evidence that this “sickness” is not real. Nothing is wrong with D-503, he is simply growing into his own person, or rather, growing out of the One States’s norm. The One State is covering up his individuality by calling it a sickness. A lie that even D-503 believes; this can be evidence of his loyalty yet to the One State, by believing what he is told with no questions asked, yet.

What I feel makes D-503 human is I-330. She is his weakness and the only way we see happiness in D-503 is when they are together or when he speaks/thinks/writes of her. The journal is meant to speak of the “grandeur” and “extolling” the beauty of the One State but instead D-503 speaks this way of I-330. An example is found when D-503 says “And I am a crystal. I dissolve in her. I feel with utmost clarity how the polished facets that delimit me in space are melting away, away – I vanish, dissolve in her lap, within her, I grow smaller and smaller and at the same time even wider, ever larger, expanding into immensity […] Darling, forgive me! I don’t know – I talk such nonsense, so foolishly. . .” (131-132) This excerpt shows the creative and heartfelt way D-503 writes about I-330, something we have yet to see him do for the One State.