“Kaitlyn?” hearing my teacher calling me from across the room made my heart stop. I knew the answer. It was at the tip of my tongue. But what if I was wrong? I felt an audience of eyes looking at me. There was a knot forming in my throat preventing me from speaking. I knew the answer, why was it so hard for me to just open my mouth and speak? Those few instances felt like an eternity, it felt like everyone had been waiting for my response for a while. I felt my cheeks turning hot. My nervousness was pinkening my face. This was just one of the many moments I experienced at school when I was younger. Every single person has a unique personality. But for the most part there are two people in this world. Introverts and extroverts. When I look back upon my childhood years there is one characteristic that stands out far more than anything else: quiet. During my childhood, I was always considered shy by teachers, family members and friends. I guess my quietness came from my lack of confidence and social skills. For most of the time it was merely a choice. My quietness presented challenges for many years in school, some of which still remain.
As a child, being called on by my teacher was my biggest fear. Especially when I had no idea what to say. Silence would almost always be my answer. The greatest fear of mine was being wrong in front of my class. I didn’t want to be judged by my peers. I always found it difficult to interact and socialize with my classmates. I learned English at a pretty young age, around 6 years old. I think I grasped onto the language pretty easily. My social skills and lack of confidence were the things that were slowly draining me constantly. I eventually started to despise school due to the fear of being judged or afraid of being wrong. I enjoyed studying and doing everything on my own. Throughout my middle school years the moments I thrived were during reading time, art class, and journaling sessions. I felt at peace having these subjects. School is the place where we are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them. I wish I knew this earlier down the road. I can appreciate who I was throughout my 12 years of school. From the shy elementary school kid, afraid of being called on but who loved reading, to a college student who is still afraid of being called on but still loves reading. I consider it to be beautiful when one is able to be alone but not feel lonely. I express myself through writing, reading, through music and through art. Being alone doesn’t have to be boring. :))
