Feedback for Triston Brown (including Monroe’s feedback)

Monroe’s feedback

Triston,

Nice first draft.  There’s several conflicts here, the first of which is balancing sports and academics; and then the second, more fundamental, challenge is struggling with “laziness and procrastination” (as you put it).  I’ve made some notes above where you could expand this draft.  But also consider expanding this essay so that it shows us more about WHY you think you were “lazy” and “procrastinating” too much.  If you were bored in class, SHOW us how/why.  If you were more excited by hanging out with friends, SHOW us how/why.  If you were more excited by football, the internet, whatever, SHOW us more of this so that we can understand better how you found yourself in such a difficult position in high school

Thanks!

M

Feedback for Clemson Brown (including Monroe’s feedback)

My feedback:

Nice draft, Clemson. Some of your language is movingly poetic. As far as your narrative goes, this seems to be an essay about a couple different—although related—issues right now. There is your own experience of depression, which you introduce in the beginning. Then there is your experience of loss which takes place when two celebrities (or well-known people) who you care for take their own lives. I wonder if it’s possible to go back over the essay and do some re-writing so that it’s intentionally focused on one of these issues. If you choose to focus on your own experience of depression, you might want to include more details about how you found yourself feeling so down. I get that the losses of Chester and Etika have something to do with this, but you might want to consider other experiences you had that are relevant as well.

Thanks for this brave work about a very important topic.

–Monroe

Class Cancelled Tomorrow / Make-up Assignment (incl. HW for next Thu)

Hi all,
I apologize but something has come up, and I will be unable to make it to class tomorrow.
In lieu of class, I’d like you to post the following pieces of writing to the blog—just respond to this post.
1. Write a (brief) theory as to why Renee Gladman might have suggested in “Calamities” (starting on p. 49 in packet 1) that she be referred to as an “Eastern-European African-American.”  OR, if you don’t want to do this, write about something else you found interesting in Gladman’s “Calamities.” 🙂
2. 5 vocabulary words from Gladman’s “Calamaties.”  For each word, write your own sentence that shows its meaning.
3. Gladman’s text comes from a book of short prose pieces—some of which are basically short short stories.  All of these pieces begin with the phrase “I began the day…”  This writing strategy—of using a repeating phrase to begin a series of sentences, paragraphs, or sections—is called anaphora.  I want you to try this strategy by writing a paragraph in which all of your sentences begin with the same phrase—a phrase that you want to emphasize.  Your paragraph can be about your Essay 1 topic or something else.
4. In the “Essay 1 Feedback” section, write and post your feedback for Clemson Brown, Triston Brown, and Nazarah Celestine.  These essays should all have been emailed to you.  However, e-mail me if you need an extra copy e-mailed to you.  Come to class prepared to discuss your feedback for these 3 essays. co Write Feedback
HW for next Thursday (no class on Tue 10/1): Read Denis Johnson’s The Largesse of the Sea Maiden (excerpts, p. 41 in Packet 1).  Come to class prepared to discuss how you think Johnson uses voice/tone to create interesting characters (including his first person narrator).  We’ll be talking a bit about developing voice and dialogue in your essays, and Johnson’s work is a great model for how to work with voice and character.
See you next Thursday (10/3),
Monroe

HW for Thu 9/26

  1. Complete today’s feedback for Pamela Alegia, Clemson Brown.
  2. Read Renee Gladman’s “Calamities” (excerpts) in Packet 1 (p. 49).  Notice the way she uses repetition. Look up a photo and bio of Renee Gladman.  Come to class prepared to discuss what you think Gladman is trying to do when she suggests, with a wink, that people think of her as an “Eastern-European African-American.”  Also bring in 1 sentence and 5 vocabulary words.

HW for Tue (9/24)

1. Finish writing up feedback and posting it to the blog for any essays you haven’t yet completed comments for.  This will be the LAST CHANCE to submit late work.
2. Read and print Junot Diaz’ “The Money” ( <– click link).  Come to class prepared to discuss one sentence and 5 vocabulary words from the text.
3. If you haven’t yet, print the following student essays (they should be in your e-mail; if not, email the class list to request a copy): (342) Triston Brown, Nazarah Celestine, Clemson Brown.

HW for Thu 9/19

1. Finish typing and posting to the blog any essay feedback you have not yet posted.  Late posts will not be accepted after this week.  Remember: your participation in providing other writers in the class with feedback is 30% of your grade for this course.
2. Pick one of the “scenes” from Serpell’s text that we discussed in class and write a detailed scene for your own Essay 1 in a similar style.  Come to class on Thursday prepared to share this work.
You can post your scene here or bring it with you to class–either way, just be prepared to share it on Thursday.  Thanks.

HW for Tues (9/17)

In Packet I (not the packet we’ve been reading out of so far), read Namwali Serpell’s “Triptych: Texas Pool Party” (pp. 53-60).  As you read Serpell’s narrative, I want you to think about 2 things: how does Serpell play/experiment with the perspective (and how might you do this in your essay)?  What is the conflict at the center of this narrative—and through what details does Serpell highlight this conflict?

HW for Thu (9/12): Post Responses to Prompts Below

Pick one of the following prompts and write a paragraph response to it (here, on the blog, under this post).
1. In “The Discovery of What it Means to be an American,” James Baldwin mentions the “hidden laws” that govern all communities.  It occurs to me that our class at City Tech constitutes a unique community with its own laws—hidden and not.  It’s still the beginning of the semester and we are in the process of figuring out what these “laws” are—and, more broadly, what the “community” of our class should be like in order to maximize learning.
  Respond below with a description or a list containing descriptions of what you want the “learning community” of our class to be like.  You can (but don’t have to) respond to any of these questions: What will help you learn in this class?  What might prevent you from learning?  What are the “hidden laws” of City Tech?  Are there any “laws” or rules that you think we should uphold in our in-class community?  Be honest!
2. Baldwin’s essay “The Discover of What it Means to be an American” leads us into an “educational experience” he has after he moves to Europe.  This experience leads him to a more complicated understanding of what the word “American” means (and doesn’t mean).  Write about Baldwin’s new understanding of what it means to be an American—and, perhaps more specifically—how living in Europe alters his sense of race and class.  You might also write about an educational experience you had while traveling to (or living in) a different place: how did this experience change your perception of the two places—the one you began in and the one you traveled to?

HW for Tue 9/10 (no class Thu)

Read James Baldwin, “The Discovery of What it Means to Be an American” (pp. 7-10 in Language packet).  Come in prepared to discuss your thoughts on the form/style/craft of one sentence as well as 5 helpful vocabulary words.  

Write a response to the below prompt (on your personal history of your relation to language):

Etel Adnan, “To Write in a Foreign Language”
Re-read excerpts: p. 1—”I was born in Beirut…”—through p. 3—”…French as a commercial language

Discussion Qs
–What “educational experiences’ do we notice?
–How is the influence of colonization on language registered in this essay?
–To what extent and in what ways might we think of English a “colonial” language?
–What do we make of Adnan’s interest in “copying” the language of other Arabic writers?  Is “copying” a viable way to learn? Why/not? In what ways?

Writing Prompt / Freewrite
Begin making an outline (a list) of a 5-10-step history of your own relation to language(s).  Make a list of the experiences whereby your relationship to language—English and/or others—has evolved in some way.

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