Month: February 2019

Rough Draft Essay

Karina Ramsey

Dr. Carrie hall

English 1121

02/07/19

 

Rough Draft Essay

Coming from a small island into this big country with so many moving parts it was very intimidating; not to mention attending school in America for the first time. School where I come from was basic and very religious. We had our own stuff that made it fun, however when I watched TV as a kid, school is America just seemed like so much fun. So, it’s my first day of school in America and I was super excited. I walked it in not knowing that uniform was require because on tv they never wore uniform. I met my teacher and to my surprise he was also from a small island as well, so I wasn’t as nervous, because he was kind and welcoming. I walked into the classroom and the first thing I said to myself, in my head was, “this doesn’t look like what was on tv.”

I took my sit next to the radiator with my back facing the window and sitting next to me was a young lady by the name of Kadijah. Kadijah loved to talk, a lot, but she’s not the point of the story so moving on. The teacher got in front of the class and began to teach math, my favorite subject by the way, and then he asked a question. Me, being me and knowing the answer to the question, I raised my hand with no hesitation. He called on me and I answered. Instantly I felt different. It wasn’t because my answer was wrong, it was because it didn’t dawn on me that I was different from everyone else until I talked and didn’t sound like my fellow classmates. I didn’t have an American accent.

My brother also started school that same day as me but was put in a higher grade. His experience was very different from mine, because that afternoon when we were talking about how our first day went, I noticed that the way he talked, and his English was different. Again, me being me I said to him “wha you talking in style for.” I said this because to me home was our safe haven, where we all spoke the same way, and I didn’t have to be the orange chip is a bag full of yellow chips, because at home we were all orange chips. However, it seemed like I was the only one having a hard time adjusting, because my entire family jumped down my throat and told me I need to start speaking “proper.”

My family, who mostly speaks the same exact way as me, is telling me that I need to speak “proper”. I knew what they meant by proper, they wanted me to speak like my American peers. Granted my grammar was horrible and to this day still needs improvement, however hearing them use the word proper didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t because to me they were implying that the way I spoke wasn’t right, it wasn’t ok. It made me feel like they forgot that in our home country mostly everyone spoke this way.

 

Rough Draft

Minhaj Uddin

Professor Hall

English 1121

February 6th,2019

Rough Draft Essay

When I was really young I use to have a passion for cars. Thats all I played with and what I always wanted and if I didn’t have my toy cars with me all I would do is cry. I would have all kinds of cars little ones and big ones. My dad actually got me this car that I could ride around the park but it was fun while it lasted until the battery got messed up and that meant that I would have to buy a new one, but it was alright because I was getting to big to fit in it anyways.

When I got a little bit older at like the age of 12 I would actually study cars. I would search up cars and see which ones were faster than the others and I would use up all my time research what car I want when I get older.

Thats where school comes into place because I wasn’t the best in school. I would always fool around in school when I was young. I wouldn’t listen to the teachers and I would do what would only please me and benefit me, but little did I know that all they were trying to do was help me and make me successful enough to get the car that I wanted when I was older. My parents played a major role in my understanding for me to do better in school. My mom would always tell me that when I finish college with my bacheldors degree she would by me a car and I feel as if that keeps me going in school. 

When I went to high school I forgot about all of that. I went into high school saying that I was going to pick up my act and do better and make everyone around me proud and not let them down, but what did I do I let them down again. At that time I was even worse. I would go to school but I would cut my classes. Thought that was the cooler thing to do. I made a lot of friends thinking that what they were doing was benefiting me. I would go to class sometimes and I would barely pass my classes. Hanging out with those kids might have been one of my mistakes that I made in high school and I feel was a major role into why I wasn’t succeeding in life. As I went into my senior year of high school my guidance consular told me that if I didn’t pick my act up I would graduate high school and that had to be one of the worst things someone could have ever told me and that is when I really realized that I had to pick my act because I wasn’t going to let my family down.

I feel that the reason that I am continuing with everything in my life is because of my mother. She is one person that has always had faith in me and no matter what I did wrong she would scold at me but would never give up on me. She knows and believes in me to become something successful in life. I still till this day cant thank her enough for doing what she does for me and being by my side. That is why I will always promise my self that I will never let the number one woman in my heart down.

As I entered college I came in with a whole different mind set. I have left all my bad habits behind and I was ready to work and become successful. I feel as if I am mature now and the way I think is also mature. You should work hard and leave the past in the past and just keep growing as a person and you will become sucessful. Then maybe I will get my dream car.

Ife Ajayi
Prof. Hall
Eng 1121
6 February 2019

I’m sitting alone at the dining table when all of a sudden I hear footsteps approaching my way. Both my parents walk in with familiar disappointed looks on their faces. Looks they would usually have when I would get in trouble with a teacher or come home with unacceptable grades. So I knew exactly why they looked that way and why they came. They wanted to know the specific reasons why I made the choices I did. More specifically, why I kept on making those choices over and over again. My parents have had several talks with me about education and how important it is to have one. They would go on and on about how education is required for a successful future. And how miserable life would be without one. Sometimes in the middle of those discussions I would think about all the people that are successful who didn’t go to college. I never brought this up to my parents though because I knew exactly what they would say. They would tell me that I don’t have to be like them and I’m better off going to college. It’s not that I wanted to be like those people, it’s just that they shouldn’t be looked down upon just because college wasn’t for them. Especially if they aren’t on the streets begging but instead doing something productive with their lives.

When the question of why I kept making bad decisions in school came up I completely froze. I had no idea of what to say. All I could see were my parents staring me straight in the face waiting for answers. The longer I took the more impatient they got. My dad then said, “I’m waiting for an answer.” I was very nervous and began to shake because of fear of being a disappointment to the family. But when I would make the choices to cut class, talk while the teacher was talking, not do any homework, not study for any exams I didn’t think that. I basically would just go to school and come back home without learning anything. It felt like a never ending cycle. I just wasn’t interested in school at that time. I didn’t have the guts to tell my parents any of that though because I know how they are. “Can you open your mouth and talk,” said my mother. “Hurry up, you’re wasting time,” then followed my dad. At this point I just decided to tell them what I thought would be a good enough excuse. “My teachers don’t know how to do their jobs, they can barely even teach because of how disruptive the students are,” I said. “Aren’t you one of those disruptive students?” asked my dad. The room went silent after that rhetorical question was asked.

My father began talking about how I shouldn’t be giving him any excuses and that I should just own up to my bad behavior. My mother shook her head and walked away in disappointment. I felt really bad because I hated seeing that look on her face. It made me feel like I was letting her down and in all honesty I really was. I wasn’t putting in any effort to become a better student. My mother would always tell me that I had the potential to be one of the best students. My father would also tell me the same thing and it’s not that I didn’t believe them I was just very lazy with my education in high school. After hours of talking and me almost dozing off every once in awhile my father finally asked me if there was anything I had to say for myself. I said no but that wasn’t a good enough answer for him, it never was. I told him that I would do better in my academics and not hang with the wrong crowd. “You can and you will,” he said. He then got up and walked away. I continued sitting in the same spot just daydreaming and thinking about what to do with myself.

Rough Draft for Thursday

Ever since I was a little kid, I loved the game of basketball. The speed of the game, intensity, and aggressiveness always got me excited to watch the stars play. It was a unique sport to me which led me to picking up a basketball at the age of 10. I would go to the backyard of my house just to practice by dribbling around. My older cousin would take me to the local parks to shoot around. It was when I was 13 I actually learned the correct way to play basketball. My friends and I went to an indoor court and one of my friend’s cousin showed up. He was the one who taught me how to shoot the ball correctly, how to dribble the ball in many ways, and how to play defense. I don’t believe people when they say that Basketball is just a game. I believe that basketball can teach people a lot of things in their lives. One of the lessons I learned was that life isn’t fair. I soon learned that when the referees in the game were making horrible calls or calls that didn’t make sense at the time. It seemed that all the calls that were being made never went our way and the referee never made the correct call when the call needed to be made. This happened a lot in a lot of games so I learned to accept it and just move on. Another lesson it taught me was how to have good sportsmanship. Whenever my team and I win games, we don’t brag that we are the better team or anything. We just shake the other team’s hands and tell them it was a good game. Even when we lose, we don’t get mad for losing. We just do the same thing if we win. Another lesson I learned from basketball is that nothing comes easy in life. It all comes down to hard work and dedication. A lot of the stars in the league states that they didn’t make it here by luck but by all the hard work they put in everyday to deserve to be in the league. This doesn’t only go for basketball but for careers as well. If you put in the work and dedication, you will be successful. Basketball has also taught me to not dwell on my mistakes but to learn from them. If I don’t make a shot or lose my dribble, I just get back on defense and don’t mess up on the next possession. The most important lesson that basketball has probably taught me is leadership and communication. Basketball is a team sport and in every team there’s a captain. If the team isn’t communicating, I step up and take control of the team. I would tell them what play to run and they would respond by doing the play. To a lot of people, Basketball is just a game but I believe it can teach people these things by playing the sport. It is a gateway to learning life lessons.

Draft Pavel Nunez

Pavel Nunez

Dr Carrie Hall

2/6/19

English 1121

 

Sometimes in life I always get lucky and that’s just how it is .But it wasn’t the luck that helped me , it was the effort that lead me to that luck . The time this happened to was actually recent, When I passed my  Computer System Technology class. So it was the beginning of the semester of 2018 and this class was required for my major so I said to myself “ This class should be easy”. I was wrong(like really wrong) ,but that didn’t stop me from having doubts. It was an 8 AM class so that wasn’t really a good choice but I wanted to get out early so that was the trade off. At first the class wasn’t too difficult the following 2 months because we were doing basic stuff. But after that it was complex and there was a lot of rules to cover when coding, and I noticed people around me were far worse where I was. Some people would look over my screen after showing the professor my program that runs correctly. Sometimes they would ask me for help and I helped them but it was still difficult for them( I don’t blame them). But overall i knew what I was doing even though it was difficult to comprehend the material being given to me. Sometimes I would leave early because I already did all the classwork which was a good thing. Fast forward to November 6(which was the last day to drop a Class), I was debating whether or not to drop the class because I didn’t really like my major anymore(Computer Science). I decided not to because that would’ve been a waste of time and money. The next day out of the original 30 students that signed up for the class only 8 people remained. But my friend that was in that class actually dropped it since it was too difficult for him. It was sorda disappointing that my only friend in that class decided to withdraw but it was his decision. Furthermore I had a test coming which I didn’t know about because I was too lazy to check the syllabus, I didn’t know what was going to be on the test so I just accepted my fate that I was going to fail the test. The day I took the test, I didn’t expect it to be almost the same exact things we had to as classwork, So I dodged a bullet on that one and I passed the test for it.So finally it was near the semester and I had to take  my final. Suddenly this person who I thought supposedly dropped the class showed for the final after nearly being absent for 2 months, My professor was actually quite mad at him but he couldn’t do anything so he just let him take the test, When the test started he only took a couple of minutes it finish it and left the class, even though there was around 15-30 lines of code that you have to write down for a few problems,which was basically impossible to write under 20 minutes). Some people had to resort to cheating( No names) by looking up the program for the specific problem, the professor was just using his laptop and actually caught someone using their phone, He gave him a warning instead of giving him a 0 ( which was generous.), I said to myself “Wow, he was lucky”. So after finishing I just went home to sleep and hoped I passed the class. Then I checked my grade and I got a B+ thinking I would get a C or maybe lower. But in the end I passed.

Overall life isn’t mostly about luck but how much you effort you put in to get that luck.

Thursday’s rough draft (2/7/2019)

Have you been intimidated by someone in your life before? Coming from an Asian background, it has been really difficult for me to be happy for who I identify as a Chinese American. For a stereotypical Asian family, they are expected to rise above the social standpoint in academics and is known for their dedication to education. A quote from Mother’s Tongue, “Well, these are broad sociological questions I can’t begin to answer. But I have noticed in surveys — in fact, just last week — that Asian students, as a whole, always do significantly better on math achievement tests than in English”(Tan). Coming across that I have given up on education made me realize that there is much more to appreciate in life. For being Asian, specifically an Chinese American, I was expected to highly excel in majority of subjects in school, specifically math. However, I wasn’t able to reach that academic success that is perceived by others if its my family or by peers and teachers. During my middle school years, I struggled with all subjects- even math, that I was given a letter telling me I was in probation. Throughout my middle school life, I struggled a lot in academics that I was even in probation in my 8th grade. I was never a book worm in school, nor did I had passion in learning as it dissipated as I climb the grades. Being yelled by my family, especially my father, for doing terrible in school had changed my in many ways. I even was sent to these programs that are suppose to provide extra assistance to English and math called “Kumon” that was located next to my elementary school. I would always remember being put under a lot of stress to the point I had many mental breakdowns. It was hell to the point that I was told this, “you are unable to leave until you get a 100% on this quiz”. I was there from 4 pm to 6 pm, constantly re-doing this quiz, It was just me and a few others after their closing hours still doing these last parts. I became so frustrated and upset that my paper was covered in tears. Of course I went against my parents for taking me to this program because I wasn’t able to learn anything but constantly failing and not rising through “Kumon” levels. Struggling through elementary school and middle school, high school is where I changed mentally and physically. The high school that I went to was located on 49st, and 9th ave. in Hell’s Kitchen. Going into a new environment, with a lot of diverse backgrounds was very intimidating at friends. But as time went along, I adapted and appreciated the people who I met where I don’t compare myself to other Asians in my class. I had a very diverse group of friends that consist of 1 white, 1 black, 1 dominican, 1 mexican, and me the asian. Many things that happened in my education, was around the time that I arrived in high school, that everything has shifted. Students were encouraged to learn at their own pace because not everyone can learn at the same pace. Though some negatives were  classes had to slow down, thus some units in the year has been removed by the teacher. The sense of community that I shared with my peers in high school was more appreciate because I wasn’t worried about my GPA if it was terrible or good. The workload has been decreased from middle school to high school. From my perspective, I always thought the teachers want more students to appreciate life and not constantly going home and doing homework all night long for the deadline due the next day. So I had a lot of free time to hang out with my friends and wasn’t bound to my school. In conclusion, there is more to life that just packing your brain with information that will show you’re intelligent to the social norms. From what I experience that to be smart, is the amount of information one can hold. So people who usually sleeps in class-two my friend’s, still passes his classes with A- or B+.

 

 

 

 

For Thursday, February 7

Hey everyone– great work in class today. For Thursday, I would like you to write a rough draft of Unit 1 Part 1– your Learning Narrative. Please post this on OpenLab and bring a paper copy to class. Both copies are important!! At least 500 words. (Final is 850 words)

What do I write about? In this essay, you will be writing about an experience you had with learning that you think would be interesting or important to an audience outside yourself. What about your experience is worth hearing about? It might be something dramatic, like Gilyard’s experience, but it also might be more low-key, like Tan’s (HERE in case you lost it) or Graff’s (posted HERE. You don’t have to read this, but it’s another example, should you get lost.) You do not have to quote Tan, Gilyard or Graff (but you can if you want to!) They are there as examples of learning narratives. Remember the video we watched in class– your readers will benefit from both anecdotes about your experience and reflection that tell them why those anecdotes are important. Also remember that even if you have 3-4 anecdotes, they should be somehow related to each other. There should be some thread that connects them all.

All of that said, for Thursday, you are writing a rough draft.  I know this sounds weird, but you really just need to get enough words down on the page– you’re gonna change things. Also, you never know what you’re going to write until you actually write it. The main thing here is to get started. (HERE is an article, called “Shitty First Drafts” which talks about how to get started if you’re lost. It’s not required either, but it might help.) Also, a great place to start is in a scene– you’ve written a couple. If you get stuck, explain to your readers why this scene is important. What does it tell them about education or learning? You don’t have to start in a scene, by the way– but if you’re lost, start with something you’ve already written!

Still stuck? Here are some of the ideas we had for scenes or topics in class. You don’t need to use any of them, but they’re possible starting points:

  • Overcoming odds and obstacles(or not overcoming them) 
  • What I learned from living in New York City
  • What I learned in school
  • What I learned outside of school
  • Peer pressure
  • People who believed in you (and those who didn’t.) 
  • Personal breakthroughs
  • What I learned from my family (this doesn’t have to be positive!)
  • Being looked down upon for being different
  • Experiences with different Englishes
  • How your Mother Tongue affects your learning
  • Learning on the street

Here is a guided explanation of how to do an X-page and write a scene with someone who is not me!

Admiring the Difference

Reading through Gilyard’s writing, the thing I admire most is his ability to write whatever is on his mind. The second to last paragraph in part VIII where Gilyard describes his agonies from withdrawal especially shows the imaging that I would question writing myself.  I’ve enjoyed writing and have written short stories before, but I would never be able to continue a string of images consisting of “holes in his arm large enough to drip dope into them directly” straight to putting those holes “alongside vaginas. On penises.”(158). Even speaking of his mistakes and near missed like when he “was given a 40 in English” on his regeants. The reading was enjoyable as a result due to the casual feel that came with Gilyard writing so openly. I personally didn’t have much I didn’t enjoy about the reading other than it being long, which isn’t that much of an issue when enjoying it. If I were to write of such events from my own experiences, I don’t think I would be able to finish it. I’ve always been conservative with information I consider personal, and to open up in such a way just as Gilyard did, it is a dream that I could only wish to be able to.

Response to Gilyard

Amani Nassar

Dr. Hall

February 4, 2019

Gilyard’s writing was very intriguing from the beginning to the end. His precise use of details really helped the scenes come to life in my mind, like when he was running away from the police, describing the alleyway, the fence and even how he scurried behind the bushes. Through these details, Gilyard is able to build up the readers interest and anticipation for what might happen next or even resemble a feeling us as the readers may have in a situation like his. This is a writing technique I would like to include into my own writing to help keep my reader not only interested, but to add more depth to my writing. I also liked how Gilyard included his own thoughts into the scenes as they were happening like when his dean and teacher asked to see his arms. Gliyard stated “I didn’t mind obeying his order… was curious to see what they knew,” instead of us assuming this nonchalant attitude Gilyard may have had due to his previous actions, he was able to give us more of an insight into his thoughts that would help us understand his actions more and later on his reflection. Gilyard was able to go through almost his whole life story, highlighting and reflecting on the key events of his hardships in a way that made me want to read even more. 

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