Overall Message: My main topic and theme will be how I overcame the challenges and frustrations of learning to program. I will share how this experience has benefited me in the long run and taught me the importance of perseverance and not giving up.
Intro(opening): First Day of high school,
Event 1) Viewing code for the first time in my living room as a child
Event 2) Attending afterschool classes at Google HQ as well as hackathons at Amazon loft
Event 3) Pandemic coding, as well as working my first job
Conclusion: I am gaining confidence and motivating myself to tackle college, revisiting the visions I had as a kid with all my passion and goals being limitless.
Opening…
[Working title] Scripting Success
Growing up, my parents would refer to me as a “Genius” or call me things ” So smart” merely because I utilized the internet efficiently and quickly and was in-house tech support. They would call for every minor tech inconvenience, asking things I shouldn’t have known but somehow did, like, “There are viruses on the computer. What should I do to remove them?” leading to some built pride in my brilliance.
Although I was “brilliant,” I was a young and stubborn teen who firmly believed that I didn’t need to attend college because of the many years I had spent programming away on Roblox. I lacked the grit and passion to p ush forward. I have had smarts from a young age but never truly gave it my all.
This belief that I didn’t need college continued all the way through high school. Year after year, teachers, classmates, and school faculty ask, “Where do you plan to study?” I always replied quickly with my foot down. “It isn’t for me,” “ I don’t need college,” the field I like doesn’t require it,”… excuses. I was selling myself short.
I always replied quickly with my foot down, “Degrees aren’t for me. I don’t need college. The tech field doesn’t require them.” All I ever delivered was excuses. I didn’t know it then, but I was selling myself short.
You write: I remember viewing my first lines of code…but you dont’ give me the scene! WHEN? WHERE were you in that moment? WHAT exactly were you doing that first time you wrote a code?
Remember you must SHOW me with a few well chosen scenes.
YOU NEED TO PUT TOGETHER YOUR HW3 AND THIS HW 4. Put your ideas together to form a cohesive piece of writing.
USE my comments from HW 3
WORK ON SHOWING me and focusing on the events that will move your story forward.
DO not just tell me or report to me or philosophize.
PROBLEM: These are NOT events! What are the events that move your story forward? THINK back to Colin Powell. He had events: First day, meeting Raymond the Bagelman, joining Pershing Rifles ROTC, buying the first family house….ending with graduation as the closing event. WHAT are you r events??
Event 1) I’ll talk about starting programming, encountering obstacles, giving up but still improving, making steady progress, and gaining confidence. Knowing what is possible yet not attempt fear of trying,
Event 2) Significantly improving in code my experience, dabbling in utilizing it in education and professional fields, interacting with professionals in the field, and belittling my self-taught efforts.
Event 3) I reimmersed myself with my hobbies and thrived. Realizing the true extent of my abilities. Pandemic coding, seeing the world as my oyster, seeing infinite possibilities once again like I was a child.
Look how I edit for you the beginning of your piece above. I am putting paragraph breaks in for you. I am clarifying ideas with clearer language.
Three days after the first day, I appeared in high school, showing up in the middle of the day with [WHAT KIND OF ATTITUDE]
“Hi, my name is Jermain,” I said confidently [my word – not sure if it is true] to everyone. I was a young and stubborn teen with the firm belief that I [USE THE FIRST PERSON I] didn’t need to attend college because of the many years I had programming away on Roblox. Although brilliant [who said you were brilliant?], I lacked the grit and passion to push forward. I have had wits [smarts] from a young age but never truly gave it my all.
This belief that I didn’t need college continued all the way through high school. Year after year, teachers [no caps], classmates, and school faculty would ask, “Where do you plan to study?”
I always replied quickly with my foot down,“It[WHAT] isn’t for me. I don’t need college. The field [WHAT field] I like doesn’t require it.” All I ever delivered was excuses. I didn’t know it then, but I was selling myself short.