ENG1141
Creative Writing
Formal Critique
Reviewer’s Name: Marina Malak
Title of Piece: The First Day Author’s Name: Edward P. Jones
Setting & Context:
The story of the piece takes place in New Jersey during the start of school time in September. It starts as the single mother and the girl were getting ready to go and apply for school in which the mother has dressed the girl and are walking towards the school the mother wanted her daughter to attend. They end up going to Walker-Jones elementary school instead of Seaton. The mother then starts the application process with the help of another parent because she does not know how to read. After they are done, the mother leaves the daughter at school with the teacher and classmates to start her first day.
I like how the author used the names of the streets to describe their journey to school, it helped visualize the road.
Voice & Style:
The author used the girl’s own words and senses to describe how she looked and what she wore for her first day at school. I like when the girl said that she could not smell the perfume but she took her mother’s word for that it was there, I think it added touchy humor to the story of how the relationship between the mother and the daughter.
The author used the phrase “disappeared into memory” to describe the father’s absence; it is not clear what happened to the father but we can tell that the girl barely remember him. The girl describes the peach hair grease that she smells from her hair, the black leather shoes that are her “greatest joy”, and how her stomach is full of her breakfast; this detailed stimulating description helps the reader feel if not even smell and taste the story.
Dialogue:
The main dialogues that took place in the piece were between the mother and different characters, mainly concerning the school application. One of the most significant dialogues was when the mother was asking for her for the application and had to give the reason for why she needs help which was that she could not read. We can tell from the way the girl described her mother that she is a strong woman; the girl describes the look in the mother’s eye afterwards and says that she could not recognize it despite her knowing her mother too well. I think it was the look of embarrassment and helplessness that as a strong woman she did not display it before and she is not used to it.
Point of View:
The author tells the story through the little girl’s innocent eye and point of view. The story was told beautifully in which nothing is direct but the reader can tell what is going on from the description and dialogues that are taking place. The story talks about the first day of school that the family of the single mother and the daughter are going through. The mother despite the fact that she is not educated; she is ambitious and wants the best for her daughter and is willing to ask for help and offer money to do her application. We can see her ambitious from the mother’s over preparedness with all the documents for her daughter to go to school and wanting a specific school and pointing to it to her daughter even before her school age. Towards the end, the mother and the daughter had to separate so the daughter can start her first day at school; the reader can tell from the quivering lips and how serious the mother was how worried she truly is about her daughter and wanting her to focus on school to give her the one thing she did not get which is education.
Questions to the author:
What happened to the father of the girl, how did he disappear?
Why did the mother want her daughter to go to Seaton instead of Walker-Jones?
What year did the story took place in?
Why the mother did not know how to read?
Hi Marina, I agree with what you said under “Voice and Style.” The authors descriptions allowed me to paint a picture in my head which is great. I also agree that we can see the mothers ambitions through her actions, only wanted the best for her daughter. Do you think the daughter was not understanding why her mother was acting the way she was until she found out that she can not speak?
I also like how the author used the names of streets when describing their trips to the different schools. The way the author names all the streets on their way to Seaton lets me imagine just how far the school was from their home.
Hi Marina, nice critique I like how you were very descripitve with each answer. I agree with you on your point of view section because I thought the same thing, the mother is ambitious for her child because she wasn’t able to receive the same education as her.
Marina, great response. I too agree that the dialogue that the author incorporated in her piece of writing helped the readers learn more about the characters. The biggest indicator was when the mother asked for help to fill out paperwork which the reader could imply that she was illiterate. Additionally, the dialogue also helped the reader understand the setting and keep up with the story lines timeline.
Hello Marina,
I liked how you added visual pictures as the author used in the story. I agree that it plays a big role and makes a difference when they use discription with the use of senses as you mentioned because we automatically imagine being in that situation, feeling, smelling, and tasting them which makes the story rich and meaningful.
Hey Marina, the detail about the mother bringing every document possible to ensure that her daughter could be enrolled made it really clear how determined she was to create a better future for her daughter. It made even more sense when she revealed she was illiterate.
Hi Marina,
It was really interesting to read your critique especially the part where you talked about the author using the phrase “disappeared into memory.” I liked how you explained the voice and the style so clearly. The author indeed took us through what she felt, her emotions throughout her life.
Hello Marina, I enjoyed reading your critique. I agree with what you said about her mother being ambitious, and willing to do anything possible to enroll her daughter to the school. I think she is a strong hardworking mother that wants the best for her daughter and that’s really admirable.