For most of my life, I have felt anonymous. Being the youngest in house of 6, makes you feel invisible. I was constantly living in the shadow of my sisters. But it didn’t stop there. My social life was also obsolete. I felt left out in everything I did with anyone. The most I’ve felt anonymous was during the last two years of high school. But this time it was by choice. I wanted to be isolated, because of how I was feeling, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t noticing what I was doing. By making myself anonymous I was allowing myself to lose my friends, family. I don’t think becoming anonymous by choice is something anyone would want to do. I have never felt more alone during then, and it was me doing it to myself.
I remember when it all started I was 16, in my junior year. My school year started off normal. I liked all my classes, had the most amazing friends. But then it all changed when I was diagnosed with Vomiting Cyclic Syndrome. This was a condition that made me throw up for no reason, it was a syndrome that was present in my genes. There was nothing I could do except stop the nausea. As this progressed, it made me want to not attend classes. I missed one day, two days, three, four… I lost track. When I built the courage to go back, I just couldn’t. I developed social anxiety. It felt as if one thing didn’t end, another started. Because I isolated myself for so long, I didn’t know how to interact with anyone. I felt scared of the reaction my teachers would have, even though I had a good excuse. It was just built up and in my head. This ruined my high school experience. I never got to end school the way I wanted.
Sometimes you don’t realize the effect of your actions until it is too late. For me, my isolation made me anonymous. I was watching my friends have accomplishments, get awards, scholarships, I watched them experience their senior year. While I was taking 10 classes a day just to get into the only college that would accept me. I’m grateful for my life but I wish I handled things differently.