Author Archives: Samantha

Things I want my Daughter to know: Self Reflection

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Ava,

As the spring semester nears end, I can’t help but reflect and look back on the progress I’ve made this semester. Professional progress, academic progress and even personal progress have made this semester one of my most memorable since I began my college career. I have reached heights I never thought I would see and have been fortunate enough to meet amazing people, both friends and mentors. I also want to thank all of my readers, the people who have reached out to me and told me that my words helped them, reached them or made their day a little bit better, having people read my words is truly an honor. So in light of the semester coming to a close, I want to share some of the things I’ve learned this semester or that have made a lasting impact in my life.

1. Friendship winds its way into our lives when we need it the most

When I began my journey at City Tech I was mainly focused on academics, and being dedicated to the course work. I was reminded however that community is a huge and necessary ingredient in the recipe for success. I met three wonderful ladies that opened so many doors for me. Together we have conquered our major and encouraged each other when one of us was down, overwhelmed or confused. On our many lunch dates, study sessions and collaborations we have become lifelong friends.

2. Failure is a component to success

This may sound odd but it is true. I heard this at least 4 times my first week at City Tech by a Professor who has offered numerous resources and strategies to me. At first, I was confused as to why a Professor would tell us we’re going to fail, I’m sure some people will, but why put that idea in our heads? Well as time has progressed I can attest to the trueness of this statement. As emerging professionals and academics, we need to know that everything we do won’t be right on the first try and that it’s okay to try again.

3. Unplug before you burn out

Sometimes no matter how devoted, focused and determined we are we can reach our wits end. With all that goes on in our lives and all the things we have to sift through and deal with sometimes we need to step away to turn off the phone, close the laptop and recharge. It is okay to give yourself a time out and refresh yourself before you continue on with life. If you can’t do yourself justice and give yourself a break you’re not doing the people and obligations you have in your life justice either. Take a breather and ask for help if you need it.

4. Be open

To new people, to new ideas, new food or even a new color lipstick! There’s nothing more exciting then finding some awesome new dish to share with your friends or eating at a new brunch spot you found on groupon. Similarly be open to learning something new, read a book from a new genre, take a class on something you’ve never heard of or be spontaneous in your travels. The best thing in the world is growth so don’t stunt yours because you’re apprehensive of the unknown.

Time has taught me that nothing stays the same, not my daughter, not my weight, not my taste in books and most certainly not my knowledge. All of that, is okay though, maybe change can be good. I can offer you this advice Ava, roll with the tide, don’t fight it because you’ll tire yourself out trying to overpower a force that is beyond you. The universe has plans carved out for us, plans with pit stops and scenic outlooks where we can see how far we’ve come on the path of life. My advice to anyone who feels they’re stuck or that change hasn’t come fast enough, or even too fast, that it is okay and nothing lasts forever, you can get through this. If I can go from college drop out to pursing my second degree anything is possible, you are possible remember moms, we have the greatest audience in the world cheering for us, our kids.

I want to thank all my readers, the people who have supported me all semester long as I learned the ropes of blogging. I hope to be right back here in the fall blogging away! Stay tuned for more!

Virtues from Motherhood: Cookie cutter moms don’t exist

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In the age of social media and popular opinion, it’s easy for anyone from any corner of the world to have something to say. The categories of controversy are endless, and amid them is the subject of parenting and what a “proper parent” should look like. While celebrities are often the target of these online feuds and keyboard wars the “popular opinion” tends to trickle down into the most average newsfeeds. So I thought to myself, firstly who makes these pointless cookie cutter visions of a mother and secondly why is it anyone’s business what I look like or indulge in so long as my child is healthy, fed and well cared for? I see such outdated ideals on what women in general should look like or how we should speak and quite frankly, hilarity aside, it’s appalling. In 2016, there should be no right or wrong way to be a mother especially in terms of appearance.

I was eighteen when my daughter was born so I was told that “I looked too young to be a mother” or “I can’t be a day over 16” or my personal favorite “Babies having babies”. That statement made my blood boil to no end, how dare anyone gage my ability to be a mother solely on my age or by the actions of other young women? Though I may have gotten off to a rocky start to adulthood there was never a time Ava went without, suffered or was harmed, she was always my number one priority and still is. I worked 14 hours shifts at a hostess job when I was 19 to make sure I could give Ava the best of everything, I worked a retail job I despised just to ensure I could throw her the best birthday parties. I did all these things as a teenager, as a young 20 something, as a mom with tattoos, as a mom who likes rap and hip hop and as a mom who wasn’t really concerned with what motherhood should “look like”.

I’ve seen some ridiculous articles about how children of parents with tattoos are more likely to be abused or more likely to live in poverty. Things like that make me chuckle because there’s zero validity to it, none, nada. On the other hand though there is a statistic that estimates teen mothers have less than a 30% chance of getting a college degree before she turns 30. That statistic has been proven and the fact that it has is saddening. While motherhood is no easy feat in itself, it’s not impossible to obtain a degree, teen moms just need more support in order to accomplish it. Instead of condemning these young women for not having kids at that “ideal age”, lets support their dreams and provide hand ups instead of just handouts.

Mother is not a “one size fits all” or cookie cutter persona. We do not all fit under one umbrella, and we never will. Like snowflakes like fingerprints we are all unique, diverse and wonderful. I got my first tattoo two months after Ava was born, I got my most recent last week because tattoo art is something I’m drawn to, it intrigues me, I like it. Last year I got a half sleeve piece dedicated to my grandmother and to Ava, it’s my biggest tattoo to date. At first I hesitated at the idea of getting it because I feared people’s opinion but after expressing my concerns to someone close to me he said “Sam you’re the same great mom with or without it and if you love it get it, all it changes is the outside not the inside”. I love my tattoos, Ava loves them too and she’s always so excited to tell people the tattoo on my wrist, of her name, is in her handwriting. Ava doesn’t remember me without tattoos and she doesn’t think anything of their presence, she has no bias. At the end of the day I am still her mother, her provider and her protector. The same goes for other moms, moms who are tattooed head to toe, without a single tattoo, covered in piercings or rocking some awesome hairstyle, we are all mothers! Not one stitch of our appearance can change how we love our kids and that is something people need to realize.

Things I want my Daughter to know: Love doesn’t hurt

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Ava,

Since you were born you’ve probably heard “I love you” thousands of times. You’ve heard it being said to you and to the people around you and at 7 years old, you probably have a simplistic definition of the word. For you “love” is the way people take care of you, brushing your hair, tucking you into bed at night and cheering you on at school events and for now and years to come this idea will serve you well. One day however you’re going to grow up and have a more panoramic view of the world and of love. At some point love won’t just be mommy coming to your play at school or putting little notes in your lunch box, no, at some point love will be something you seek from a partner, someone who knows and keeps all your secrets. Though the idea of you growing up and finding someone you love frightens me, I want you to know that of all the many things love can be, painful, should never be one of them.

Love does not hurt, love isn’t heavy or burdening, love isn’t ostracizing or tiring. It’s important that you never feel like you owe something to the person you love, remember love is not a commodity that can be bartered or exchanged; it is a mutual and constant contribution to one another’s lives. Love is good morning notes next to the coffee machine, love surprising your partner with peanut M&Ms because it’s their favorite when they’ve had a rough day. I want you to have positive experiences of love Ava, I want you to never doubt that you’re lovable and that you deserve the best. If ever you feel like what you have is less than love it’s okay to leave and it is okay to have love for a person but not be in love with them. Love is a freeing experience it makes you feel light and open to life so I caution you, if you ever feel the love you have casts shadows on your life, on your happiness, it is time to move in a different direction.

Most of all Ava I want you to understand that in life we will love many people. We will love people intimately, like family and as close friends and all these types of love are necessary to us growing as a person. Sometimes though, like flowers, love has a season and we must move on to preserve our own garden. When love stops feeling freeing know that it’s not your fault and you just cannot fix it sometimes. This doesn’t mean the love that once was is any less significant it just means that there is more out there for you and you have every right to find it.

Virtues from Motherhood: The little things

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Every year as our children get older and we do our best to provide for them and nourish their abilities, I wonder if we get too consumed with the cost of life instead of its riches. We as tend to get lost in how much car payments and tuition cost instead of reaping the benefits of the little things. When was the last time you woke up on a weekday morning and didn’t calculate the amount of time you had to get out the door, the amount left in your bank account after your bills get paid. We’re so quick to calculate but we forget to stop and appreciate those little moments that are so rich.

I watch Ava walk home from school on Fridays, skipping, bouncing and prancing along and of course the mom instinct is to tell her to be careful and not fall but the afterthought is that she prances along because life is one big wondrous dance for her. For Ava, Monday might be the start of another week but a week filled with laughter with friends and new adventures. Ava doesn’t know the adult checklist ritual, the phone-keys-wallet poem we sing to ourselves before we leave the house each day. She doesn’t know the money dance that I make my bank account do so all my expenses, especially hers, get covered. I am envious of her bliss sometimes but grateful that I am able to preserve it for her as best I can. I am thankful I don’t have to explain to her why she can’t have or do certain things, I’m glad I can provide her with a strong educational background and a family that loves her unconditionally. Though Ava and I can’t jet set off to islands or 5 star hotels, we can take trips to Disney with my family and we can have Mother- Daughter lunch dates. Those things to me mean more because they’re more personal, they’re filled with more love and laughter and they’re something she looks forward to. Sometimes when I come home early on a Friday Ava and I will walk to Starbucks for a hot chocolate and a cake pop, though it’s not much her excitement for it is real, her being able to order it herself and have a Starbucks cup like mommy does is something that makes her happy, for that I’m glad.

Eventually Ava will grow up and she probably won’t jump for joy when I say let’s go get some hot chocolate but I hope that she remembers the times she did and she remembers the fun we had doing it. The little things sometimes mean more than expensive toys, clothes or gadgets because those things come and go, they hold no significance in photos, and they don’t bring back feelings. So my advice to all moms, to all parents, is to take the little things and run with them. Take a trip to central park, to the Staten Island Ferry, to the local ice cream shop and just surprise your little one with something outside of the routine. I promise they’ll thank you endlessly for it and they will be so genuinely happy that they got to do something new that day and you will have that memory of that little grin in your head the next time you feel guilty about working late. Know that those little things make them smile when they are missing you too and that in the big scheme of things … everything will be alright.

Things I want my Daughter to know: Why I have to be the bad cop sometimes

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Ava,

They say a daughter is a best friend for life, someone you will always have. While this is true and you’re the best thing life could have ever given me, remember before I am your friend, I am your mother. As your mother, there will be times that you think I’m being unreasonable, unfair or controlling but understand these choices come from a place of love. My biggest fear is that you might endure harm or hurt as a result of something that was my job to protect you from. You view the world through unbiased and pure eyes and I want to preserve that as long as I possibly can, but sadly the world in which we live can be dangerous and disheartening. So when I say no you can’t go over to so and so’s house it’s not because I don’t want you to have friends, it’s because I don’t know that person’s house, their family or who you may encounter there. The world you’re growing up in is far different from the world I grew up in and an entirely new world from the one that your grandparents remember, people are not always who they appear to be and sometimes innocence is viewed as a weakness. I will always fiercely protect you and that starts with knowing who and what crosses your path.

There are times, even now at seven years old, that you think I’m being unfair or asking too much of you but I assure you it’s only because I know you are capable. Last week you came home with both a math and spelling test with a grade in the 60 percent range, the week before you scored 102% on your spelling test. I was upset with the scores and as a result you lost 15 minutes on your bedtime for an entire week much to your dismay. You complained and groaned while telling me you didn’t know the material, but I know you did and I know when you’ve stopped trying or never started. You see my lovely daughter you are a part of me, you carry traits that I myself have or have had and I know your moves before you make them. It’s funny (well, not really) that when I sit at parent teacher conferences and the teacher tells me “Ava could do so much better if she applied herself” I am reminded of the days when I was in your seat and your grandma was in mine. I know what it’s like to just generally loathe a subject or task and do it reluctantly because it is required of you that is why when it comes to math, I just ask that you do your best and bring home at least a 75%. In other subjects, ones that you’re more than capable in, I expect an 80 or better and you know this, in fact you’re able to tell me when you think you’re getting less than that. I know you’re talented, smart and more than able in most all subjects and I only push you to do better because you can, because I want you to recognize your abilities. I don’t push you because I like to memorize 20 spelling words a weeks or because I enjoy calculating peculiar common core math problems. I do it because I want you to take pride in your intelligence.

You might view me as the “bad cop” for now or until you’re out of your teenage rebellion phase, and I’m okay with that. It took me many years to realize my own mother was not Cruella Deville but a mother trying to guide her daughter on the right path of life. I disagreed, defied, ignored and drove my mother insane from ages 16-22 because I was too wound up in the rhythm of my own drum to realize I wasn’t playing a song, just making noise. Now that I’m older I see that she was right about most things and that because I was mad at the messenger I wasn’t listening to the message. At the age of 25, I have accomplished most of the things I had set out to do when I was 20 but my own blinders slowed me down. I anticipate that because you’re so strong willed and outgoing, and because you’re my child, that you will experience similar phases and anger towards me and my guidance, in fact I’m preparing for it. Just know that even when I seem crazy that there is a method to my madness and that madness is driven by my fierce and powerful love for you and no matter how old you get I will always have “bad cop” moments.

Mom

Virtues from Motherhood: Dating

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Dating by its own account can be a nerve wracking ordeal, picking a time and a place, juggling a busy schedule, and of course what to wear. Then throw in finding a sitter and a night where you have no other responsibilities and you might be inclined to just stay home. If you’re a single mom, or dad for that matter, you know how hectic managing your life can be without trying to pencil in time to get to know someone new.

When you’re a single parent, your life tends to be a cycle of wake up, go to work, pick up the little one and prepare for tomorrow, and if you’re like me throw a full schedule of college classes in there. With only 24 hours in the day finding even one to sit down with a date or potential significant other can be a feat that you end up neglecting altogether. Since Ava’s father and I split in 2011 I have been in one serious relationship spanning just over a year and even that amazes me. I’ve gone on plenty of dates and awkward “you just have to meet my friend” set ups but after one or two meet ups over lunch or dinner I usually end up having to cancel future plans because something comes up, mostly because I don’t have a sitter or I’m just swamped with work and school responsibilities. My family helps me tremendously with Ava while I’m at work and at school and some days I’m out of the house from 9am until 9pm so asking them to watch her yet another night so I can go on a date seems a little selfish of me, not to mention after being a passing ship to Ava most nights a week I want to use my weekend to hang out with her. In my mind a date can wait, I just want to be home.

That desire to just want to flop on the couch and watch Disney movies on a Friday night is often met with skepticism. Things like “Don’t you want more kids?” “Don’t you want to get married soon?”, “You’re still single?!” come whizzing past your head at family gatherings or even work events and for the sake of your job, and being polite, you learn and master new ways to avoid or brush off this questions all the while screaming in your head “I DON’T HAVE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT THIS NOW!”. Don’t get me wrong, the women who stuck it out with their partners, whose relationships work, I applaud you and I’m happy you’ve found that so early in life. But for others it didn’t happen in that order, some of us thought love started and ended with a high school sweetheart only to find that a high school romance may not be strong enough to withstand the seasons of life. So when these relationships don’t work we don’t throw pity parties, we throw on our grown up britches and get on with it. We pour ourselves into giving to our kids, to bettering their lives and to make sure they live the life they deserve, after all they didn’t ask to be here.

What it comes down to and truth of the matter is I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, I simply do not have the time to commit to one and I’m not one to half commit or skirt on any aspect of my life. Right now I’m worried about getting my second degree and securing a good job for Ava and I to live comfortably. I want my own life to be on solid ground before I begin looking to share that ground with anyone else. I’m unapologetic when it comes to being consumed with my own life because when I’m ready to share it … I will.

Things I want my daughter to know: Be open to all kinds of friendship

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Ava,

Throughout our lives, we will have many friends and many types of friendships. Some friendships will persevere through the major moments of your life and it’s multiple milestones. Others will be brief and only last a short while but might be as equally meaningful as those that last for years. Friendships when you’re a little girl are seemingly simple and are based around liking the same flavor ice cream or the same TV show, they make elementary school memorable and recess more fun but as you enter middle school and beyond, the dynamics of a friendship as well as the ideal type of friends you seek will change as you mature.

You might seek friendships with those who are similar to you or have the same interests, who are “safe”, who don’t try to pressure too far outside your comfort zone, and whose mindset doesn’t stray too far from your own. For a while, these styles of friendships will serve you well with good memories, abundant laughs and dozens of secrets shared but eventually you’ll be forced out of that comfort zone you live in. You may all end up in different schools, careers or even cities and despite the efforts of keeping in touch the dynamics of the friendship will change.

So what are you to do when you shift into the next phase of your life, in a new space, unfamiliar territory with all these unacquainted faces? It might be instinct to discredit people who are vastly different from you, whether in appearance, upbringing, education or interest but instead of avoid something new, embrace it. I can tell you the most meaningful friendships you will ever have are those you never anticipated. Sometimes when we cross paths with people who are from different paths in life, we find our own path is now lined with brighter and more stunning flowers. People who are after more in their own life will bring more to yours. Maybe it’s a different heritage or a different taste in books but small things like this add more meaningful stitches to the quilt of your life.

The moral of my story, Ava is to never discount any type of friendship, big or small. Understand that sometimes you will outgrow a friendship and that doesn’t make either of you, terrible people and even when you feel your life is full always be open to new friendships and new points of view. Unexpected friendships often leave the most memorable footprints in your life. So form bridges with people from all walks of life so when you stop and look around you’ll see you’ve created a diverse and wide world for yourself with many avenues to explore. Never short change yourself the opportunity to get to know a new friend because of the premonitions of an old one and remember there is no maximum capacity on friendships.

Mom

Virtues from Motherhood: Nobody is perfect

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 The past week or so I’ve been feeling like I can’t catch up with life. Between mid terms approaching and work getting busier fitting everything into 16 or 17 waking hours is tough. A few weeks ago I helped Ava complete her first research report and helped her practice reading it aloud. We finished it way before it was due but on the due date I totally forgot to send her to school with it! I didn’t realize until I was heading out the door for work that it was still hanging on the fridge. In a panic, I threw it in my bag and rushed to the school to give it to her and by then she’d already realized I forgot to send it with her. When she saw me she was relieved but her little face asking me why I forgot in the first place made me feel so bad. How do I tell her I’m only human and sometimes I’m going to make mistakes because I’m not perfect?

I’m sure as we’ve all matured we’ve realized our parents are only human and not the super-human superheroes we imagined them to be all our lives. Parents have their off days, bad days and moments of weakness just like anyone else and as Ava matures I realize I am no different, I can’t do it all perfect on a daily basis. Mishaps like the forgotten report are small in the big scheme of things but a handful of those little mishaps can make you feel defeated or frazzled. As much as I don’t want Ava to see it, she probably will. At first, this idea scared me because I feared she’d see me as this mad woman who’s always running around but then it dawned on me, if I’m optimistic about life she will be too.

By having an optimistic perspective, I will try not to complain aloud but instead use positive terms and highlight the good in the madness and not what was difficult or something I could’ve done more efficiently. When I started classes this semester I felt really bad about missing bedtime for Ava 4 out of 5 weeknights. I had to take night classes because of work. One night, my brother told me Ava was upset she hadn’t seen me and tried to facetime but I couldn’t leave class at the moment. I was upset I couldn’t talk to her but I got an idea from a book I read a few years ago “Notes on the refrigerator door”, a book about a mother and daughter who left each other notes because their schedules meant they didn’t spend much time home together.

Though Ava is only 7 she still gets the concept. Before I leave every morning I leave her a little note, a funny rhyme or a question and before she goes to bed she writes me back. I come home around 9 every night and there’s this little note waiting for me, sometimes with errors or peculiar pictures but always written with love. It may seem small or trivial but since we started writing notes back and forth she doesn’t get as upset about going to sleep without me and I think she looks forward to writing them every night.

Even though night classes and 15-hour days are not ideal, I’m determined to make it work for the bigger picture, the end goal. I want Ava to understand in the future that these crazy schedules and long hours were for the betterment of our future. She’s already seen me graduate once and she’ll see me do it again when I earn my B.A degree. Whenever I feel like I can’t keep up or I’m falling behind I remind myself that I’m still doing it and that little gestures like notes left for Ava keep the stitches of this crazy patchwork quilt of life together.

Things I want my Daughter to know: 7 Things being your mom has taught me

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This week in honor of Ava’s 7th birthday I’m doing something a little different with “Things I want my daughter to know”. This past Saturday Ava celebrated her birthday and it made me realize just how far we’ve come. When she was born I was 18 years old. I had no job and just a high school diploma. Today I am 25 and I have one degree and am steadily approaching a second. So I’m going to list 7 things being Ava’s mom has taught me.

1. There is no greater love than the love a mother possesses for her child.
I discovered this days after you were born and people wanted to touch and hold you. Though I knew they meant no harm I didn’t want anyone touching MY baby. I also felt this on your first day of school, when you began nursery I wanted to sit outside the school all day and I cried after dropping you off. Nobody could take care of you better than I could and it was hard for me to let you go and be a little person. Even now every morning when I kiss you goodbye for the day I wonder what your day will be like and if you’ll need me at any point during the day. There will never be a moment where I am not fiercely protective over you, even when you think I’m being unfair.

2. Sometimes your bad behavior is funny.
I know moms aren’t supposed to admit this but I think it’s in good humor to know that occasionally your out of line behavior cracks me up. The first time I had to excuse myself from disciplining you, you were two years old. Someone had moved your fridge letter magnets up out of your reach and you were not pleased. You attempted to reach them I heard you struggling to and as I came out to assist you, you shouted in anger “WHO THE bleep PUT THIS UP HERE?!”. To which I promptly burst into laughter and had to turn around. Should you have repeated adults bad words no. Did I correct you? Absolutely, but till this day it cracks me up. Every now and then you have little bursts of attitude and though it’s a bit out of line it’s funny to me to see such a large personality on such a little girl.

3. Just because I see the world through rose-colored glasses doesn’t mean everyone else does.
This has become clearer to me as you’ve gotten older and I find just because I gravitate to something doesn’t mean you will. It also means just because something comes easily to me it might be complex to someone else. This became obvious to me when I’ve had to explain to you why certain things aren’t acceptable in school. Though I can see your potential and know the questions to ask you to get you going again not everyone else does and I have to teach you to ask for help productively when you don’t know how to do something.

4. Change in inevitable.
I’ve said this before but the only reason I know how to roll with the punches is because I am your mother. Change is something that panics and stresses me out but I can’t let you see that. So in turn I’ve learned to accept and roll with it as best I can so my flaws never spill over into your life. Having you was the biggest change my life will ever endure but I know if I can be a mother and raise a little girl everything else life throws my way is a cake walk.

5. Kids really are mirrors; they reflect all of what’s around them.

One day when I was running late for something and I had to take you with me I truly saw that you absorbed most of the habits around you. I’m a bit anal retentive when it comes to certain things, and that clearly rubbed off on you because you wouldn’t wear socks that did not match, you downright refused. It slowed down the whole morning but it made me see that everything I do, in your presence or not, affects you in some way.

  1. Admit when you’re wrong.

This is a hard skill for people in general but I would be doing you an injustice if I didn’t teach you to be humble and admit when you mess up. I discover these things often, like when you’re right about where something is or if you did or didn’t do something. Though my first reaction is to brush it off I know I have to admit it was my mistake. Teaching you it’s okay to be wrong is the first part, I also have to teach you how to fix it. Sometimes sorry is not enough and you have to replicate that I’m sorry in the form of actions.

  1. Don’t ever stop finding reasons to smile

I am amazed at how quickly your mood can change, both good and bad, but mostly good. I am amazed that even in the middle of a rainstorm you’ll find something to laugh about or be silly. I then remember that this is a gift of youth that is often spent over time into adulthood but seeing you experience it makes me remember that it was not too long ago that I was care-free and laughing. I cherish that I can share these laughs with you and hopefully let you keep those moments a little longer.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AVA!

Mommy loves you so much and one day when you’re a teenager loathing my rules and expectations I hope you’ll read this. I hope you’ll read this and gain a little clarity into the method to my madness and understand that I don’t set rules with the intent of raining on your parade but instead with intent of protection, guidance and stability. One day when you may have a daughter I hope you’ll relate to my words and they’ll finally resonate with you and you’ll see every choice was crafted out of pure love.

Virtues from Motherhood: Cherish the here and now

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When you think about time, you often think of how quickly it moves, or how there aren’t enough hours in the day. What we don’t tend to think about is the value that every small moment has in the big picture. As a mom, time is an uphill battle, it’s always escaping us and we’re always chasing it in return. I’ve learned over the past seven years that it matters less what it looks like and more what it is. Like many new moms I was self-conscious of my changed body and I spent so much time hiding from pictures or avoiding social events, and posting pictures because I was worried what I would look like in the eyes of others. What I learned from that however was that all I was doing was missing out on capturing and being part of milestone and hallmark moments of my daughter’s life. I also found that people, the right people anyway, were not looking at the materialistic things in the photo they were looking at the love present.

This realization was reaffirmed for me while scrolling through Facebook a few weeks ago. I came across a shared post by a woman named Tiffany Watkins who posted a pictures of herself in a bra and undies holding her young son Austyn. In the pictures, Austyn can be seen grabbing moms’ glasses, mimicking her faces, and laughing. His gleeful expression and love of his mom is obvious, but what’s more obvious is her love of him and love of the moment they’re sharing. I loved this post and shared it on my own page, and with Tiffany’s permission I’m sharing it here as well. I think we can all learn something from Tiffany’s post, mom or not, that you should celebrate love, moments, and memories free from fear of appearance or judgment of others.

The post has been shared quite a few times and other women applaud and find courage in her adorable post because in it she’s not just honest but she’s real. I encourage other women to share the love they’ve captured in pictures and share it without that, “oh no look at my legs” or “look at this” reaction that we’ve all had to a picture. In ten years, when you look back at that picture you were reluctant to share odds are you won’t remember that you thought your thighs were too big or your arms weren’t positioned right instead what you’ll remember is the happiness of that moment and the memory it left you with; you’ll remember happiness not self- judgment.

All in all, I don’t think anyone has ever taken a “perfect” picture, but we’ve all taken ones embroidered with love and happiness, and those things should be celebrated and cherished. I applaud Tiffany and I think her pictures are so simple yet mean so much. On Austyn’s first day of kindergarten she may come across those pictures, and not remember how she felt about her appearance that day but how small Austyn was then and all the memories surrounding that time. So my message to women who think twice about posting, POST IT! Share that love, that happiness and be proud of the life you’re living and the life you’ve built with the ones you love most. Don’t let anyone anywhere ever tell you otherwise because having an abundance of love in your life will always trump a “beach body”. Be rich in love not materialism.