https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RyMAYsgAmkfYUxQE09z7CjhTaK0EYf1SqEoyrenUYbA/edit?usp=sharing
4 thoughts on “Aldo Essay 1 Draft”
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From reading your essay, I agree about what you said about high school. Everyone is in competition with each other, its a good thing but it can lead to people cheating their way through and making it hard for the students who actually study and try hard. I think the conflict your trying to develop is that there are many hardships students go through when there in high school. For example, they might be bullied, distracted by drama with other students, and they might even be judged or looked at funny for being “different.” Those are some of the conflicts some students face when there in high school. I think you should include a memory of a hardship you probably faced when you was in high school or maybe a hardship you seen a close friend go through but overall, I really like your essay.
I liked your essay because it made me realize how High School changed me and how I matured since freshman year. You could have developed the conflict on how bullying effects kids in many ways and can interfere with their daily life. You could also create a scene if you witnessed someone getting peer pressured and bullied to develop this conflict because I feel that everyone has seen that happen at least one point in their life so the reader could relate to the scene that you created.
I like your essay, and many things you said I’m sure that we can all relate to such as “hose who miss high school the most had healthy relationships with either friends or their ex.. Those who curse that period are the ones who suffered painful breakups.” Truly had a good time in Highschool and would love to go back. A suggestion that I think you should consider is adding a story for example you can put a mini story of a prank you and your friend pulled. It would make your essay more interesting.
I like your essay. You were talking about the hardships that students go through in high school. It reminds me some memories that I had in high school both good and bad. I think your essay is good. You just need to add little detail like you were talking about bullying so give any example of it that would make more interesting.