After reading your draft, I feel like it’s a very clear thing to let others know who you are. Everything is clear. What do you look like, what are you going to do. About now, about future. You make me think about my draft. I didn’t mention about avatar. I think this is what I need to approve. And when I read it, it seems like I’m talking with you, it feels like very close.
As you said, my draft is kind of jump in too much ideas, well, about fashion designer I’ll edit it. Thanks for your suggestions.
And I still learning from this OPENLAB!!!