An early morning I smell the sweet aromatic brewing of my mother’s coffee. I sit down at the dining table and serve myself some pancakes with a fresh hot cup of coffee, as the steaming hot vapor emerges from the coffee. With a little rush, I proceed to finish my breakfast and put on my work uniform, a gray collared long-sleeve buttoned-down shirt, black dress pants, and some black polished shoes. I step outside to a cool breeze of wind as the clouds pile upon one another creating a shady cool day. I get into my car and hear the exhaust roar as I step on the pedal. As I make my way towards my job I roll down the driver’s side window allowing the morning breeze air to flow right into the rest of the car while it hits my face gracefully as If I were on a rollercoaster. The streets are quiet as there are few cars on the road and the sidewalks in complete emptiness which normally would be filled with people chatting. Within minutes I arrive to work and as I enter the driveway to the building my boss follows right behind me.
Julie Lavelle the director of culinary services a really tomboyish woman with blonde hair who could never be missed as she drove a white 2014 Dodge Challenger with blue fire wrap on both sides of the vehicle. She parks right beside me, and as I step out of the car so does she. I greet her, “Good morning Chef” She then says “Hi sweetie, how are you I had no idea you were working today”. We chatted for a few minutes about it and how I had picked up tons of shifts to help out. She made a comment that every day I am present fabulous and tons of positive things on work being great. Keeping this moment in mind I got through the long day which started at 6 o’clock in the morning till 8 at night. My final test dates were unorganized and last minute I ended up missing them that week but everything my management, boss, and regional bosses had told me about how great I am not only as a worker but person. It kept my spirits up and made me contemplate everything. At that mere moment I realized I was already great as a person but I still tried my absolute best to push for more. It made me realize I had let down my education by not allowing time to be there on my finals.
– Brian Tenecela
Brian, you have an excellent eye for detail. You are bringing me into your world, and I feel immersed in it, but I don’t feel like I understand why I’m there yet. As you continue to workshop this piece, think about what details you share with the reader and why they are significant to the story you’re trying to tell. Perhaps with a few more paragraphs, you would have gotten there. Your last few sentences pack all the action: Keeping this moment in mind I got through the long day which started at 6 o’clock in the morning till 8 at night. My final test dates were unorganized and last minute I ended up missing them that week but everything my management, boss, and regional bosses had told me about how great I am not only as a worker but person.
I want to be immersed in that story; it sounds stressful, but also like you learned a valuable lesson. I’m looking forward to seeing how this evolves!