I will not be using this.
Growing up I have always felt like I was living in two different worlds. This was due to the fact that it’s a little more difficult to express myself in English than it would be in Spanish . I don’t think I have an accent however I do have the disadvantage of not having a huge choice of words to choose from when speaking English. That to me is living in two different worlds because if I was to speak Spanish you would literally think I know so much, however when I start speaking English I struggle to find words to express how I feel or what it is I’m trying to say. Growing up spanish is all I would speak to my mom so how can I not be great at expressing myself in Spanish. Coming into high school made me realize how behind I was compared to my classmates in English. The first couple of years is the time where you sorta have room to mess up because you still have time to make up for it. However for me once I hit sophomore year I started to notice I was really behind and I remember the exact moment . I walked into the lunchroom and sat down where I normally sit which is two tables from the entrance and hot on my phone like always. “Did you do the essay due next period” I hear Kelly say as she puts her book bag on the table. She always sat across from me and next to her was her best friend who later on became a friend of mine too, Charity. “Thanks for reminding me, I just have to receive it one last time to make sure I didn’t misspell anything”, I replied. I took out my essay from my folder in which I would put all my assignments in and started reading it. “Hey can I see yours real quick, I wanna make sure I wrote about the right thing” I ask Kelly. She opened her book bag and took out her folder with “English Hw” written on it. She hands me her essay and with just reading the first essay I knew how much better hers was written. I knew something was missing in mine but when I tell you I tried my best to write it better than I had written any essay before, I did! I was mostly confused at how much better hers sounded next to mine because we literally were writing almost the same. Then it hit me, the vocabulary she was using in her essay is what I lacked. I handed her paper back and said “okay I did the correct assignment” and five minutes later I was searching up words to make my essay sound just as good as hers. I won’t sit here and lie to you about not having teachers come to me and tell me I needed to look at my “peers examples” to improve mine. At that time it would rub me the wrong way because why would a teacher compare my writing to another’s who has lived a completely life than mine with completely different stories and completely different perspectives on everything. Wouldn’t it be wrong for me to compare the way my English teacher would give her lessons to how my global studies teacher would give his?
What I was missing was the fact that the teacher only wanted me to improve my vocabulary. Growing up in a household where we spoke Spanish almost all the time , you don’t have time to expand your English vocabulary because you’re learning new words in Spanish. I would even feel proud of myself when I would learn the definition to a new word in a Spanish or the spelling of one. So I would say my education journey has been affected enormously by this. However I chose to overcome the difficulties presented with growing up speaking only Spanish. Instead of dwelling on it, I now see it as an opportunity to learn new things. Whether I’m reading a book or hearing a story , I go to Google and search up the definition to a word I don’t understand.
Ana —
This is an interesting story.
You do a good job with that scene in the lunchroom. You need to do more of this!
· More scenes and more CSD – Concrete Specific Details.
· Clear paragraph breaks. Your reader will be scared away from the huge long blocks of text! Turn these into bite sized chunks.
· New paragraph = new topic or new speaker in a dialogue.
· CAPITALS!
· 5 things to remember for quote formatting: 1. comma, 2. beginning quote, 3. capital…4. ending punctuation, 5. end quote.
If you do decide to choose this piece or parts of it, I will offer some suggestions inserted into your writing piece:
[par] Growing up I have always felt like I was living in two different worlds. This was due to the fact that it’s a little more difficult to express myself in English than it would be in Spanish . I don’t think I have an accent however I do have the disadvantage of not having a huge choice of words to choose from when speaking English. That to me is living in two different worlds because if I was to speak Spanish you would literally think I know so much, however when I start speaking English I struggle to find words to express how I feel or what it is I’m trying to say. Growing up spanish is all I would speak to my mom so how can I not be great at expressing myself in Spanish.
[par] Coming into high school made me realize how behind I was compared to my classmates in English. The first couple of years is the time where you sorta [avoid qualifying words] have room to mess up because you still have time to make up for it. However for me once I hit sophomore year I started to notice I was really behind and I remember the exact moment .
[par] I walked into the lunchroom and sat down where I normally sit which is two tables from the entrance and hot on my phone like always. “Did you do the essay due next period” [5 things to remember for quote formatting] I hear Kelly say as she puts her book bag on the table. She always sat across from me and next to her was her best friend who later on became a friend of mine too, Charity.
[par] “Thanks for reminding me, I just have to receive it one last time to make sure I didn’t misspell anything”, I replied.
[par]I took out my essay from my folder in which I would put all my assignments in and started reading it. “Hey can I see yours real quick, I wanna make sure I wrote about the right thing” [. 5 things to remember for quote formatting] I ask Kelly. She opened her book bag and took out her folder with “English Hw” written on it. She hands me her essay and with just reading the first essay I knew how much better hers was written. I knew something was missing in mine but when I tell you I tried my best to write it better than I had written any essay before, I did! I was mostly confused at how much better hers sounded next to mine because we literally were writing almost the same.
[par] Then it hit me, the vocabulary she was using in her essay is what I lacked. I handed her paper back and said “okay I did the correct assignment” and five minutes later I was searching up words to make my essay sound just as good as hers. I won’t sit here and lie to you about not having teachers come to me and tell me I needed to look at my “peers examples” to improve mine. At that time it would rub me the wrong way because why would a teacher compare my writing to another’s who has lived a completely life than mine with completely different stories and completely different perspectives on everything. Wouldn’t it be wrong for me to compare the way my English teacher would give her lessons to how my global studies teacher would give his?
[par]What I was missing was the fact that the teacher only wanted me to improve my vocabulary. Growing up in a household where we spoke Spanish almost all the time , you don’t have time to expand your English vocabulary because you’re learning new words in Spanish. I would even feel proud of myself when I would learn the definition to a new word in a Spanish or the spelling of one. So I would say my education journey has been affected enormously by this. However I chose to overcome the difficulties presented with growing up speaking only Spanish. [need details, CSD. HOW did you improve your English vocabulary and become confident in academic English? What strategies did you use? What was your process in improving English? Don’t just tell me; SHOW me!]
Instead of dwelling on it, I now see it as an opportunity to learn new things. Whether I’m reading a book or hearing a story , I go to Google and search up the definition to a word I don’t understand. [Continue with these ideas — you need an ending that is meaningful. And can you reflect on what positive aspects you have learned about being in TWO diff worlds of English and Spanish.]