17 thoughts on “Feedback for Chris”

  1. When reading your essay, all I could think about was how relatable this learning experience is to all of us. We all have had that one or more project or essay that caused tons of stress and self-doubt. I enjoyed the use of the onomatopoeia in the first sentence of the second paragraph. It showed a shift from a sort of casual setting to an alarming scenario. To give it more power, I would suggest maybe capitalizing all the letters and adding an exclamation point (BOOM!). The only thing I would try to add is some more details. In the beginning of the second paragraph you stated that you already had a topic and started to panic. Tell me about the topic for your capstone and tell me the physical sensations you are feeling through this panic.

  2. Hello Chris, I really enjoyed reading your essay although there were a few things that you could work on. I like how you described how you felt when you finally finished your 10 page essay, it definitely gave the reader a sense of relief which I’m pretty sure you felt. I also admire how you talked about your difficulties with the assignment. What I think you should work on is construction, I feel like you ended some of your paragraphs with incomplete thoughts and you started a new paragraph with the same idea as the previous when you could have simply used a comma or period instead of starting afresh . Lastly I feel like you could’ve went more in depth about the learning experience, I feel like you simply just mentioned it when you could’ve described it

  3. One thing that I liked about this essay was that Its relatable,  I been in the same exact situation plus more. I think it was really good how you had multiple details but you show get more into the details like how one thing lead to the other maybe you can add how you would’ve handed the situation on your own. When you included how you skipped gym period, maybe you can add if there was a decrease in you gym grade due to your absents and maybe that was another thing you had to worry about, but make sure everything is put together and not all over the place. One think that you can improve on is that you can add more to the situation instead up just leaving us hanging with brief explanation get more detailed if you can if its possible

  4. I will try and use the suggestions to make my essays more detailed. I will not leaving certain parts out and make sure I include every detail.

  5. One of the things I liked about your essay was how relatable it is, everyone stresses out and feels the need to give up when things get hard. I applaud your use of the word “boom” in your second paragraph, it helped evoke a little bit of emotion. Moving forward I’d suggest you incorporate more details, by doing so you’ll be able to make your essay more captivating and longer. I think something else that could be helpful is expanding and amplify the emotions you were feeling through this challenge you had to overcome, not just stress but the fear and/or worry that you may have been feeling. For the most part, I enjoyed your essay.

  6. Something I liked about your essay is the way you discussed your journey and how you overcame it. It is also something I’m sure all of us have experienced at one point. Something you can improve on is not being repetitive and possibly re word some of your sentences.

  7. Overall I thought your essay was written well, there were just a few grammatical errors along the way. Your paper was relatable as I too have struggled with papers in the past. But you demonstrated good detail showing your growth from constantly asking your teacher for help to eventually doing the paper on your own and eventually getting a good grade on it.

  8. I enjoyed reading your essay. I liked how throughout your essay you showed you were dedicated to overcome the obstacle presented to you. I like the sound device you used in your second paragraph, it captivated the emotion you were feeling in that moment. Something I think can be helpful is to add how your teacher approached you (second paragraph). By doing so, it can build up anticipation and engage the reader.

  9. Your essay was a very interesting read and it is a very good example of how people handle situations that seem hard or difficult to encounter. There is a lot of pressure when it comes to facing an assignment, and it’s usually intimidating when the deadline is closer than what you thought it would be. For me personally, writing is a hobby, so in terms of essay deadlines, I haven’t had too harsh of an experience when it comes to deadlines. However, I do understand that generally speaking- any assignment that requires a significant amount of preparation and time, can be nerve-racking when the deadline is around the corner.

    Lastly, as much as I enjoy writing because I do think it’s fun, I would be scared of a ten page essay too.

  10. Your essay made me think about one research paper that I had to do similar to your project, I can relate to your story. Also it was very interesting how your teacher helped you. I would like to know more about the project, like put what was the project about.

  11. I really enjoyed reading your essay ! It was relatable as I also had to write a 10 page essay on my senior year in high school about cyber bullying. But, you can add more about your feelings on the essay and how you felt in the end.

  12. I loved they way you allowed readers into your thoughts but you could have expanded more into many moment and added more details.The essay was very relate able .

  13. I really enjoyed reading your essay.  It was relatable as I also had to write a 10 page essay on my senior year in high school about cyber bullying. But, you can add more about your feelings on the essay and how you felt in the end. One think that you can improve on is that you can add more to the situation instead up just leaving us hanging with brief explanation get more detailed if you can if its possible.

  14. I like how you started your essay, I also like how you mentioned how you overcame difficult obstacles without giving up, you should discuss more on how this was a positive impact on your life and how you learned from it. Next time try to focus more on what this experience has taught you rather than explaining it too much, you also need to reword a few sentences.

  15. High school is a difficult journey but it is not impossible. It is a good thing you did not give up and you tried your best to accomplish your goal. I enjoyed your story. You gave a lot of details and expressions about how you felt through out the process. We could put ourselves in your shoes because of your words. One of things you have to work on is do not repeat sentences because you keep repeating the same sentences over and over again.

  16. I enjoyed reading your essay. High school is a challenge you gave a lot of evidence and expressed how you felt about it. I feel like you repeated a lot in your sentences. Other than that just a few grammar mistakes. Overall good essay!

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