15 thoughts on “Feedback for Ijeoma”

  1. Your essay was really interesting because it had lots of details of what the day was like and what different chores you were forced to do while your sibling were all having fun. I also liked how you explained in details how you were outside watching though the glass door and your father came and covered it with a newspaper. I also liked the ending when you started to talk about your imagination and when you said if you lost your imagination you would lose yourself. Somethings to work on is using capital I for when it’s by itself. Another suggestion is using commas in some places because there was a few sentences that were too short

  2. Overall your essay was well written although there were some grammatical errors. There were multiple run on sentences that something that you should watch out for. I do enjoy how detailed you got in your essay and how you expressed your feelings. There were also many short sentences that could have been combined to make a longer sentence that makes it easier for the reader to read your essay.

  3. I enjoyed that you included a lot of information, it was good that you explained how this was an educational experience at the end so readers can understand how you learned. you can improve on the capitalization of your I’s. you can maybe also add how you feel about this situation as you  got older and has it effect you and your dad relationship.

  4. I like how your essay was very detailed and how you mentioned the impact this had on your life and while this wasn’t a positive experience I like how you mentioned how it benefited you today and made you who you are.  even though your essay had a few grammatical errors it was good for the most part

  5. I really like your essay it was very interesting . I like the details because it put a picture in my mind. Your essay made me wonder why your mother was like that just with you and not with your other siblings? Also I would like to know more if your siblings were boys or girls? Something I think you could improve is putting the “I” in capital letter.

  6. I really liked and enjoyed your essay. It provided a lot of details like the weather outside and how you were feelings. I admire the educational experience you displayed because it wasn’t something that was taught to you and it’s something that will always stick with you. Although you had a few grammatical errors here and there, I thought your essay was really good.

  7. I also enjoyed the story telling in it as well, I feel as if you really portrayed your emotions well.   I also liked how you explained in details how you were outside watching though the glass door and your father came and covered it with a newspaper even though your essay had a few grammatical errors it was good for the most part.

  8. I really enjoy reading your essay, because sometimes I have go through this with my family. One thing is next you should be more careful with ‘I’ there lot of time you I in lowercase. Another was it good essay.

  9. I liked the way you put so much attention to details in your essay like the weather and how you included your point of view through your thoughts. You only had a few grammar errors in your essay but overall it was good.

  10. I liked how detailed your essay was. I liked how you added that while you were responsible for doing chores, your younger and older siblings were having fun. You had minor grammatical errors and a couple run on sentences. Maybe, you can elaborate the relationship between you and your parents, so the reader can better understand why you’re being the one responsible for completing the chores. Overall, I really liked your essay.

  11. There were some grammatical errors but overall, the essay was detailed and well thought out. I found your essay relatable in a way because I used to argue with my parents a lot. I feel like you can make this essay better by elaborating on your relationship with your parents and your feelings after what happened. The last paragraph about imagination was creative and inspiring since imaginations can really help through hard times.

  12. You had a really good essay and gave a good description on what was going on. You were specific with the chores you had to do along with giving good details which brought the reader in.

  13. First off, I’d like to say that I am sorry about how you felt but am also happy that your have learned something from it. Feeling trapped inside of your home is all too familiar in my own life. I would get upset that it was suddenly my responsibility to clean someone else’s dishes, however I just grew to accept it. Life is about fighting but also about accepting.

  14. I can connect to your story because i also have to do chores at home and i hate it. It is the most annoying thing ever. But in the long run whatever you are doing is going to help you in the future. I too like to use my imagination to keep me happy and focused on something i want. Your essay was well detailed. Few mistakes here and there but you had grammar.

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