Developing A Soul

In these chapters, the entries have progressively become more personal and filled with uncertainty. Unlike the entries in the beginning, which were mainly filled with praise of the One State and facts about the world he lives in, they have now taken a more personal turn. Due to D-503 developing feelings, his entries now have less facts in them, as the world isn’t being seen in an objective light anymore. It is being seen through his own personal perspective, not how everyone should see the One State. “Slowly, softly, I floated down somewhere, my eyes turned dark, I died”. D-503’s entries are becoming more vague and a little harder to understand, as he begins to describe what he feels. Since he himself doesn’t understand feelings or what a soul is, describing it is unknown territory.

D-503 is now facing conflicting feelings about his life. He begins to question things he used to be certain of, and he blames all of it on the soul he was told he developed. When he was walking close to the Green Wall, and sees an animal on the other side, he begins to wonder. “what if he, this yellow eyed creature, in his disorderly , filthy mound of leaves, in his uncomputed life, is happier than we are”. Order and stability is what this society functions on. However, D-503 is now questioning the value of these traits he has lived by all his life. Because of I-330 he has made irrational decisions, which is unheard of. Rationality is valued the most. The One State puts heavy emphasis on math for a reason. There is always only one answer, and there are no unknown variables in their lives, making them question anything. D-503 however, has run into situations he doesn’t understand, and unwanted, unknown variables come up. “Yesterday, at the very moment when I thought that everything was already disentangled, that all the x’s were found, new unknown quantities appeared in my equation”. D-503 doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings, and going through them as rationally as he can helps him.

Despite D-503 repeating how sick he is throughout the entries, he keeps moving back and forth between wanting to be cured, and wanting to be left the way he has become. “Perhaps this discharge has cured me finally of my tormenting soul, and I’ve become again like all of us”. He wants to get rid of his soul so he wont feel pain anymore, but other times he just questions if its his soul that is making him feel this way, and tries to figure it out mathematically.

What frightens D-503 the most is the unknown. Before, everything was already known. There wasn’t anything to think about and no one wondered what tomorrow would bring. It had already been decided. However, after everything came crashing down, everyone began to wonder about the future. “Now and then I see…people tiptoe down the corridor, whispering, what will happen tomorrow? What will I turn into tomorrow?”. Tomorrow is inconceivable if there aren’t any values of the One State holding them down. The unknown is something no one here has ever experienced before, and it frightens them.


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