Hi , my name is Frederick Wendell Courvoisier , I am the son of Frederica Brown and George Courvoisier I was born July 6, 1996 at St. Luke’s Roosevelt Hospital in New York City. When I was 2 years old I wanted to learn how to drive a car so my father went and bought me a Ford F-150 truck and I began to drive. By the time I started Kindergarten at P.S 197, I would drive the car to school with my father on the side of me and he would take the car back home.When school was out, I would drive back home. I was a cool kid in the First and Second grade and my grades were good .I received many certificate of perfect attendance, achievement in technology and math. When third grade came around it became a whole new story for me, work started to get a little harder.I was struggling with my school work and I did not pass my ELA standard Test for English and Math. I had to go to summer school, but still did not pass so I repeated the third grade. I bounced back by passing the test, lesson learned. I was able to move into the fourth grade , I was preparing myself to stay focused on the right track .Since then I never had to go to summer school. My teachers would advise me to stay after school to get additional help in subjects that I had problems with. As time went on I graduated from sixth grade P.S197 on the Honor Roll. I started Frederick Douglass Academy in 7th that was the start of Junior High School. It was whole new ball game , I was a new student, had new Teachers and rules and regulations. Getting adjusted was a little hard, but I made. I joined the FDA Harlem Lacrosse Team because one of my teachers stated that it would be a good challenge as well as it help with discipline. I tired out and made the team, As of today I still enjoy playing lacrosse with my friends . I tried out for FDA Football Team and made it for my Senior Year. One of my Favorite classes is Music, I started Samba in the ninth grade until twelve grade. We performed in so many different places including PA, South Street Seaport, Lincoln Center and at FDA .Being apart of the Harlem Samba Band I got the chance to visit Rio DE Janeiro, Brazil and San Pablo for eight days and that was one of the greatest trip ever. I have traveled many places before including my mother’s home town South Carolina ,Knoxville Tennessee, Miami Florida and PA and other local State . I plan to visit my father’s home town which is Haiti. I am a Youth Deacon Baptist House of Prayer 724 Prospect Avenue Rev Irma Jean Pacheco, Pastor. I love to sing Gospel songs one of my favorite Gospel Singers is Lee Williams And the Spirituals QC. On Thanksgiving Day one year my family was invited to Bowery Mission to help out. I enjoyed it so much that my mother decided to give up Thanksgiving dinner at home and give back to those who need help. So for the last five years I’ve donating my time with The Bowery Mission Located on
Huston Street. I also took a part in a program called Harlem Children’s Zone
Which help kids with homework they also offer a summer program camp Which I worked one year. I also took a part in a program called Build-On, it’s a program that help people who need help. senior shopping ,planting and food pantry. So my Goal is to help people in all walks of life after my college years. I’m always dedicated to the things that I love to do if is playing lacrosse, playing football, or even helping in my neighborhood. In addition, I always put my mind to it and I always get it done. When I was a part of BUILDON, When hurricane Sandy hit the city of New York, it devastated me ,because We had a lots of floods’ Building were damaged, and people were without power. A couple days after the event, me and some the volunteers visited the Borough that got hit the most Was Staten Island. I was like wow because the waters mashed the houses bad And most of the communities didn’t have power, food or water. We help out the communities by cleaning up the Street and beaches. Also, we helped to remodel homes for the people who lost it during the hurricane, I remember looking out in the neighborhood and people helping others, that was just amazing. We came back to Manhattan and cleaned up some of our communities,we helped those who were in the need.
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I felt as though I kept getting lost with run on sentences and many pauses for a breath. There should be no reason to have this many commas for the same topic. When using a comma you are either taking a mini breath to your writing, or you creating a list regarding the same topic. Try writing as though you are speaking to a peer about your childhood. In the very beginning of your writing I noticed there was imagery. You speak about having an Ford F-150 truck, but there is no deep detail about the time shared with your father. Was he in his own truck, driving along side you? Was you driving on the sidewalk? You are two years old with a car? Interesting, very fictional try using more description in your writing so us as the reader is able to understand what is really going on. Imagery takes the road.