Tag Archives: patience

Virtues from Motherhood: The five year plan

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I’m sure we’ve all heard it mentioned before, the five year plan, the map to our future and achieving our goals; but what does it mean? For me that plan has changed, and changed again over the years but nonetheless I kept persisting, and now I’m almost at the finish line to earning my Bachelors degree. When I started college I wanted to be a detective and go into criminal justice, but that goal changed when I had my daughter. I wasn’t sure what else I was passionate about and I wasn’t sure what career I wanted to stake mine and my daughter’s future on so I just focused on earning a living.

At 23, I decided I wanted more and I set my sights on going back to school to earn at least my Associates Degree. I earned my A.A.S in Business but I wasn’t done, I knew I could achieve more, so again I changed the plan. I came to City Tech where I discovered a major that was geared to my original love, writing, and things took off from there. Now I’m a senior blogger with The Buzz and I’m involved in various programs across campus, and I’m proud of myself for it. Despite having changed my plans over and over, I still managed to find success.

I used to be so hung up on numbers, deadlines and ages when certain things had to be completed by, and it ended up hindering my progress and making me stressed out to the point where I got nothing done. I’ve learned as time goes on that everyone has a different path and a different timeline to getting to where they need to be. Some people finish college in four years but take another three to land a job, some graduate in 6 years but jump right into a career. It’s all relative and everything happens in due time. It’s a difficult concept to embrace, I know, but the sooner you do the better you’ll feel.

By the time I walk across the stage at graduation, I will have started college a decade ago, ten years, and for a long time that embarrassed me beyond belief. I was mortified that it took me so long to get it done and that I couldn’t just stick to it. It took me a while to realize it took me so long because in between all those years of college I was living a life, raising my daughter and working full time, and that’s okay. I’m slowly learning to trust the process, because it’s better to do it, and do it right, than rush through it or force it and fail.

It’s hard to imagine my adult life without college in it because all of my 20s have been spent in college and juggling multiple responsibilities at once. I’m excited though, to finally start building and focusing on a career I’ve worked hard for. I’m nervous about finding the right job and spreading my wings but I’m confident that everything will fall into place when it’s meant to. If I could give one bit of advice to myself back when I was 17 I’d say “take a deep breath and swim.” Swim through the rough seas, and the doubt and trust that the currents are taking you where you need to be.

Virtues from Motherhood: You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be

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Have you ever caught your reflection in a passing car or store window? Have you ever gotten lost in thought and wondered how you got where you stand today and think back to those pivotal moments you’re sure changed the course of events in your life? Yeah, me too. It’s crazy to think how quickly we made those choices in the heat of the moment and how big they impacted our lives and I often wonder why I’ve ended up here, am I doing this right? I spent a lot of time micro managing what I did that I forgot to stop and breathe, stop and realize we are exactly where we’re supposed to be at this moment. Sometimes years later we can look back and see why a friendship ended or why we were laid off from a job, because those things ending made room in our lives for bigger and better things.

Too often human beings spend so much of their time banging on closed doors, or weeping outside of them, that they lose the ability to see the colors on the road ahead and life becomes gray. In that gray corridor we tend to lose ourselves in a flurry of “what ifs” and “why me’s” and as hard as it is to do, we have to shut those little voices of doubt down. It isn’t easy, in fact the hardest thing we as human beings have to do is learn to mourn the loss of someone who is still alive, without loosing ourselves in the process. We have to make peace with the fact that everyone we love may not be for us and in the ever revolving sphere that is life, people sometimes go and do not return, and that is okay. When you catch sight of yourself in a store window, instead of noticing what’s missing, I challenge you to notice what’s gained.

Instead of looking down, look up and count the good, instead of saying something has taken you too long to finish credit yourself for finishing at all. Everyone’s clock is different, your 25 is not the same as your moms, your siblings or your best friend’s and to compare and contrast the lives and progress of totally different human beings is counter productive. Count things on a scale that makes sense to your life, you cannot weigh grains of rice on a scale meant to weigh an elephant. Understand that time moves at a pace that is right for you and nobody can tell you that it’s taking you too long to reach a goal or heal a wound, it is your life and as long as you’re trying, you’re progressing.