I chose to talk about a disagreement between me and my best friend.  Before talking about the disagreement I would like you to know about my best friend that I had the disagreement with. It is none other than my own self. I consider my own self as my best friend. Because I believe that it is easier because you just know what to do and what not to do. But I was wrong! Sometimes even when you know yourself more than anyone else, even when you feel like there shouldn’t be any arguments or disagreements because you would normally know what you want and what you don’t want. Even Though I felt the same, I was not able to conclude it the same way.

 My story started on a very chilled morning. It was around the end of fall and the beginning of winter. The wind was taking its pace and it was getting colder from being gloomy. I still go to high school, and I still see the familiar faces of the fellow students and the teachers. It has been 3 years in the same spot. I was going to get out of this never-ending loop soon. But as I was just focusing on being me and kind of just like trying to be average. I saw this girl who caught my attention out of other girls that I have seen or talked to. For some reason this one girl stood out to me the most. Her behavior, her smile, her goofiness, even her presence was so charming, and it was not easy to forget. It felt different. ( umhh… I know it would sound crazy but if you feel any of this just block that person and try never even thinking about it. Because at the end it hurts. And it hurts really bad,). This girl caught all my attention, I started talking with the girl and sort of trying to be near her and make her feel my presence and just give and take hints to go into a relationship. To be honest it felt more than a relationship, it was like I knew her for a long time. It’s like two lost souls came across once again. 

Remember that chilled morning I was talking about? Yeah, it was not just chilled, it was the most important day of my life. After a week of talking and hanging out it was finally that time. It was time to ask her out. But for some reason something was holding me back. I not only liked but loved her at that time. And I was just so eager to express it all to her and just make her believe that I am different from a random average boy who just wants to pass his time with another random average girl. I was ready to show and tell her how important she is to me. But that morning it was time to go to school again. It was 6 am in the morning. I have to catch a bus by 7:30am. I was sleeping in the night, but it just feels like I was thinking about her the whole night. I woke up feeling restless. As the clock ticked forward the nervousness kept getting bigger. It’s 6:45am and I am still in bed thinking whether I should or shouldn’t ask her out. I am imagining what things might go wrong if we get into a relationship and what things might be right. I have infinite reasons for both.  I was having a debate between myself. I was telling myself that I should just go for it since it’s YOLO. It’s better to just take the shot rather than miss it and think about it the rest of my life. But on the other hand, I was not ready. I felt like I was not the correct type she would want. Because of the friends she has they can get out of their house anytime and get back at any time and they have money to spend, and they have things to show off. On the other hand, I was not. I am an Asian. And it is not that easy to walk out of the house like that, not that she was not Asian. She was Asian as well, but her parents cared less than mine. Being the only child in my family my parents cared way too much for me than they should. Which has led me into making disagreements like this before.  But I told myself that I still have to finish studying and it’s not the right time. But at the same time, I wouldn’t want to see her with someone else. I told myself not to fall for her like that, but I didn’t listen to myself. Today as I am talking about the story. I really wish I could let my disagreement win over me. Maybe I would be in a much better palace. But it is all about learning from your mistakes. You don’t stay stuck just because you are not doing good. This relationship was nothing but a hard lesson that has changed me to be a better version of myself but in a wrong way. I wish I let myself lose over my best friend but now I understand how important it is to believe in your gut feelings sometimes. And just listen to it regardless if you want something really bad.